Lensman does not sleep
 

Lensman's tears cure testicular cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Lensman does not sleep. He waits then jerks off.

Lensman does not hunt girls because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Lensman waits for the girls to come to him.

Lensman counted to infinity - four times which is twice the amount Chuck Norris did.

Lensman sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Lensman bitch slapped the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Lensman's penis is so large that it actually warps the fabric of space-time. Indeed some physicists now theorise that the passage of time is mearly a byproduct of Lensmans' colossal erections. This is known as the "Lens Man' big cock theory of space-time".

If you can see Lensman, he can see you. If you can't see Lensman you may be only seconds away from losing your girlfriend.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Lensmans Fleshlight.

Lensman is currently suing the Dan Quail, claiming he invented the interweb.


Lensman built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Lensman met all three bullets with his sun glasses, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

The chief export of Lensman is pussy.

Lensman can unscramble an egg and then rescramble it, Chuck Norris can only unscramble it.

When Lensman sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, posing with Helf. Lensman has not had to pay taxes ever.

As a teen Lensman impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history. Chuck Norris claims he did it, but he lied.

Lensman sleeps with a flesth light. Not because Lensman he can't get pussy, but because the the pussy can't handel him.

Before he forgot a gift for Lensman, Santa Claus was real. The Easter bunny is still missing every since he didn't stop at Lensmans house.

Lensman touched touched MC Hammer two years before Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... Chuck Norris is hung like Lensman.

Lensman ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got two. They threw in the biggie fries and a Frosty because he looked sexy.

Lensman once ate three 72 oz. steaks and drank 4 bottle of Vodka in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

They orginally used Lensmans penis for the first fleshlight. It was too big for everyone else, so they had to use Chuck Norris instead.

I'll give you an A-minus for the effort