Wrong Number
 

::Ring Ring::

B: Hello

Moron: Hi - I'm looking for Patricia F$#%&*$#

B: I'm sorry, I think you have the wrong number.

Moron: Do you know what her number might be?

B: (cough) Uh, No. I'm sorry I don't.

Moron: You are in Seattle, right?

B: Uh, Yes.

:::thinks to himself - there are only 2.5 million people in this town - and this guy expects me to know Patty's number:::

Moron: Okay, sorry to bother you.

::click::

Telemarketer: Hello Mr ****?

ME: What hangs down & flies at night?

Telemarketer: What?

ME: A Bat

Telemarketer: ok.....

ME: What has a 10" Dick & hangs up?

*CLICK*

I got a call from a local chiropractor the other day... True story:

Guy on phone: Hello Mr. Buss, I'm calling from Dr. Thomas's office.

Me: Great. Do I know you?

Guy on phone: Do you know me? I don't think so.

Me: I meant are you my doctor?

Guy on phone: No, I'm calling from Dr. Thomas's office.

Me: Well, if your not my doctor then why are you calling me?
Dr. Thomas just opened up his chiropractor practice here in Phoenix and we were wondering if you were interested in having us look at your back.

Me: I do have some back problems, but I do coke.

Guy on phone: Excuse me?

Me: You know, cocaine. I have a little bit of back pain, do some coke, and it's all good.
Guy on phone: Really. And that works for you?

Me: Sure. Why don't you give me your home phone number and I'll come over later tonight and get you and slut girlfriend all fucked up.

Guy on phone: <<click>>

My wife was laughing so hard so couldn't stand up.

wish I could post something funny from my own experience but I usually hang up faster than they can pronounce my last name...

I have caller ID.

I never answer the phone.

Me: Hi, I've been trying to fax a document to your office for about 10 minutes now and It's not going through.

Dumb Bitch: Oh, keep trying, it should pick up.

Me: Really, I think it would have picked up by now, could you possibly CHECK on the fax machine and see if it's working.

Dumb Bitch: You want me to check it? Oh, ok, hold on a sec.

:::pause...

Dumb Bitch: The fax machine is out of paper, it's been fixed now, try again in about 10 min.

Me: Wow, imagine that, thanks.

:::hang up

It amazes me how companies hire such incompetent/moronic/lazy people, and it's the little things too that piss me off, do your fucking jobs you worthless fucks! :feels-hot Oh, and don't even get me started on the fast food windows...

BILL COLLECTOR: Is keen there?
ME: haven't you heard?
BILL COLLECTOR:what?
ME:kenny's dead
:thumbsup

gallup called me up some weeks ago and asked me if they could ask me some questions

i yelled into the phone no man no stop calling me
u are fuckingpissing me off
and then hang up

havent heard from them since :)

LOL... :1orglaugh Gotta try that.

"I have caller ID.
I never answer the phone."

... hmmm, I have that too but if nobody calls you ... you know !

Indeed.


Home phones suck.

Me: Hello...hello...

Them: Hello, we would like to extend your subscription to Stuff magazine and send you an introductory gift subscription of Sports Illustrated, Maxim and USA Today. For verification, may I please have your credit card number...

Me: 666-69-1313

Them: That's an odd number. Is this Visa or MasterCard?

Me: Neither, it's Bank of Satan

Them: Click

I'm pissed at Discover card.. Last week they called me two days in a row. Then on the second day they called and asked for my wife.. Fuckers.
I did have a funny one today.. Phone rings, I answer and say hello and I hear some asian chick on the other end sounding very confused and speaking I don't know what language.. Needless to say it was a wrong number and she hung up.

That's so funny my usual is this:

Telemarketer: Hello Mr ****?

ME: Hi who is this?

Telemarketer: This is a courtesy call from blah, blah, blah.

ME: No shit...hey did you know that people with Altzheimers have huge horse cocks?

Telemarketer: Uh okay, sir.....

ME: Who is this, what do you want, why did I call you?

shit, i usually hang up on those people ... but this thread gives me fresh ideas :thumbsup

once I asked a telemarketing girl, who seemed to be fairly young, if she would go out with me ... then I hung up on her.

What? you could not deal with the rejection?

When I lived with my parents we got a telemarketer call and ask for Dog Wilson. She was asian and couldn't pronounce "Doug" correctly.

T: Hello is Dog Wilson there?

Me: Dog Wilson?

T: Yes, Dog Wilson.

Me: So you wanted to speak with Dog then?

T: Yes.

Me: Okay one sec.. DOG PHONE FOR YOU!

<click>

yeah, it hit me hard, so I hit the phone.

I get like 10 wrong numbers a day, its fucking ridiculous.

Same here.

Anyone i need to talk to has my cell.

If anyone has ever seen BoilerRoom Seth has a great way to piss these guys off.....

Get the to give you their pitch, the whole schpeel.....waste their time, make em think you are interested.....give all the buying signals and then BOOM! Knock em flat out of their sales.......

I do it all the time and I am getting LESS AND LESS of em all the time!

Cell phone wrong numbers suck - cuz even if i'm sleeping and my cell goes off I make every effort to wake myself up and answer it. People that call my cell know not to call after 6am and before noon - so if it rings - it's important and I need to answer it.

BUT - the worst one is cell phone solication - I put my cell number down for business stuff, gov't documents, and domain name registrations - - so I get spamm calls by fuck'n Casino sites and web hosting companies - - at 8 in the morning!

fuck'n Annoying

I discovered last year about a year ago that a nearby down had mistakenly put my home phone number as a number for Salvation Army temporary housing/shelter in a pamphlet they give to people in need. It was also on that town's area services directory online. Even though they've corrected it online there are thousands of the pamphlets floating around. I get two or three calls a week for the Salvation Army. I give them all the correct number.

Other then that the other wrong number I also get is for the local area Dominos Pizza. Some people call back over and over again.. I've actually taken orders for the most persistent ones. Guess they must all have called the correct number when their pizza didn't arrive.

That reminds me of the suicide hotline stuff from the novel Survivor.

Actually, I think that novel was written by a local boy, you're in Wash. State, right?

When I remember to do this, this is 'really funny' as well:

After the sales person gets through w/the sales pitch, I start in with the usual "NO SPEAKA English!"...

If the sales person actually speaks spanish, and attempts the come back of "Hablo Espanol?"...then I chime in with:
"No enchalada por taco la gordita!" .... " Como nacho el mucho grande, y meximelt por favor?"......<CLICK>

gotta love those Taco Bell menus! :)