Post funny stories from when you were a baby
 

Ill get started, some of these are my own, some are from another forum

i used to constantly ask my mom what happens if a women doesnt know if shes having a baby and has it in the toliet

i told my sisters friend she had big boobs

i thought i would put my dog in a basket with a couple of balloons attached to it and throw it off the balcony but my sister stopped me right before

and then there was this one time i got mad at my dad because he wouldn't let me carry his rifle.. so i took it when he wasn't looking and shot my cousin in the arm.. i was also 3 at the time..

i used to run around the house with a batman cape and mask and knock stuff off shelves and wall units lol
after watching dick tracy i got a watergun and soaked my dad while he was a sleep.. got the **** kicked out of me
I used to try and eat the place mats on the table because i thought they were just huge giant biscuits

One day my mom accidently pushed the tv off a shelf or something and it fell and she said the **** (f word) really loud,

the next day we went to McDonalds and she asked what I wanted and I responded "I want some ****ing frenchfries mommy" and my mom was actually proud of me cause I turned just the F word into a verb by adding "ing" to it, the girl at the cash looked at me in shock

Tried to see if my rabbit could swim, couldnt :<, so my dad had to get it from the bottom of the fishpond

Me and my cousin were playing "soldiers" and make a fire... well we almost burned down a complete nature protectorate, luckily a man came along and called the fire fighters fast enough.

bump cause ambush interviews are flooding the front page

haha, really funny stories here. mine, well that was when i shit at my pants inside the classroom. my whole classmates laughed at me. i was so red that time. i didn't know what to do. it was my teacher that assisted me.

i chased my sister with a hammer
i wanted to be like spiderman and got a nice bleeding wound

Yeah, those are really funny...
Actually is my mom who told me this... When I was 1 year old, I always ate anything, even its hard or liquid... and cries when someone try to get what I ate... that's the reason I usually have a big stomach during that time...

I sucked in a pussy willow bud when I was 11 months old and almost died. Can you imagine... death by pussy? :1orglaugh

bump for the night

I was eating a bag of Cheetos the other day, when I noticed the claim that they are "dangerously cheesy." I chewed carefully, trying to figure out exactly what was so dangerous about the cheese flavor. I don't know if you've ever tried a 2002 French-aged Roquefort, but that's some dangerous cheese flavor. That cheese tastes like it was ripened in the asscrack of a mule.

I made the following prank call to Frito-Lay to try to clarify what they meant.

FRITO-LAY: Thank you for calling Frito-Lay, this is Alice. How may I help you?

JOHN HARGRAVE: Hi. I was eating a bag of your Puffed Cheetos the other day, and I noticed that you say they are "dangerously cheesy."

FL: Uh-huh.

JH: I have a six-year-old daughter, and I'm worried about her eating something dangerous.

FL: [Chuckle] That's, uh, that's an advertisement. Our marketing department thought it was catchy. Cheetos are not threatening, or dangerous, at all.

JH: Do they contain shards of glass?

FL: No. By "dangerously cheesy," we just mean they are very cheesy.

JH: Do Cheetos cause cancer?

FL: No. Rest assured, you have nothing to worry about.

JH: Will they explode in your mouth?

FL: No.

JH: So they don't explode with cheesy flavor?

FL: [Pause] Is there anything else I can help you with today?

JH: It's just that "dangerous" is such a dangerous-sounding word.

FL: Sir, it's just an advertisement.

JH: So you're advertising that your product is dangerous?

FL: No, no. If it was dangerous, the FDA wouldn't allow us to keep the product on the market. We follow all FDA regulations.

JH: Okay. You're absolutely sure your Cheetos are safe to eat?

FL: Yes sir.

JH: Even if my daughter is extremely allergic to cheese?

FL: OK, then, yeah. I wouldn't recommend you give her that product.

JH: One bite and she goes into anaphylactic shock. Do you know what that is?

FL: No. What is that?

