Loving someone isn't hard.
 

Loving someone isn't hard - it's actually FEELING loved back that's hard to find.

Love is a wasted emotion...love stinks

You can find someone to love you in your area @ AFF.

bahhh - been in love - will be in love again. EVERY time it's different - and that's the special part about it - I can't ever love two people in the same way. Even the feelings themselves are different with different people - even though both can be consuming.

Very true, finding bidirectional true love is very hard to find. Its easy for one person to fall for someone, to get the same feeling back is hard.
WG

I agree. Love i a need-emotion. Only someone that (thinks) she depends on you can give you the sincere feeling of love.

no kidding - been on BOTH sides of that - sucks either way

oooh, touchy feely

It all starts as lust..people confuse the 2.after some time it becomes stagnant and boring and just becomes repetitive..it is rare if someone finds their soul mate

Consider yourself lucky, I've never had both sides yet so I wouldn't really know what its like. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger :)
WG

totally disagree.

I don't want a depend on relationship.

I won't start any relationship with someone leaning on me or with me leaning on someone. those are doomed. You can't hold someone up forever. Also then you're not in a relationship with an equal.

i believe any good realtionship has to start with BOTH people standing on their own - not saying you won't have to lean on your partner during your time together - just saying you CANN"T start like that.

I couldn't take it any longer
Lord I was crazed
And when the feeling came upon me
Like a tidal wave
I started swearing to my god and on my mother's grave
That I would love you to the end of time
I swore that I would love you to the end of time!


So now I'm praying for the end of time
To hurry up and arrive
Cause if I gotta spend another minute with you
I don't think that I can really survive
I'll never break my promise or forget my vow
But God only knows what I can do right now
I'm praying for the end of time
It's all that I can do
Praying for the end of time, so I can end my time with you!!!

Loving someone is sometimes hard... pushes us to the limits of what we're capable of and it shows us who we are...but its rewarding if we can just stick it out and not get caught up in all the stuff that really are the issues like vulnerability, anger, fear, hurt, ego, expectations, trust.

lust def fades but I beleive if you're with someone you like - as a person, lust can be kept going - might take a little work but in the end I honestly think i want to find someone to love that I ACTUALLY like. that might SOUND simple and stupid but it's actually a HUGE thing.

when looking at a partner you HAVE to take time and look PAST the lust if you want something seriously long term.

I mean she THINKS/KNOWS you can give her something no other person in this world can give her. When that state of mind is there she can truly make you feel loved.

Wasnt talking about an unassertive bitch that needs your money ;)

money - attention - time - caring

is there a difference?

I didn't leave my wife on a money issue.

Ive found falling in love is easy and automatic. Most people dont go further than that and shit hits the fan when that auto-part of thje relationship starts fading.

If you want lust and love going that requires WORK. Just like it costs work to maintain your sites. Daily maintenance and fixing issues and keeping an eye on development of things.

You must like someone as a person and share certain interests and emotion to find the motivation to keep making this effort on a daily base.

What you get in return might just be the biggest reward possible tho.

Not my point, but thats ok.. my contributions are useless anyway :winkwink:

You left your wife because she didnt NEED your love anymore.

And I taught i was doign enough... Damn do i have to play catch again :helpme

intersting topics to discuss.....

myself - i think it comes down to knowing you can't change someone else. The only person I believe I can change is myself.


Lars (God) gave me some advise over year ago that I cherish in trying to understand relationships. He said - ( and i'm quoting the thought, not his exact words but I hope i got the jist of it) "don't look at what you can change in someone - look for someone you don't have to change."

that's not saying you can't grow with someone though :winkwink:

i'm off to 7-11 - we're out of lube baby :thumbsup

back in a few mins

Thank god he created dogs.

i left my wife cause i realized I had wanted her to change into something she wasn't from day one and it was unrealistic for me to demand someone else chaneg into something they weren't and coulnd't be. That was a HUGE and hard realization to come to - believe me.

Jokes aside... TOUCHE!

:thumbsup

No relationship can last with such pressure. It's got to start threw friendship, laughs and get to grow with each other and notn on each other

ok, i 'm on the same page here bro.

for me it was a VERY hard to admit that I needed to feel loved back - that i needed to feel my partner actually did try at the little things for me. I tend to give out a lot and have a hard time receiving so you block that out - but over time you have to feel you're getting SOMETHING back - and without that you have this big empty hole in you.

Looking back: was your marriage a mistake? Or something you should have handled differently / step away from sooner?

It's called one sided love... You love him/her... and now he/she don't...
Yeah, its really difficult to find someone that feels you, like the way you do... I guess only time can tell...

amen :thumbsup

I don't believe that to be true love - that's a crush - and distinguishing a crush from love takes maturity and the ability to have some controll over the emotions in your brain that get clogged by the things that happen to you biologically in your brain during a crush.

I'm HUGLY suspectable to crushs - and I try HARD to wait out the initial overpowering emotions of them now that I'm older cause they CLOUD proper judgement on things.

Following your heart might sound romantic - but my heart's been a fucking moron in the past. My brain's GOTA have something to do with it now

This is one interesting topic. WEll, it's really quite easy to love and fall for someone but having that someone return the love you hvae is never easy to do, especially if the person already loves someone else. Love makes you experience many different emotions that you sometimes cannot fathom. That's the beauty of it, you love, you fall, you learn, and you keep on loving.

