I personally have.
If you notice the date on the left March 1, 2003 that is the day my mother took her own life.
Those who make comments about how people are cowards for killing themselves and have not ever been directly affected by the suicide of a loved one whether it be family or friend would be surprised that, that is a constant thought that goes through the survivors heads day in and day out.
There is no bigger rejection in life than for a loved one to kill themselves, and there aren't much bigger guilts in life you experience when a loved one kills themself.
The range of emotions a survivor goes through is never ending. To this day I get angry at my mother when I think about something I would love to share with her good or bad.
I get angry when she misses out on important events in my nieces life.
But I also feel guilt as if I was just another nail in her coffin. I think back over my life and all the things I did wrong, all the things I said that I can't take back, for not being there, for making a big move away from her to Vegas.
So yeah, we all agree. Suicide can be a very cowardly, very selfish thing to do.
But you know what? I wasn't there the day she decided to do this. That's the tough part I don't have the answers.
I don't know what pushed her to the point that she came to the conclusion that to end her life was her best possible choice.
So I can only judge her based on how it directly affected me, and not just the act itself and for all I know my anger I feel could be selfish. My mother was in a lot of pain. She wasn't in the best of health, there were hints that she may have found out she had cancer but I can't find out because of patient doctor confidentiality.
Okay I'm rambling now. My point being is that those of you who have not been directly affected by suicide..."you're preaching to the choir."
However, with our insite and through an attempt at healing our own pain in order to deal with it we have to look at where that loved one was either physically or mentally.
It doesn't mean we forgive them completely. That's a hard thing to do. It does mean we try to understand them and their actions.
If you notice the date on the left March 1, 2003 that is the day my mother took her own life.
Those who make comments about how people are cowards for killing themselves and have not ever been directly affected by the suicide of a loved one whether it be family or friend would be surprised that, that is a constant thought that goes through the survivors heads day in and day out.
There is no bigger rejection in life than for a loved one to kill themselves, and there aren't much bigger guilts in life you experience when a loved one kills themself.
The range of emotions a survivor goes through is never ending. To this day I get angry at my mother when I think about something I would love to share with her good or bad.
I get angry when she misses out on important events in my nieces life.
But I also feel guilt as if I was just another nail in her coffin. I think back over my life and all the things I did wrong, all the things I said that I can't take back, for not being there, for making a big move away from her to Vegas.
So yeah, we all agree. Suicide can be a very cowardly, very selfish thing to do.
But you know what? I wasn't there the day she decided to do this. That's the tough part I don't have the answers.
I don't know what pushed her to the point that she came to the conclusion that to end her life was her best possible choice.
So I can only judge her based on how it directly affected me, and not just the act itself and for all I know my anger I feel could be selfish. My mother was in a lot of pain. She wasn't in the best of health, there were hints that she may have found out she had cancer but I can't find out because of patient doctor confidentiality.
Okay I'm rambling now. My point being is that those of you who have not been directly affected by suicide..."you're preaching to the choir."
However, with our insite and through an attempt at healing our own pain in order to deal with it we have to look at where that loved one was either physically or mentally.
It doesn't mean we forgive them completely. That's a hard thing to do. It does mean we try to understand them and their actions.
~TheDoc - ICQ7765825
Hehe, I have nothing but pleasent memories of her now, and to be honest, I don't think I would have changed things. She probably had more fun while being somewhat unstable, than when she was drugged up and lethargic.
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