Who here has been touched by suicide?
 

I personally have.

If you notice the date on the left March 1, 2003 that is the day my mother took her own life.

Those who make comments about how people are cowards for killing themselves and have not ever been directly affected by the suicide of a loved one whether it be family or friend would be surprised that, that is a constant thought that goes through the survivors heads day in and day out.

There is no bigger rejection in life than for a loved one to kill themselves, and there aren't much bigger guilts in life you experience when a loved one kills themself.

The range of emotions a survivor goes through is never ending. To this day I get angry at my mother when I think about something I would love to share with her good or bad.

I get angry when she misses out on important events in my nieces life.

But I also feel guilt as if I was just another nail in her coffin. I think back over my life and all the things I did wrong, all the things I said that I can't take back, for not being there, for making a big move away from her to Vegas.

So yeah, we all agree. Suicide can be a very cowardly, very selfish thing to do.

But you know what? I wasn't there the day she decided to do this. That's the tough part I don't have the answers.

I don't know what pushed her to the point that she came to the conclusion that to end her life was her best possible choice.

So I can only judge her based on how it directly affected me, and not just the act itself and for all I know my anger I feel could be selfish. My mother was in a lot of pain. She wasn't in the best of health, there were hints that she may have found out she had cancer but I can't find out because of patient doctor confidentiality.

Okay I'm rambling now. My point being is that those of you who have not been directly affected by suicide..."you're preaching to the choir."

However, with our insite and through an attempt at healing our own pain in order to deal with it we have to look at where that loved one was either physically or mentally.

It doesn't mean we forgive them completely. That's a hard thing to do. It does mean we try to understand them and their actions.

I had a good friend of mine blow his head off..he was 21 and that happened about 20 years ago.He was in dept up to his ass due to coke..still miss him to this day

One of my best friends hung himself a year ago. :(

One of my aunts commited suicide years ago. She was one of the "cool" adult relatives a kid could have, ya know?

I feel ya. Close family member here :( :( :(

a friend in college whom I treated as my "mentor in life" OD himself. Up to now I still wonder what pushed him to the edge.

my cousin (a good friend of mine at the time) killed himself at the age of 18, in 1993. his father (my uncle) killed himself 2003. both used the same handgun.

My grandfather killed himself when I was 8. The guilt was devastating to everyone in our family. Everyone felt like they somehow let him down or could have done something differently.

Steve Lightspeed

A close friend hung himself on Dec.31st 1999 ( new millenium). His last call was to me, but I was in Florida at Epcott Center :(

His 6 years kid found him the next day, still hanging....

shit!!!!

an uncle of mine hung himself in the bathtub

and i was working for a year in a retirement home and witnessed 2 or 3 people killing themselves due to diseases or simply being tired of life. :2 cents:

i've known a lot of people who have, but i wasn't close to them.

I'm sure everyone has seen the thread I just posted. I didn't know that about your mom eros. :(

Unreal the number of people that have experiences with this. Sad stuff...

Me to Steve, but this was like in 98, and he lived out of state so i didnt see him for awhile.. Man guilt really sucks

When I was 13 a friend and I got in to a figh the next day she shot her self in the head. I had a hard time getting over it. She had problems at home with her step-father but I felt partly resposible. I guess when you know someone who comits suicide you always wonder if there was something you could of done that would of changed the way things turned out.

Bella-Seaira

I think the most difficult thing about suicide is the blanket of guilt that surrounds friends and family.

My stepfather stuck a 45 in his mouth on the day my mom remarried. I was around 12 and he had married my mom when I was an infant so he was like my real dad.

He was an X Green Beret special forces and went thru some disturbing things in Cambodia during the Vietnam War. I'm sure he had some issues stemming from all that he had witnessed and the added depression sent him over the edge.

I still have most of his army medals (including a Bronze Star) and some other personal effects.

I was definitely touched by it and I just don't know why people reached such point of ending their life. Well, I said I just don't understand--I didn't I totally condemn them.

lost a friend in high school due to him hanging himself

and lost another friend in college, he shot himself

Amazing how many peope have felt the sting of suicide.

And yes the guilt is amazing. I felt like the worst son ever.

this thread really makes me sad and scared. :( i don't want my friends or my loved-ones to commit suicide. :(

A coworker/casual friend at a place I worked at 7 years ago hung himself. He had a nice car, hot girlfriend and always seemed to be in a great mood. But he was involved with drugs and I heard he owed some people a lot of money. Everyday bullshit can get to you if you let it.

The girl who lived across the street from me throughout my teenage years shot herself through the head. I had had a crush on her from the day I met her to the day she died; fair to say I was in love with her.

She left behind two small children. No one knows what set her off, no one who's telling anyway. It hurt so much I didn't want to live anymore either. It didn't help that this happened while I was still grieving for the death of my infant son... but that's another story.

My friend Matt killed himself in 2001. He had everything... male model looks, money (his father left a huge trust fund), he had a lot of women who adored him, he was well travelled (Europe, South America, etc), he was intelligent and witty. And it all ended in a lonely corner of an apartment near Cal State Northridge. Although he had a lot of friends, he never got over his father's death from cancer 2 years before. Rest in Peace, Matt. Since his memory lives on in the lives he touched, he's enriched his friends' lives. We'll take that to wherever we're going.

My best friend had done it to himself as well, this was 20 about years ago.....I was totally devestated at the time, still miss him a lot, just went to his grave last week as a matter of fact.............he is with me in spirit all of the time............

