hey, you, prick,
 

can you tell a joke I never heard before?

I'm bored.

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Stevie Wonder is playing over in Japan and the crowd is loving it.
This little asian kid is yelling "steve, play a jazz cord!"
So Stevie plays a jazz cord
The little asian kid keeps yelling "steve, play a jazz cord!"
So Stevie plays another one and the kid keeps yelling "steve, play a jazz cord"

Stevie wonder finally gets mad and says, Kid, get up on stage and you do it. So the Asian kid gets on stage and sings

"I jazz chord to say I wove you"


It's funny in person, you have to say it outloud an will get it ;)

there was a russian, a jew and a americian walking down the beach

they stumble over a lamp, poof genie pops out gives everyone 1 wish.

the russian wishes him and all his people are back to mother russia

poof disapeares

jew wishes him and all his people are back to isreal. poof gone

the guy from the states asks the genie, you mean to tell me all the russians are back in russia? genie says yes. all the jews back to isreal? genie says yes

americian says.. well fuck.. give me a case of beer

Duck walks into a bar and says to the bar man " Got any bread?" barman says "no".

Duck looks up at the barman "got any bread?"
Barman says "NO"
Duck asks the barman "got any bread?"
Barman says "if you ask me for bread one more time i'll nail your bill to the bar"
Duck says "got any nails?"
Barman"no"
Duck "Got any bread?"

tom & harry only have $2 between them & they want to get shitfaced.
Harry says to tom, "hey, i got an idea. wait here" Harry goes to the sausage store & buys a sausage. Tom says :what the fuck harry, now we have no money at all" Harry assure tom he has a plan. "don't worry, i got a plan. follow my lead". so tom & harry go to the bar. they sit down & harry orders two beers & two shots. Tom says, "you know where gonna be in big trouble" harry says "dont worry, just drink". So they drink up. next, harry stands up he puts the sausage down his pants & says to tom "trust me.. get on your knees & suck on the sausage" so tom does what he's told. the bartender looks over & starts freaking out & throws them out of the bar. seeing that this little trick worked they did this over & over for the rest of the night & hit up 12 bars. Later on the way home tom says to harry "damn sure felt weird dude" & harry replies "how do you think i feel? I lost the sausage at the first bar. "

The Army's Camel
A Captain in the foreign legion was transfered to a desert outpost. On his orientation tour he noticed a very old, seedy looking camel tied out back of the enlisted mens barracks. He asked the Sargent leading the tour,

"What's the camel for?".

The Sargent replied "Well sir it's a long way from anywhere, and the men have natural sexual urges, so when they do, uh, we have the camel."

The captain said "Well if it's good for moral, then I guess it's all right with me."

After he had been at the fort for about 6 months the captain could not stand it any more so he told his Sargent, "BRING IN THE CAMEL!!!" The sarge shrugged his shoulders and led the camel into the captains quarters.

The captain got a foot stool & proceeded to have vigorous sex with the camel. As he stepped, satisfied, down from the stool, and was buttoning his pants he asked the Sargent, "Is that how the enlisted men do it?"

The Sargent replied, "Well sir, they usually just use the camel to ride into town to find the women.

Hahaha, I love this one man. :thumbsup

this is from the boondock saints, if I remember correctly?!

what do you call a gay guy in a wheelchair?
rollaids