JH: She can die in three hours if we don't get her to a hospital.

FL: OK, well this is a cheese product, ma'am. I recommend you don't give her that.

JH: So they are dangerous?

FL: They're not dangerous. [Flustered] They're not dangerous. If she's allergic to cheese, she could get sick from that. But they're not dangerous.

JH: I really wish you'd make up your mind. Your packaging says it's dangerous, then you tell me it's not, then you tell me it is.

FL: I never said it was dangerous. You're misleading the conversation. You just shouldn't give it to her if she's allergic to cheese. We have patients that are allergic to gluten. They shouldn't eat any of our products that contain gluten.

JH: It just seems like there's a little confusion over there at Frito-Lay on whether it's dangerous or not.

FL: No, it's not a dangerous product. If it was dangerous, it wouldn't be sold to consumers.

JH: Well, I would also think it wouldn't say the word "dangerous" on the front.

FL: It's, it's ... it's all advertisement. It's just another way of saying they're extremely cheesy.

JH: You wouldn't say "fatally cheesy." Because people might think that you'd die.

FL: Okay, I'll pass all this along to our marketing department.

JH: I'd appreciate that. I mean, why not just call them "deadly cheesy"?

FL: Sir, I understand this is a problem FOR YOU. I will be sure to pass your comments along.

JH: "Asphyxiatingly cheesy"?

FL: There's nothing I can do on my end as far as you feeling that way. But I'll be sure to document this call. Thank you for calling Frito-Lay!

JH: Hang on Alice. One second. I've got another call coming in. Can you hang on?

FL: Okay.

[I put down the phone for approximately two minutes, and Alice patiently waits]

JH: I'm sorry, that was the doctor on the other line. It was the allergist. We just got my daughter's allergy tests back, and good news. She's not allergic to cheese after all.

FL: Okay. Well then, it's up to you whether you want to give the product to her or not.

JH: Great, so they're not dangerous?

FL: No.

JH: He said she was allergic to something called gluten?

FL: OK. [At the end of her rope] OK. All right, well, you may not want to give this product to her then.

JH: You're really flip-flopping on me here, Alice.

FL: I'll be sure to pass your comments along. Thank you for calling Frito-Lay, and you have a good day. [Hangs up on me]


You have to admit, it's a pretty cheesy ad slogan. I guess in that sense, the product really is dangerously cheesy.

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh

lol that one is funny indeed.

nice one..funny LOL

When I was five my mother and I were in a department store and I told my mother I had to go the to bathroom. She told me to wait - and I couldn't. According to my mother I walked out her sight, dropped my pants, and took a crap right there with everyone watching!

This will sound awful, but here goes: Growing up in the south, especially in a small town, predjudice still runs wild. When I was about 2 years old, my mother and I were christmas shopping and I happened to see some old fashioned cream drops. (Big, chocolate covered super-sweet vanilla cream stuff, yum!)

Cream drops here are often called "n*gger toes." So here I am, innocent lil 2 year old, seeing candy I like, and I shouted,"I want some n*gger toes!"

The nice black lady next to my mom's cart just turned around and grinned, handing me a package of the candy while my mother turned 8 shades of crimson.

(Glad I never learned a difference in skin color. Some people are just darker than others, no big deal, but my mother has been telling that anecdote for as long as I can remember.)

And that is different from today how? :1orglaugh

um..shooting somone is funny? How is his arm now?

Anyway...I watched Winnie The Pooh - grabbed my umbrella and started walking up and down the sidewalk saying 'Tut, Tut, I think its going to rain'.. Then I sat in the umbrella with my Piglet doll and tried to float away like they did...bye bye umbrella.

When my sister was being born ( I was two) my Nana was staying with me whilst my parents were at the hospital. I locked my Nana outside in the back yard and wouldn't let her in. She had to wait for the neighbor's to come home from work and talk me in to un doing the lock on the slidding door.