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you dont know how to do thread titles.. ill show you mine..

what are you talking about.. should it say would you hit it! instead LOL

Nice job, Smokey!

:thumbsup :thumbsup

Don't be slippin' Roger

:winkwink:

How was Costa Rica BTW?

It was amazing to say the least.. We need to catch up sometime hope you and the fam is doing great

smokey stole my thunder.. I need to put his fire out..that fuckin bear


so here goes some bear jokes if you know them post them

k, there was a bunny that was being chased by a big bear in the middle of the forest. all of a sudden a genie pops out and tell them both that they each can have 3 wishes. the bear goes first, he says:

" I wish that all the other bears in this forest were female"

then the rabbit says:

"I wish I had a motercycle"

"I wish all the other bears in the next forest were female too" the bear says

"I wish i had a helmet" says the bunny. the bear wonders why the bunny was wasting his wishes on such stupid stuff.

The bear finally says: "I wish that all the bears in the whole world besides me were female"

the bunny mounts his bike and then with a sly smile says "I wish that bear" (he's pointing at the bear that was chasing him) "was gay".

An atheist was walking through the woods one day, admiring all that evolution had created. Suddenly he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. Turning to look, he saw an 8 foot grizzly bear beginning to charge toward him.

He ran as fast as he could down the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was rapidly closing on him

Running faster yet, he looked again and the bear was even closer. His heart was pounding in his chest. He tried to run faster. But alas, he tripped and fell to the ground. As he rolled over to pick himself up, the bear was right over him, reaching for him with its left paw and raising its right paw to strike him.

"OH MY GOD! ..."

Time stopped.

The bear froze.

The forest was silent.

Even the river stopped moving.

As a brilliant light shone upon the man, a thunderous voice came from all around.

"YOU DENY MY EXISTENCE FOR ALL THESE YEARS, TEACH OTHERS THAT I DON'T EXIST AND EVEN CREDIT CREATION TO SOME COSMIC ACCIDENT. NOW, YOU EXPECT ME TO HELP YOU OUT OF THIS PREDICAMENT?

AM I TO COUNT YOU AS A BELIEVER?"

Difficult as it was, the atheist looked directly into the light and said, "It would be hypocritical to ask to be a Christian after all these years, but perhaps you could make the bear a Christian?"

"VERY WELL," said the voice.

The light went out.

The river ran. The sounds of the forest resumed. ... and the bear dropped down to his knees, brought both paws together, bowed his head and spoke:
"Lord, thank you for this food which I am about to receive

smokey the bear shaves click and read the proof
 

J/K post your bear jokes here!!



An atheist was walking through the woods one day, admiring all that evolution had created. Suddenly he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. Turning to look, he saw an 8 foot grizzly bear beginning to charge toward him.

He ran as fast as he could down the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was rapidly closing on him

Running faster yet, he looked again and the bear was even closer. His heart was pounding in his chest. He tried to run faster. But alas, he tripped and fell to the ground. As he rolled over to pick himself up, the bear was right over him, reaching for him with its left paw and raising its right paw to strike him.

"OH MY GOD! ..."

Time stopped.

The bear froze.

The forest was silent.

Even the river stopped moving.

As a brilliant light shone upon the man, a thunderous voice came from all around.

"YOU DENY MY EXISTENCE FOR ALL THESE YEARS, TEACH OTHERS THAT I DON'T EXIST AND EVEN CREDIT CREATION TO SOME COSMIC ACCIDENT. NOW, YOU EXPECT ME TO HELP YOU OUT OF THIS PREDICAMENT?

AM I TO COUNT YOU AS A BELIEVER?"

Difficult as it was, the atheist looked directly into the light and said, "It would be hypocritical to ask to be a Christian after all these years, but perhaps you could make the bear a Christian?"

"VERY WELL," said the voice.

The light went out.

The river ran. The sounds of the forest resumed. ... and the bear dropped down to his knees, brought both paws together, bowed his head and spoke:
"Lord, thank you for this food which I am about to receive

Q: Why do bears have fur coats ?
A:Because they'd look stupid in anoraks!
Q: What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig?
A: A teddy boar!

Q: What should you call a bald teddy?
A; Fred bear!

Q: What animal do you look like when you get into the bath?
A: A little bear!

Q: Why is polar bear cheap to have as a pet?
A: It lives on ice!

Q: Have you ever hunted bear?
A: No, but I've been shooting in my shorts!

Q: How do you hire a teddy bear?
A: Put him on stilts!

Q: What's a teddy bears favourite pasta?
A: Tagliateddy!

Q: Why shouldn't you take a bear to the zoo?
A: Because they'd rather go to the cinema!

Q: What is a bear's favourite drink?
A: Koka-Koala!

Hmm.. 8 minutes to Friday here in California... Can I start drinking?

Only if you find a good smokey the bear joke



because he keeps fucking with me

Smokey the Bear has been unjustly blaming me for forest fires for years now, and I'm not going to take it anymore. I mean, sure, I have no problem doing my part when camping. I always obtain a permit before setting up my camp fire, I don't smoke cigarettes and flick them into the woods, and I make sure to put out my campfire and cover it with dirt before going to sleep. But shit, man, why does that damn bear expect me to be accountable for the actions of others?

Why is it only me who can prevent idiots from leaving their stoves on, playing with gasoline, or falling asleep on a hammock while smoking a cigarrete in their back yards? Shouldn't they have to take some responsibility in the matter? Nooo... it is only me to whom the hairy clawed finger of blame is pointed. Well, I just can't take the harrassment anymore, Smokey. I am a human being, and I have feelings, too. And don't even get me started on the countless flame thrower accidents Smokey blames me for.

You should see the look in his eyes every time an acre or two of woodlands is consumed in an accidental blaze. He just glares at me, points, and claims, "Only YOU can prevent forest fires," as if it was my fault.

Recently, it has been getting worse. Smokey has not only been blaming me for the accidents others cause, he has been blaming me for natural disasters as well. I fear Smokey's drinking habit may be effecting his judgement, cause recently I have been the one he blames whenever lightning strikes or a volcano erupts.

God, sometimes I don't think this relationship is going to work. I mean, I love Smokey the Bear, but I'm not sure if I'm strong enough to absorb all the abuse. I have to wake up every day at 5:00am to scan the paper to remove all news of fires just to keep Smokey from beating me.

Why is it only me, Smokey? I am no superhero; I am but one man. Jesus, I am not even qualified to stop fires. I am no fireman. If there is anyone that should be responsible for fire prevention it should be the Fire Departments, damnit. They've got highly trained professional fire fighters, fire trucks, high powered hoses, fire suits, an efficient system which alarms them of fires in the area, helicopters, dalmations, and those pimp-ass fire poles. If anything, Smokey, point the finger at the Fire Departments and leave me the hell alone. I am a porno pusher . I should be responsible for porn, conversions, and massive drinking... not fire prevention.

lol , did you know smokey the bear is the only ficticious character that carries a federal law against impersonating..

no i did not.. but I will pass it on:winkwink:

Do not pass go, proceed directly to jail.. thanks :winkwink:

I am not so good with jokes, forgive me.

a young yuppie couple has bought a cabin in the woods in bear country and are spending their first night. The man dreams of a great hunting expedition during which he shoots many bears between the eyes. The woman dreams of a Noble-Savaga Bearman she meets one day picking flowers by the lake. The Bearman seduces her and, in the dream, she is liberated from her self-consciousness.

In the morning, the couple have fervid sex. Afterwards, the man asks his wife what she was thinking of... She answers "I was thinking of you"... he looks at her a moment then responds "Me too..."







2hp

time to push bikiniscam