JurySummons
 

Mother fucker..

I just got a Jury Summons letter to do Jury duty.

I called them to try to get out of it, and thenI asked how they got my name, they said they selected me randomly via the Voter Registration list.

I suggest you inquire how to get off the Voter Registration list asap, and or never register to Vote in order to avoid this painful Civic Duty.

I guess when they do the interview when they select the jury for the trial, Ill come off as the angry, Ive been a victum of the law person.

Maybe they will dismiss me.

dude i can get you of it

i fucked this Judges daughter in Portland area, she said i was a good fuck.

Send me the info she owes me a favor

Man i pumped her poonani to oblivion yo

I feel your pain, I have to go tomorrow at 8:00am.. I'm just gonna say if the cop arrested them, they must be guilty.

tell them you have a fetish for female lawyers, so you will have a hard time paying attention to the trial because you will keep picturing it turning into a hardcore lawyer gangbang

Paint a swastika on your forehead and wear a Nazi costume..they will boot you pretty quick

I got off by saying that the case struck too close to home and that I couldn't judge in a fair manner..... That was after sitting in a court room for 6 hours though until I had my chance to approach the lawyers for questioning.

Most miserable day of my life.

Ok..

Lets make this happen..

Ill give you a Running Back for it.

Ha!!! I like that one!!

I think Ill use that one too!

Ill also act stoned..

Hmmm.. Maybe I wont act.

6 hours??

WTF..

They better get this done faster than that..

Just tell them you're self employed and you can't leave your work due to contractual obligations. If that doesn't work, just tell don't worry, I can pick out a guilty person just by looking at them :)
WG

That sucks! I hope u get out of it. My Dad got picked for jury duty, and ended up getting picked for the trial! At first he was mad, but then he was glad when it was all over. It was for a murder trial at the federal level.

They know better then that. They see through it. It wont work.

The best bet is to claim a medical condition that can't be verified. Panic Disorder works well. "I do not have a problem doing my civic duty but I can not guarantee I will not have a panic attack and disrupt the process".

Hmm Panic attack..

Hmmmmmmmm.

I got one on Friday, I have to call in two weeks to see if I have to go. In California, they get the list from the DMV, so you can't get out of it. I actually don't mind if I get picked, I think it would be pretty interesting.

In big black magic marker.... write across the application.... that you are a pornographer and you do not have the morals and values to serve on a jury. They'll remove your name from their list.

Are there any hot chicks ever at this thing?

yeah, 50 and 60 year olds who look like Geritol past them by.

just tell them you are an internet pornographer, that should do it.
worked for me.
that and the fact I was up for obscenity concerning one of my adult bookstores.
doubt if they will ever call me again.
broke my heart too.

Tell them you have a criminal record and you're outta there. Seriously.

However, if you DON'T, and they CHECK, here's a few more...

-I can tell if people are guilty by looking at them.
-I'm attracted to you, your honor.
-If a police officer told me I was a bug, I would believe him.
-My religion prohibits me from sitting near other people.
-Would I have to bathe?
-Can each of my personalities vote in deliberations?
-Laws are for sissies.
-Your marshall's handcuffs are turning me on.
-I'm allergic to justice.
-I'm deaf. (Answer questions thereafter by cupping hand and shouting "What?")
-A pit bull named [defendant's first name] just killed my baby.
-I have Tourette's Syndrome, you fucking asshole.
-I get dizzy if I try to weigh evidence.
-Have you ever done this, your honor? (Chop off your ear with a razor).
-An eye for an eye? I say we take his head for an eye! (Point at defendant).


Since those will probably fail, and you'll have to serve, at least have some fun....

-Raise your hand during witness testimony and ask if it would have been appropriate for the defense to object at that point.
-Come for duty as a TRUE Scotsman in a kilt. Every 15 minutes play a tape of "Lord of the Dance" and dance along SHOWING everyone you're a true Scotsman.
-Turn your seat away from the courtroom. When questioned, tell them the jury foreman put you on a timeout.
-Stand up and request a sidebar.
-Stare at the defendant and run your finger across your neck as if you're slicing your throat.
-Wink and blow kisses at the prosecution. Gender is irrelevant.
-Have pizza delivered to the jury box as per "Fast Times at Ridgemont High".
-During awkward pauses by witnesses, start to hum the "Jeopardy" theme song out loud...add a loud "BUZZ" when they finally answer and say, "I'm sorry, that's incorrect."
-Every time there's a female witness, lean over to another juror (always the same one) and say, "Boneprone fucked her."

Note-be sure to do these during your first hour of the trial or before you're held in contempt of court...whichever comes first.

I do..

And I was convicted in this Court..

I was on Probation for 4 years and just got off my probation last MONTH!! September 21st...

The last time I was in that Court it was when I was convicted..

Too funny. Now they want me back in so I can stick it to another.

Actually im kinda looking forward to this now.

Tell them you are a buddhist and cannot pass judgement on anyone. :2 cents:

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh

what did you do? .... spill the beans....
:winkwink:

i got out of mine a couple months ago.

just write them a letter saying that your income comes from being self employed and time off would damage your income severly.

i did that and im off the list for 5 yrs :thumbsup

haha.. I do get anxious and shit..

It's old news..

Most the old school GFYer's know...

It was a car chase.. Seems now like a long long long time ago.

And before you jump the gun, no I wasnt drunk or on drugs..

Just your avarage car chase with City Police, Country Sherif's, State Troopers, and the County Helicopter..

About 8 cars in all, a chopper and an off duty elected official.

Oh yeah, and A Corvette. Mine.

Chase was from city to city, and jumping city lines. State and County had to get involved.

so.. you just ran for no reason?.... weird :disgust

For love of the game.

I had to enroll in some Anger Management courses thereafter as part of my probation..

About 2 weeks worth of classes with wife beaters, fighters, and rage mongours..

After that I became pretty mellow of a lad..

Im pretty mellow in general..

But as most people know, those mellow easy going guys that never ever get mad like myself, when we do get mad that once in a blue moon, it's bad.. It becomes a major snap..

I had a snap..

And I was in a Vette.. And had some cops chasing me.

I figured I could loose em..

I was wrong.

Maybe it's not so bad, but I hope whatever you're planning works.

I just submitted the the packet saying I will be attending..

Then I'll see if I can get out of it during the interview.

See if I can scare em.

the easiest way to get off it, assuming you run your own business is to tell them that by missing a day of work your business can potentially suffer loses which may result in the business going under.

if you read the shit closely there is a disclaimer for that. i've had a few of them and got out each one by calling em up and telling them that shit. of course, if you don't run your shit don't say you do.

Just make it sound like the cops have ruffed you up a bit, and then say that you believe that anyone who has been arrested is NOT guilty.

just be openly racist in front of them.

if it is a shite person..say shit like..payback is a bitch for slavery eh?

or if it is a black person..say shit like...payback is a bitch..or just scream i hate !@#$$%%

if it is asian....im sure you get the picture

Just go with a pancake on your head.. shouldn't have any problems getting out like that.

PS the racist shit never works.. judge's have been dealing with that excuse for ever.