Whores all of them..shakes fist in air..they know their pussies are lined with gold and were born to manipulate men

i don't regret my marriage. I learned a lot. I grew from it. I cared about my ex-wife the whole time i was with her and felt VERY selfish leaving but it came to a point where my options were leave or put a gun to my head and pull the trigger. No joke.

that's a sad way to look at it - i feel sorry for you and hope someday you see past that line of thought

i'm not big into compitation to be honest when it's someone I like and my heart might be at stake. Lust - another story. ;) I know how to sweep a woman off her feet - ask any that have dated me. If someone plays me against another guy and it's someone who I might have an emotional connection with my usual answer is - take the other person. there's THOUSANDS of other fish in the sea. My hearts WAY too fragil to play that game. - lust - another story all together. I've always kinda seperated the two though in my head somehow - lust and love. :thumbsup

very well said. But let's use the analogy of having a site. What if you loved the site when you first built it but found out it has some bugs and needs to be tweaked but the site didn't want to be tweaked, and you felt it would perform better if it was.

Then what do you do?

i this kind of thinking belongs to bitter people.

anyway, i love the feeling of being in love.. i don't mind the pain.. pain is what makes you human. ;)

you slowly tweek the site and see how it responds.

in this game as in love it's grow or die.

if YOU have to grow it and the site just won't tweek it's time to sell the site and move on.

but there's the crunch - if YOU

comming to terms with knowing YOU need something yourself was HUGE for me to admit to myself. I tend to perfer giving then receiving and admiting I absolutly NEED something.

Half of the people who think "I am in love" aren't even sure what it means ...

They stay together because they don't wanna be alone facing the everyday boringness of life.

admitting i NEEDED something from the relationship - something that wasn't negotable - that i just needed it - that was hard.

and it took me a LONG time to admit i had the right to actually WANT something.

the thing i think i wanted MOST was growth. my ex wife was almost exactly the same person i married - and i married someone that i thought would grow and change with me. she didn't - and i had to accept that and then decide if i could accept that in the relationship or if i HAD to MOVE ON for me. And admitting i had to do that for me was HUGE for me to do.

Then came replacement - and that's a huge thing.
It's HARD - VERY HARD comming out of something to distinguish something new as genuine versus what might be just 'escape' or replacement or displacement of feelings that really have to be processed HEAD ON - and that's HARD to do.

Like i said: a relationship requires work. That doesnt mean im the only person responsible for the work. Both sides have to work on it.

In your example i want to work on the site to move it in a certain direction but the site says "no".

A. the site is not doing his share of the work (why? no motivation.. ive grown apart from it?)
B. The site wants to work but its not in line with what i have on my mind..

How can that happen? Lack of COMMUNICATION. Death cause numer 1 for relationships.

discussing something too doesn't mean the idea is transmitted.

in my case i discussed the problem multiple times - she always said yes yes yes and agreed with me but never DID anything about it.

there comes a point where yup yuping doesn't cut it anymore. You can't make that decision overnight - it takes a long time to determine that. But once you KNOW that you're not growing in the same direction as your partner - you KNOW - you TRULY KNOW - and not an overnight decision but something that takes months - then you HAVE to do something about it or you're just hurting the BOTH of you.

Very true.

Theres a BIG difference between talking to someone and communication.

Communication goes both ways.. sincere.

Like you said.. when that stops and all you can do is talk and get an ACK
from the other person with 0 changes thers not much you can do.

Youve gone beyond the point of no return and its game over.

I still believe when that happens in a relationship (a relationship that once worked) youre always 60% responsible.

yeah, i would really agree that loving someone is not that hard. love should always be a two way. :upsidedow

Loving someone isn't hard - it's actually FEELING loved back that's hard to find.

I would have to agree because the joy of love comes not from what you can get, but from what you can give.

i agree it's about what you can give - admiting you actually NEED something - that's HARD for me.

i agree - the only person i blame is myself - and i've dealth with a LOT of guilt because of that since i left.

i feel like it's my failure not getting her to change but i also don't feel i have the right to ask someone to change even though i did ask and it didn't happen. closure comes only with accepting that i have to accept that in the end i was greedy about my own needs and felt i had a right to my needs.

that and knowing i couldn't bring a child into the world with someone who's views on major issues were as different from mine as hers were.

something that came to me when i decided to leave was i asked myself - does my wife love me - who I am - what I strive for - what makes me tick? ME! Or does she love what I do for her? emotionally, economically, physically.

i realized without a doubt it was the latter. and that hurt - and it hurt wanting it to be the former and i felt gulity about wanting her to love me for me - but i KNEW - though and though I KNEW - she loved what i did for her and didn't love me for me. She didn't even know who the REAL me was.

She didn't love me for my money - met her when i was dirt poor - married POOR - but i always bent over backwards for her. And she LOVED that.

i think if i knew she loved me for me I could have put up with a lot more - but that - in the end - KNOWING she loved me for what i did for her and she didn't love me for ME - that ended it for me.

I totally agree.

Is it possible to love 'me' for 'me'? Isnt there ALWAYS a reason?
(like in your case.. you always bending backwards?).

You make it sounds like it should be unconditional.. i agree.. but looking
human nature i dont think thats possible. .or is it?