Twas the night before Christmas
 

'Twas the night before Christmas--Old Santa was pissed.
He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.
Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks.
I have a good mind to scrap the whole works!

I've busted my ass for damn near a year,
Instead of "Thanks Santa"--what do I hear?
The old lady bitches cause I work late at night.
The elves want more money--The reindeer all fight.

Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids.
Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS.
And just when I thought that things would get better
Those assholes from the IRS sent me a letter,
They say I owe taxes--if that ain't damn funny
Who the hell ever sent Santa Claus any money?

And the kids these days--they all are the pits
They want the impossible--Those mean little shits
I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds
Assembling dolls...Their arms, legs and heads
I made a ton of yo yo's--No request for them,
They want computers and robots...they think - I'm IBM!

Flying through the air...dodging the trees
Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees
I'm quitt! ing this job there's just no enjoyment
I'll sit on my fat ass and draw unemployment.

There's no Christmas this year now you know the reason,
I found me a blonde. I'm going SOUTH for the season

'Twas the month before Christmas,
And just for a stunt,
Santa had his face buried
In Mrs. Claus' c*nt.

There was a loud noise,
And Santa jumped with a start.
It seems Mrs. Claus had cut loose
With one hell of a fart.

All Santa could do was
gag and spit.
His face and his beard
Were all plastered with shit.

Mrs. Claus was still on the bed,
Panting and groaning,
Hollerin' for Santa to
Please get his bone in.

Santa started laughing and shouting,
And with a loud cheer,
He said "I know what I'll do,
I'll screw one of the deer."

They're cleaner and neater,
And don't you suppose,
They'll be just the right height,
If I stand on my toes.

Santa ran from the barn
Shaking his head at the noise.
"Jesus Christ, how was I to know
All the reindeer were boys?

It was getting about time
To head for the south.
Santa was hoping to be rid
Of the taste in his mouth.

As the reindeer proceeded
To line up all in fours,
Santa yelled "Merry Christmas Mrs. Claus
This vibrator is yours.

While Santa rode in the dark night,
His ass frozen to the sled,
He started thinking of Mrs. Claus
At home in her warm bed.

Santa spun around in mid air,
And headed back to the pole,
They say he never got farther
From that hairy old hole.

The moral of this story,
Will end with this bit,
Any job that you do,
You just have to take shit...

:xmas-smil

ADG Webmaster

Nice Sicone! :1orglaugh :thumbsup