XXXJay's Endless AVN Blog
 

OK, rather than writing a 5000+ word blog?I?ve broken this year?s AVN into who-knows-how-many blogs?this will be the first:
http://www.jays-xxx-links.com/sex-blog/

lots of reading? :|

Jay

using Wp for that?

forget above post i am tripping balls

I think the link to WP might indicate that :winkwink:

LOL, what's the matter -- didn't think I couldn't make so few spelling errors? Baddog would be proud.

I realized it after posting heheheh I need sleep

didn't notice spelling errors, just scanned it and noticed a grammar error or two though :)

Your blog posts are normally hilarious. I'm gonna check this one out in the morning.

Here's more:
http://www.jays-xxx-links.com/sex-blog/

If you want to read it in order:

1. http://www.jays-xxx-links.com/sex-bl...ver-part-1-of/

2. http://www.jays-xxx-links.com/sex-bl...r-stretchnuts/

OK, rather than writing a 5000+ word blog?I?ve broken this year?s AVN into who-knows-how-many blogs?this will be the first:

I really was thinking that this years going to suck 50 pound bags of dick and call it a light lunch. The planning couldn?t have been worse ? they had Internext, AVN, and Comdex all running simultaneously. You have to understand that each, by itself, is a clusterfuck?the day before I left, I could already picture the taxi lines stretching out to the Hoover Dam, flu germs amassing from near and far (The Porn Flu), and the price of a Vegas Strip hotel passing the $50 per minute mark.

This could really suck. I doubted I?d stay past Saturday?

Tuesday ? As I am packing my bags the suckyness has already hit. I wasn?t even done packing my bags when I realized it that someone had been stealing our traffic over at Yahoo. (remember this for the next blog)

Wednesday ? Start the compulsory bi-weekly four hour drive out to Vegas, so we can spend the night at my business partner JC?s house (pictured below), who has a dog that makes Cujo look like one of Paris Hiltons toy terriers. We headed down to the Venitian to meet my boy Meeaatch from AEBN, who took us to the 2nd classiest dinner next to the epic OCCash dinner (pictures to come) of two slices of plain pizza. Who says those North Carolina boys don?t have class?




I noticed the influx of hookers and pimps that usually doesn?t start to around 4am already in full effect be 8:30PM ? with a conversion of webmasters, porn perverts, and computer geeks in town ? they were about to get as busier than R Kelly at a Girl Scout meeting. They circled like vultures.

Later, I hooked up with one-of-the-only webmasters I would hang out with: Q?on from Onprobation.com. The internet is such a faceless business?we?ve talked online for years, it was good to finally meet him for the first time?hell, nobody told me this guy was black!




You do need to be careful who you meet online!

I joke, I kid.

By that point the Jaugermiester was flowing pretty fast, so I don?t remember much else from that night. I had to speak on a AVN Traffic Panel the next day. I couldn?t get into too bad shape.

But, I did anyway.

I will continue with highlights from the next day (it was a big one) when those neurons fire back up again.

Don?t hold your breath?

Thursday ? I wake up hungover around noon to meet with our accountants. I try to decide which state I live in so the government can best collect my tax dollars. They haven?t gotten enough this year, after all:




From there, it?s for a mad dash to the AVN show because I was speaking on the traffic moderated by Mike from Smashbucks (Pornstar Classics) that included me, Greenguy, Q?on, The Best Porn, Curious Cash, and wait?you ain?t gonna believe this?the guy who was sitting right next to me was figiting in his seat for some reason, you know why? He was the Guy Who Was Stealing Our Yahoo Traffic. I made it to the panel five minutes late with a Bloody Mary in hand and kill the audience with a deadly combination of knowledge, good looks, and patented whit.

After, I talk with my neighbor panelist about his Yahoo antics.

After that, OC Chris and I wander abound the bottom floor of the AVN show for a few minutes, figure out it looks like nothing but a glorified porn shop, get bored, leave without realizing that the main floor of the show was upstairs, we miss the whole thing ? apparently it was the ?industry only? day and loaded with hot puss.

Smooth move, Exlax.

That night we wind up going out to to a dinner with the guys that produce Pussy Punishers and Group Teen Casting and started getting pretty hammered.

We took off from there and wound up at the Twist Club at the Wynn Hotel with S.A.K. from Ass Munchers. We met up with Charlo from Megapornbucks in the VIP area, I took three hits of ecstacy, puked behind all of the tables, and the Charlo stiffed us on the bill and we picked up the bill whole table ? nothing new to Megapornbucks - LOL.

Ironicly, after all the yacking, table stiffing, and narcotics ? I almost get kicked out for wearing a hat.

Clubs can be so gay sometimes.

From there we went of the Spearmint Rhino ? where I tripped my balls until I snorted half and eightball cocaine to ?even things out?. My stripper game is usually grade A, but I was so wasted I could only sit drooling on myself. From there we went back the house, via a 2-limo switcheroo (scam) accompanied by one of the strippers.