Very true.

Excellent post, Eros. As many know, my son committed suicide exactly 5 months ago tomorrow. I am a member of a parents of suicide support group which is mostly comprised of mothers (easily 97%) and we can say things to each other that if anyone else heard them, we'd probably be committed. The scary part is how many are 10-12 years down the road and still cry every day. Losing a child is awful. Losing one to suicide is almost unbearable.

I know I'd feel the same if anything ever happend to my grandmother..

You know the story.

my cousin hung himself in the basement of his parents' home. they found him.

My uncle Geppy took his life when I was 11, I still miss him to this day .

My roommate killed himself in the Marines with a 9mm, I walked in right as he did it. My Staff Sgt killed himself (which I saw) and his family (which I didn't see) two other Marines I was friends with did the same thing, a female Marine slit her own neck.

My Dads friend about 15 years ago did it with a shotgun.

my good friend, Gordon...hung himself in re-hab, after taking 40-60 xanax a day, from 4 different doctors, the rules, stated: no shoes in his room....but he had his shoes and shoestring's :-(
He left behind two little girls that look just like him, when the monther would bring them to the cosmetic counter, I worked at...I would start crying and had to go to the back stock room, I know it was the drugs, cause he would quote the bible, and said people that killed themselves, were weak and went to Hell!
I don't think these people are in hell, if someone is hurting bad enough to end it, I think god is wainting to help.
I don't want to argue this, it's what I believe.

another good friend's dad, shot himself...while she was in high school, she has never ever been the same!

a guy from high school, got into a fight with his Mom and Dad, ran into the bedroom and got a gun, ran back out into the living room, and shot himself in the head...right in front of them!

so sad, only posting this...incase someone might, spot someone living in trouble!

~LL

Man that's harsh.

I dated a great gal for a long time in my early 30's. Her sister's husband was Bob Merrill who was a famous song writer and Broadway show lyricist. One of his biggest hits was Barbra Streisand's famous song "People, People who need People .... " and the Broadway hit Funny Girl. He got cancer and was in constant pain. Decided he couldn't take the prospect of dying all fucked up from it and everyone seeing him deteriorate like that, so he went out to his car in his driveway and put a gun to his head and kaboom took his own life.

He was a really down to earth nice guy and the last kind you'd think would do that. But I guess when you see no light at the end of your tunnel in life, everything takes on a different perspective and you've lost all hope for ever being healthy again.

Here's some of his best music . . .

http://www.songwritershalloffame.org..._img_large.jpg

http://www.cyberattic.com/stores/mom...1/catphoto.jpg

http://www.musical-theatre.net/graph.../breakfast.jpg

http://www.cbo-boxoffice.com/full/p5507.jpg

good thread ... my cousin suicided himself when I was younger ... made me swore to myself I'd never do it ... and I've honestly never had any real suicidal thoughts

It was only on this board that I've known enough suicide cases.

Interesting you say that...they do say that once there is a suicide in the family the chances increase for more...I guess from all the guilt, anger and depression associated with it..plus there's probably already some form of mental illness present as well in the family.

Hey Eros,


My mother killed herself too. Drank anti-freeze. Pretty easy way to go IMO and no big mess for the family to clean up. I was pretty fxcking hurt for a week or so, but I think my experiences with her mental illness helped me get "over" it quicker than other people who may not have had much warning before a loved one kills themselves.


She was manic-depressive and was always pretty eccentric. She was the type of person who could get a $400 dollar bill for a car repair, panic that it's such a big bill, and yet have 1000's of dollars sitting in the bank and stashed away in her house. She rarely drank, never did drugs, was a garage-sale fanatic and collected books. By all means people would think she was normal until she would goto work wearing a mickey mouse hat on a jeans day friday.


Mental illnesses are a really shitty thing to treat. When my mother was on meds, she was a zombie devoid of much personality. I actually liked her more when she acted pretty nutty. :) Hehe, I have nothing but pleasent memories of her now, and to be honest, I don't think I would have changed things. She probably had more fun while being somewhat unstable, than when she was drugged up and lethargic.

I had my father die right in front of my eye, in my mothers arms...Try going throught hat.

My condolences man...but this isn't a contest.

I'm sorry for your loss.

much appreciated. fair enough. :thumbsup

i try not to let it bother me....does once in awhile but ya need to move on.

a friend of mine lost his son who accidenatally played with a gun.

My friend Bill down the street from me in high school killed himself a year and a half ago. He had gotten into some bad debts with the wrong people. He had constant physical pain from a genetic disorder in his legs.

One day he called me up asking if I could find him opiates, which of courese i told him no because he had other problems i had known about.

A few days later he locked himself in his grandparents garage with the windows down, took a bunch of sleeping pills, and fell into the abyss.

He left a note that said one thing "No more pain". Sad too. Kid lived 2 doors down when i was in high school and was a pretty good friend.

Other than that, Ripper was a very good online frined of mine. If i hadn't gotten my ambien rx that day and was awake to see what he was icq'ing me about irc, i would have saved the kid's life. I had his mother's phone #. My friend in austria watched him do all he did on cam but had no idea about anything phramaceutical. if he had any idea he would have called me to save him. Sad shit.

one of my very close friend comitted suicide september 30th 2004...he stabbed himself with a short sword...

RIP eddy, amoslt a year and I still think of him everyday...