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**How to talk about women

1. She is not a "Babe" or a "Chick" - She is a "Breasted American."

2. She is not a "Screamer" or a "Moaner" - She is "Vocally Appreciative."

3. She is not "Easy" - She is "Horizontally Accessible."

4. She is not a "Dumb Blonde" - She is a "Light-Haired Detour off the information superhighway."

5. She has not "Been Around" - She is a "Previously-Enjoyed Companion."

6. She is not an "Airhead" - She is "Reality Impaired."

7. She does not get "Drunk" or "Tipsy" - She gets " Chemically Inconvenienced."

8. She does not have "Breast Implants" - She is "Medically Enhanced."

9. She does not "Nag" you - She becomes "Verbally Repetitive."

10. She is not a "Tramp" - She is "Sexually Extroverted."

11. She does not have "Major League Hooters" - "She is "Pectorally Superior."

12. She is not a "Two-Bit Hooker" - She is a "Low Cost Provider."

**How to speak about Men and be politically correct:

1. He does not have a "Beer Gut" - He has developed a "Liquid Grain Storage Facility."

2. He is not a "Bad Dancer" - He is "Overly Caucasian."

3. He does not "Get Lost All The Time" -- He "Investigates Alternative
Destinations."

4. He is not "Balding" - He is in "Follicle Regression."

5. He is not a "Cradle Robber" - He prefers "Generational Differential Relationships."

6. He does not get "Falling Down Drunk" - He becomes "Accidentally Horizontal."

7. He does not act like a "Total Ass" - He develops a case of "Rectal-Cranial Inversion."

8. He is not a "Male Chauvinist Pig" - He has "Swine Empathy."

9. He is not afraid of "Commitment" - He is "Relationship Challenged."

10. It is not his "Crack" you see hanging out of his pants - It's "Rear Cleavage"