At that point, I become by dreaded alter-ego: ?The Vererable and Repected Dr. Stretchnuts? and pulling my nutsuck out at least four inches out of my zipper (much to the horror of everyone else in the room) with a pair of plyers. From there, I vaguely remember chasing the stripper around the house with a pool sick and my nuts hanging out while screaming, ?Who wants to get raped by OCCash!!?

Thankfully, the Xanex finally kicks in and Dr. Stretchnuts passes out in the living room.

The next day?I would feel like the north end of a southbound mule.

We?ll save that for tomorrow?s blog.

Bookmarked..lots of interesting reading material

your handwritting is a bad as mine

Hahaha Dr. Stretchnuts!!

What's the two limo switcheroo?

LOL Good Times Jay but this is normal behavior for you isn't it? :thumbsup

vogueeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeee

Heheh your blog is great fun xxxjay....I even have it on my RSS reader.
I specially liked that post where you had to go to court over your bike light.

I bet uncle sam loves you :)

And so that's what Q'on looks like. kool.

JAY---the famous bacon/pussy photo (Mayhem in Manila)

The two limo stichero is when you get into one limo and the guy tells you that he has to pich someone up soon (in like 15 minutes), so they take you over to another limo, but you wind up getting charged for both.

Here is another update:
http://www.jays-xxx-links.com/sex-blog/

If you want to read it in order...this is how you do it:
http://www.jays-xxx-links.com/sex-bl...ver-part-1-of/

http://www.jays-xxx-links.com/sex-bl...r-stretchnuts/

http://www.jays-xxx-links.com/sex-bl...r-haters-ball/

good post jay.... u know... i didn't know you were black either :winkwink:

By the power of Greyskull!

Awesome reading as always Jay :thumbsup

'That's Sick!'

Somewhere at the Players Ball...

http://poppy.jupiterhosting.com/poppyjay2.jpg

haha...at last some repect from the black folk....i am a black man trapped in a white dude's body (penis excudled)

Here's more:
http://www.jays-xxx-links.com/sex-blog/

And in order:
http://www.jays-xxx-links.com/sex-bl...ver-part-1-of/

http://www.jays-xxx-links.com/sex-bl...r-stretchnuts/

http://www.jays-xxx-links.com/sex-bl...r-haters-ball/

http://www.jays-xxx-links.com/sex-bl...strange-tales/

OK, so I wake up the next morning trying to continue the ?romance? from the night before in the sink of our bathroom.

Again, I am triumphant.

It was Saturday, and after three days of being at the AVN ? it was about time that we actually saw the fucking AVN! So we brave hellacious traffic of South Las Vegas Boulevard, scramble to find parking (the Venitian parking is sold out ? who saw that coming?), we stand in line with the AFCs / Hoy Paloy / Plebians to finally get onto the AVN floor:

Yeah, there is about 7 million hot sluts that have jumped pussy first into the jizz biz there (as is well documented in Q?on Blog), but is just too packed with looky loo dorks?it was basically a Star Trek convention with more silicon tits. In time, hangovers gave way to hunger. Since every other big company had a swanky dinner party that week ? we at OCCash did not want to be outdone. Right there on the floor of the AVN show ? we threw ?The OCCash Dinner?. Our only guest was Gerard ?Mr. Romance? from Spacash (Dirty Travel, The Nasty Bus, and Val In Brazil).




Read the details of this glamorous affair here.

Hopefully, we will be on a bigger budget next year and it will be a bigger event.

From there, we milled around the hotel for a while, mooched off Gerard, and finally made our way to a real swanky dinner party ? The Paycom Dinner (you may see their name on your credit card a lot when you join porn sites). It was one well swanktastic / first-class dinner?

Well done guys!

After, mooched off Gerard some more and waited for the AVN awards to end so we could hit some of the after parties. That?s when I got the call from Ali at Topbucks (Couples Seduce Teens and Backseat Bangers). She had two extra tickets for the AVN Awards. That was great, I asked my business partner JC if he wanted to join me ? and for some reason, he just refuses to go. It wasn?t until later. that I found out he didn?t want to be there because he was going to be nominated for directing the best tranny scene (Tranny Hunt).

Me and Mike from Paycom go meet Ali and the gang at the awards ? which can only be best described as unintentionally hilarious (even though it was, ironically, hosted by Greg Fitzsimmons). The best part was when you could cut the tension with a knife in the audience as they waited with baited breath to hear who the winner of ?Best Anal? was. The girl who won it, ironically, had no ass. This is how Susan Sarandon in must have felt after pulling the Oscar ?Thelma & Louise? in 91. After an hour, the novelty wears off, so I figured it would be best to position myself in front of the merciless onslaught of hoy paloy out of the awards and go to the after party at VBar.

On the way out, I am walking past the fans lines up, and hear some guy yelling, ?Cancel my girls gone wild membership muther fucker?? ? the guy next to me whirls his fist around and I duck it be millimeters. It was Joe Francis.

