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Want to get to know someone? Think you know someone real well, but maybe you don?t? Are you ready for a personality test that cuts through all the Freudian B.S. and breaks it down to four simple questions: ?Gum? Cum? Guns? Gangs?- Which do you like? A person?s responses to these questions will tell you a lot more than you would think about them.

Before I explain why, let me tell you how I stumbled onto this genius little theory. One night I was hanging around with these two strippers (he, he - yeah, cool), it was quite late, we were drinking, and we had been using some ?substances? (let?s just say these ?substances? come in a pill form, are very popular at raves, and will make your spinal cord look like a garden hose).

I offered one of the girls a piece of gum.

She said, ?I don?t like guns.?

I replied, ?No, I asked if you wanted some gum??

So, then she says, ?I like cum!?

So then I?m like, ?That?s gireat, but do you want some gum??

?No. I don?t like gangs.? she replied.

Finally I held the piece of gum right in front of her and she took it. Then she says, ?I like gum.? So then I say, ?OK. So let?s get this straight, you do like gum and cum, but you don?t like guns and gangs? Right??

She says, ?Yes?.

I got to thinking about it and realized I liked the same things. I like gum. I like cum - not other guys cum, but I like to cum and I like to make women cum, so the answer would be yes on the first two questions. I don?t really like guns. They make me nervous and if I had one I don?t think I could trust myself with one. Every time someone pissed me off it would just be too tempting to make someone look like Swiss Cheese (and at the rate I?m going the mountains of dead I was responsible for would make the atrocities of Hitler and Stalin combined look like small potatoes.) As for gangs, I think the concept of a gang is good, but at the end of the day, it?s only bad news for the person who isn?t in one. As we all know the Crips and Bloods have not done a bunch for society these days (I was thinking about joining them both and becoming a Crud), and if you really think about it - the police, political parties, religions, and government are all just glorified gangs.

If you asked the same four questions to a variety of people you would be amazed at the variation in responses you would get. Like I said, I was 2 for 2 in that particular combination. But what about the guy who?s 3 for 4? 1 for 4? 4 for 4? I?ve spent some time asking people (mostly at parties) and I?ll tell you why I think this tells you so much about them, and it?s all open to interpretation.

Gum? Who doesn?t like gum? You?d have to be an idiot not to. It?s cheap. It makes you breath smell good. It tastes good, and if you don?t like one flavor - they make about a million more - I?m sure you can find one. If you?re worried about your teeth, they make sugarless. Be very wary of the person who does not like gum. It?s a character flaw - you?re cheap, uptight, you enjoy offending people with your breath, or you are not into new experiences (finding that right flavor). It might sound petty, but investigate for yourself and you will find this is true.

Cum? Now, I would like to say this means cum, in the broadest sense of the word - I doesn?t have to be your cum, it can be someone else?s, it can be that act of doing it, or it can be making someone else do it. When I say cum what do you think - good or bad? I would think anyone in their right mind would say ?good? or ?yes?, but a negative response could mean a lot of things also. A ?no? would mean that person probably has some sexual hang-ups. Maybe they aren?t good in bed. Who knows? A person who answers ?no? when you answer ?yes? (or vice versa) is probably not the best choice as a place to park your dick (or pussy).

Guns? Well that?s a different matter?my reason for not liking guns is mostly because I would probably kill too many people. However - you may like guns, you may want to own one for your own protection, you might think they are fun - this does not make you a bad person. It?s just a philosophical difference, plus I think it gives insight into a person?s mentality. If you don?t like them - maybe you don?t feel like you have enough self-control to own one, you may know you have a bad temper, or you may fall to temptation easily. If you do like them you may covet power, you might like having authority, you might feel confident about your decisions (or you might not and might have one anyway), or you might just have a small penis and you gun becomes an extension thereof. It?s all subjective, but it can tell you an awful lot.

Gangs? Not for me, and I explained why, but some people do like them. Maybe they think street gangs are cool?I don?t see the good in something you get your ass kicked into and are considered a vet to still be alive or not in prison at 21 years old. People who like street gangs have low IQs and should be avoided. If you like gangs it means you like to be one of the crowd - you have to be part of something bigger - there could be some co-dependency issues here. Like I said - the concept is good, but the whole world will never be in the same gang, so get ready for a gang war. I would rather judge a person solely on my dealings with them and not as part of what organization they belong to. Like I said - government, religion, law enforcement?gangs.

Now I?m not saying that anyone who doesn?t fit into my ideals is wrong, but rather use these questions to figure more about someone you just have met or already know. If you really think about it, it makes so much sense - it?s scary - and these are just the ramblings of some drug addled drunk on a porn website. I?m serious, try it a few times?ask someone, ?Gum? Cum? Guns? Gangs?? Do they think the same as you? Or are they some 0 for 0 or a 4 for 4 freak?! Are you a freak? Can you say it 5 times fast? Bet you can?t. ?Gum? Cum? Guns? Gangs?? - even if you think my whole theory is total bullshit - it does make for good conversation at parties (way better than ?Dude, guess who your ex-girlfriend is fucking?? or ?Today at work?blah, blah, blah?). So you have nothing to lose and you might even learn something about your self or someone else.