Hey sonofsam
 

One time I was eating pasta and I noticed my shoelace was untied. I kindly asked a lady by the name of Sally Field to hand me a bread stick. Little did I know, this same Sally Field would be the same Sally Field that would go on to star in such hit movies as Forrest Gump.

how is it my fault that chio was dressed as a lion and driving out of the zoo?

they had every right to believe it was one of the animals planning an escape.

Depending on whether or not your cousin can mail me that meatloaf via FedEX, we might just have ourselves a deal here.

In other news, I can't believe Tony Scarboney is going to homecoming with Theresa McNeil. Did you see the new tires by BFGoodrich?

speaking of BFGoodrich, i was walking around the mall and this guy was like yo.. stop looking at my girlfriend... but he was by himself... and then it was really awkward.. and the security gaurd came and was all like "the malls closing so you guys gotta leave"

hes lucky the security gaurd came, i was getting ready to pull out my credit report to show him how good my credit is


chio... get in this thread!

I told a car dealership to give me one of their balloons one time. He gave it to me, and its a good thing because I ended up giving it to a little kid. And this girl was there wathcing, and she though it was real sweet and nice of me and then we had sex. She was legal of course. Then she baked me a nice manicotti dish and let me collect her pubic hairs for further research. My research concluded that her pubes were indeed really pubic hair, and that the monster at the end of the street was indeed really a air conditioner.

Chio is on the phone with me, he said that you smell like canned peaches. He wasn't clear on whether or not it was whole peaches, sliced peaches or diced peaches.

Zippy the Pinhead called. He wants his non sequiturs back.

Oh, and giant monster climbing beverages put veal on my face.

You sir can tell the phone company that I will not lower myself to drinking tea in a truck stop.

Also notify the paparazzi that I will be leaving the brick oven in the rain.

See the screaming hot black steaming irridescent naugahyde python screaming: "Steamroller!"

Noone does non sequitur like frank.

All groupies must bow down in the sacred presence of the Latex Solar Beef.

I own bwanadik.com.

My dick is a monster,
Give me your heart.

Bwana Dik is a legend,
Enormous thou art.

My dick is a Harley,
You kick it to start.

Bwana Dik speaks,
The heavens will part.

My dick is a dagger,
I'll force it to fit,
My dick is a reamer, baby,
To scream up your slit.