ENGINE TROUBLES
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic, "It
died."
After he works on it for a few minutes, it's idling smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburettor."
She says, "How often do I have to do that?"
-----
EXPOSURE
A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right
breast hanging out.
A policeman approaches her and says, "Ma'am, are you aware that I could
cite you for indecent exposure?"
She says, "Why, officer?"
"Because your breast is hanging out."She looks down and says, "OH MY
GOD, I left the baby on the bus again!"
-----
KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.
Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the
wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren,the
trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled,
"PULLOVER!"
"NO," the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
-----
BLONDE ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.
The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"
The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"
The Blonde said, "So what, we're going to be the first on the sun!"
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their
heads.
"You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the
Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going
at night!"
----
SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely
if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys
would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license
and then today you expect me to show it to you!"
----
THE VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn.
She rolled the dice and she landed on "Science & Nature."
Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name,
can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
----
FINAL EXAM
The blonde reported for her university final examination that consists
of "yes/no" type questions.
She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper
for five minutes,and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out,
removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet
"Yes"
for
Heads and "No" for Tails. Within half an hour she is all done, whereas
the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few minutes,
she is seen desperately throwing the coin, muttering and sweating. The
moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on.
"I finished the exam in half an hour, but I'm rechecking my answers."
----
THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
There was a blonde woman who was having financial troubles so she
decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom. She went to a local
park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote this note.
"I have kidnapped your child. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind
the big oak tree in the park tomorrow at 7 A.M.
Signed, The Blonde". She pinned the note inside the little boy's jacket
and told him to go straight home.
The next morning, she returned to the park to find the $10,000 in a
brown bag, behind the big oak tree, just as she had instructed.
Inside the bag was the following note... "Here is your money. I cannot
believe that one blonde would do this to another!"
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic, "It
died."
After he works on it for a few minutes, it's idling smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburettor."
She says, "How often do I have to do that?"
-----
EXPOSURE
A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right
breast hanging out.
A policeman approaches her and says, "Ma'am, are you aware that I could
cite you for indecent exposure?"
She says, "Why, officer?"
"Because your breast is hanging out."She looks down and says, "OH MY
GOD, I left the baby on the bus again!"
-----
KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.
Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the
wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren,the
trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled,
"PULLOVER!"
"NO," the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
-----
BLONDE ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.
The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"
The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"
The Blonde said, "So what, we're going to be the first on the sun!"
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their
heads.
"You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the
Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going
at night!"
----
SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely
if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys
would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license
and then today you expect me to show it to you!"
----
THE VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn.
She rolled the dice and she landed on "Science & Nature."
Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name,
can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
----
FINAL EXAM
The blonde reported for her university final examination that consists
of "yes/no" type questions.
She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper
for five minutes,and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out,
removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet
"Yes"
for
Heads and "No" for Tails. Within half an hour she is all done, whereas
the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few minutes,
she is seen desperately throwing the coin, muttering and sweating. The
moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on.
"I finished the exam in half an hour, but I'm rechecking my answers."
----
THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
There was a blonde woman who was having financial troubles so she
decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom. She went to a local
park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote this note.
"I have kidnapped your child. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind
the big oak tree in the park tomorrow at 7 A.M.
Signed, The Blonde". She pinned the note inside the little boy's jacket
and told him to go straight home.
The next morning, she returned to the park to find the $10,000 in a
brown bag, behind the big oak tree, just as she had instructed.
Inside the bag was the following note... "Here is your money. I cannot
believe that one blonde would do this to another!"
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