Had he bitch smacked me?he?d be canceling a lot more than a subscription!

So, I make my way in the VBar. It is a who?s who of the porn business, there were AVN?s flying everywhere. Two of my friends won for best MILF (Milfseeker) and best retail (Wantedlist.com), we get our VIP table stocked with my two favorite poisons (Bud Light and Jaugermiester) and it?s off to the races. That night I am pretty stoked, because I was invited to go to a private sex party to hook up with the ultra yummy Brittany Starr (My First Porn Scene) ? whose triple D tits make it in the room five minutes before her and is looking gorgeous.

After a while of throwing down at the VBar, Brittany says that it?s time to go party. Now, Britany is a weird situation: she has a husband (who is a friend and business associate of OCCash), she has a boyfriend, and she wants to trow some pussy at me.

Conundrum, no?

So we wind up at some penthouse suite with a bunch of European mutherfuckers. I can see that hooking up with Brittany may be getting a little complex due to her personal situation ? her husband don?t give a fuck, but her boyfriend was cock blocking like a mofo. It didn?t matter because there was this other MILF chick there that was giving me some play, so I figured that I would roll with that. What was supposed to be a sex party started turning into a drug party, only that I wasn?t indulging because I didn?t want to find myself shoving oysters into a parking meter when it was time to knock boots. At the party, there was this strippery-looking blonde with big cans that looked strangely familiar to me for some reason, but I didn?t know why.

?Do I know you from somewhere?? she enquires.

I think for a minute?yep, this is all coming back to me. ?Yeah.?, I answered, ?We?ve fucked before.?

She was ?Joyride? from the Crazyhorse, who I?d banged maybe 7 or 8 months earlier after talking to her for about 20 minutes.

Ahh, the romance.

This classy girl goes on to introduce her boyfriend to me, but the dude starts acting a little sketchy. For some reason the MILF watches this exchange, gets all flustered, and runs out the door crying.

Crazy bitches.

This ?sex party? was headed nowhere ? people, were starting to get all coked out and extra sketchy.

When in Rome, do as the Romans.

So figuring out there won?t be any bearded-blood-bombing the clam caves that night. I decide to cut my loses and start doing rock star lines of devils dandruff. Around 6AM we leave the penthouse to go to some late night titty bar / tweaker hangout. I get zooted at fuck in all of the single-locking-stall blow-friendly-private bathrooms.

Around 8:30AM, I decide to leave and go back The Venitian to meet up with Chris who was hanging out with American Perv. American Perv was going big (as always) that night?so, I decide it would be a good idea to stay a while, do more weasel dust and finally leave his room at 10:30AM to make the walk of shame Orleans. We had just 10 minutes before we were supposed to check out and drive back to LA.

There was know way I was driving anywhere in this condition. I lay down, with my heart pounding, to finally pass out ? but just before I do ? I pick up the phone and say to the guy at the desk:

?I need to keep the room for and extra night.?

?OK, that will be 80 bucks.?

Sweet?we?d leave when we woke up.

But?

(to be continued?)

Jay...i got to say you are one funny mother fucker. :1orglaugh :helpme

Jay, you made it in the wrong business. The music business needs more guys like you now a days.

Thanks man...porn is ironicly a more honest business than the music business, If I could stand the music biz -- I would still be doing that.

Aww, it's not that bad. It's gotten considerably more honest in the last 5 years. No more hookers and blow and shady dealings for the most part. Artists are getting paid and middlemen are getting cut out. The middlemen are what made it so tough for artists to prosper and understand.

The corporate clampdown that comes with all the companies going public killed all the money the industry used to party with. It's sad actually. It took the whole spirit of the biz out of it. No one can expense the disco shit for artists during recording sessions anymore. Folks can barely justify blocking out weeks at studios like Conway or The Enterprise anymore while staying at the W in westwood to record an album (and party in the lounge of course). It sucks monkeyballs.

This is why you have so many emo fags on MTV now. Safe, cheap hits. Those fuckers do what the label tells em. Scream at em and they turn into little bitches. That's not rock and roll. :disgust

So glad you picked a decent pic of me Jay.

Glad you had a good time at the AVN awards. You and the OCcash crew are always pure entertainment for me :)

~Alli

That's what we are here for?

in case anyone was wondering, the venetian will not deliver baking soda or tinfoil to your room no matter how many times you call and ask, so don't even bother

Sounds like you had a blast.

Ok well you guys better be prepared for Phx forum. We're preparing now...

~Alli

hahahaha...I have NO IDEA WHAT YOUR ARE TALKING ABOUT...

hahaha :)

:1orglaugh

Last chapter:
http://www.jays-xxx-links.com/sex-bl...inal-hangover/

fyi,

New & "IMPORVED".

hahahahaha


"What was supposed to be a sex party started turning into a drug party, only that I wasn?t indulging because I didn?t want to find myself shoving oysters into a parking meter when it was time to knock boots."

:1orglaugh