On Anal - Giving It, Getting It, and Enjoying It
I have long been promising an article on the anal sex experience: how to give it, how to get it, and how to convince someone to try it. Well, here you are! Yes teach, I have *finally* done my homework!
First a little background of my qualifications: I've tried anal sex, I was convinced after a few bad experiences to try it again and I ended up enjoying it quite a lot, and since then I've been practicing on perfecting the whole experience. I first tried it several years ago on a whim, and then again a few years later. Both experiences were painful and definitely not something I wanted to replicate. I think we had watched too many porn movies in which the stud dives right in and pounds away. At least for me, that is definitely not how to go about the whole operation. Recently my new boyfriend (you may have met him in the Dreamnet forums or in my LiveJournal) attempted to reintroduce me to the activity. I told him how unenjoyable my previous attempts turned out to be, but he assured me it wouldn't be like that. The key was to take it slow and Pay Attention. And do you know what? He was right.
So Pay Attention! Here we go!
Ok, for now I'm going to talk to the giver, who I'm going to assume (how un-pc of me) is male. The first order of the day is to make sure your finger nails are trimmed short and smooth. No sharp edges, please, because the skin inside her is going to be very thin and very sensitive. If you nick something, she will be in pain for quite possibly a few days and you're not going to get any farther tonight. The second order of the day is to Pay Attention. If she complains or winces, be a gentleman and pull back. Let her breathe and relax before you continue. And if she's in pain or has had too much stimulation, go wash your hands and carry on with something else. Rome wasn't built in a day.
I found the easiest position to try your first experiments is one in which the female is already preoccupied and highly stimulated. You may know this one as the "69". You lie down comfortably on your back with or without a pillow and arrange your woman on top but give her a 180 degree turn, of course. Then let her get busy with whatever she finds entertaining down where her head is. Now that she's occupied, you can go to work. Start her off by giving her some nice licks on her pussy. Get her hot and wet and revved up. Moaning is a good sign (and I've heard it feels good for you, too!) The purpose to beating around the bush (ahem) is to give her so much stimuli that one more source of stimuli feels good and not "weird" or "icky." When you think she's at that point, lube up a finger with whatever liquid you have handy (there should be lots). My man recommends using your middle finger. Press it firmly against the rim of her asshole, massaging it to loosen it up. Then slowly and carefully insert the finger into her ass. Slowly, now! Keep licking and doing whatever else you're doing. This is in addition to other sensations, remember. Go ever so slowly. Pay attention to her internal muscles and work with them, not against them. If she tenses up, do NOT try to force your way past. Tell her to breathe deeply and relax. If she thinks about it, she can concentrate on the muscles in her lower back and relax them. Once she's let go of the tension, you can continue.
So hopefully you are now licking away at her clit, maybe you have a finger or two from one hand in her pussy, and your middle finger on the other hand is in her ass. You are a busy man! But she should be paying you back in very nice dividends at her end of the bed. Feel like you can handle a bit more? Slowly run your ass finger (for lack of a better term) in and out. Pay attention to how far out she can take it, since the sensation can be quite overwhelming. Keep it lubricated! Any dryness or stray hairs can do damage at this point! But remember, once a finger has gone there, it cannot and must not go in her pussy until it has been cleaned. You really don't want her to be fighting an infection the next day, do you?
Ready for something more advanced? Look at your hands right now as you're sitting at your desk. Put them back to back, so your thumbs are back to back, touching each other, as are your other fingers. Now picture your thumbs on her clitoris, your index fingers in her pussy, and your middle fingers in her ass. Got it? Ok, now go hop on the bed, pull her back on top of you, and give it a go. Add "difficulty" in increments. First put your thumbs and index fingers in the appropriate places. Then loosen her up by pressing with your finger around the rim of her nicely lubricated ass, and then insert a wet finger. Finally pull that out and insert both wet fingers. Now if you're well-coordinated, you can move both hands in and out and completely overwhelm her. She should pretty much have an orgasm or come very close. Go ahead, I'll wait.
As time progresses and you both get practiced at feeling your way around, you should find out where her trigger spots are. Try playing with a toy in her pussy and your finger in her ass. If you press (gently) at the right point, you'll be able to massage a g-spot from the other side. You may get some interesting results. :) Anyway, the point is to have fun and explore. There's no point just fumbling around in the dark every time. Learn from each session and remember what she likes and what you like. And be aware that she won't feel like anal play every time you have sex. It's a bit of a tricky thing. Then again, she might.
Slowly increase her ability. One finger can lead to two, can lead to three, can lead to a small toy. Try a soft toy though, not a hard vibrator. A hard shelled toy is too likely to poke her hard in the wrong angle and cause pain. Keep everything good and wet and clean, and no switching holes! Once it's gone in the back, you can't put it in the front until it gets a good cleaning!
Moving on to anal sex is just one more step. We found the easiest way to go about the first time is to lie your woman on her back on the bed. It's easier for me without a pillow under my head, in order to keep my upper body straight and my back relaxed. Instead try putting the pillow under her buttocks and lower back. You want to tilt her up to meet you, so it's not a hard angle. After some really good foreplay (make sure she's hot to trot) get her in this position and ask her if she's ready to give it a try. If you get the thumbs up, make sure the entire area is very wet. Again, you'll want to keep her clitoris and pussy stimulated, so she doesn't focus on the unusual pressure in other areas. Wet everything, start with the pressure on the rim with a thumb or finger, and loosen her up with thumb or finger or toy, whichever you've progressed to. Then once she's ready, slowly but firmly press your penis into her ass. Keep it lubricated! You don't want to put her in pain! Go slowly, and if she tenses up, stop moving or pull back a bit and reassure her. Tell her to breathe deeply and relax those lower back muscles. Once she's relaxed, continue on. If she can't take you all the way the first time, don't get discouraged. Enjoy the progress you've made.
Once you're inside, experiment with some movement in and out. Keep your hands busy stimulating the rest of her. Don't let her focus on just the weird sensations in her ass, because she's very likely to tense up and put a stop to the whole operation. Just be very gentle and loving and take things slowly. The more comfortable she feels, the better the experience will be for the both of you.
After some practice, you should be able to get some good thrusting going without any pain for either of you. You may need to take it slow, though, since it should produce some rather intense sensations for you as well as for her. You don't want to end things too quickly now, do you? Remember those trigger spots you found when you were playing with your fingers? Try to hit those with your penis. You should be able to develop muscular control that allows you to choose a spot and hit it with consistent aim and pressure. A quick warning: anal in the doggy-style position seems like a good idea in theory. In reality, if you go about it like it's regular sex, you will end up putting pressure on her spine and not on her trigger points at all. This could mean a sad end to the evening for the both of you. It's much better to try anal sex from the missionary position or with her lying on her stomach, with a pillow under her hips and you propped up above her. Make sense?
At this point it's all about enjoying yourselves. You have now successfully incorporated a whole new activity into your repertoire together. Enjoy it, explore it, and have fun with it. I know I am. :)
If there's enough demand and if I get some experience under my belt, maybe I'll post an "Advanced Anal" article. :)
~ Elli
(Note: This article is my opinion and based on personal research and with much valuable assistance from my boyfriend, Nocturne. :) I am not a scientist or a doctor or an expert.)
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(First posted on ElliNude.com)
