Need some opinions or recommendations - Womens advice would be best here
 

O.K. Long story made short I ended up with a girl that was great in the sac a few years back. We had wild, insatiable, incredible sex to the degree I may never have it again. Anyways, of course.. She ends up pregnant and I always swore I would never allow anyone I got pregnant to have an abortion. She said the only way she would have the kid is if it was with me and we were together, I agreed..

I went through drug problems, we had arguments, DCFS got called in when she swiped at me with a knife one night when I was drunk.. It got ugly, real ugly. I cleaned myself up off the drugs and things stabilized. At this point we are talking Early 2004. Still drank, etc.. but no more of the stuff that could get you a felony for mere possesion.

Anyways, in that time we were having sex literally every month to two months.. I went a four month stint without getting laid - It has been horrible. We ended up finding out right around christmas that she had an Ovarian Cyst which is what was causing the pain she talked about having every time we had sex.

6 weeks after the operation she was good to go again, we had sex and she said it didnt hurt as bad.. I could tell she wasn't the same person still though sexually speaking, and as far as emotionally we get along but there is no real love there.. Definately not the right person to spend the rest of my life with.

I have a beautiful daughter that turns 2 in late August and I know I need to quit procastinating the inevitable and end the relationship, give her time to get things situated and move out. Problem is alot of the reasons we stayed together were financial ones.. Mainly I paid all my bills and with her job she made enought to pay child care, care and insurnace payments, and have spending money for herself. I figure i move out, and after realtors fees cashout the $25K in equity, put it in a low yield CD so I can't touch it for 5 years whil I rebuild my life... Pay her the child support I have to, and get taxes back in order. Here is my biggest problem though ...

She is not all there, she thinks with us living together and sleeping with eachother every 2 months on average it is still a good relationship, lol... I can't believe I stayed in it this long to be honest !! She tells me numerous things, she will give our daughter to her mom who lives an hour and a half away and make it as difficult as possible for me to get visitation rights.. moving all court dates etc two counties away. The other thing she has said she would do is move out of state and I would never see my daughter again.

I know most of you are quick to say she'll be fine let it go - But she really is crazy and goes off the deep end when things get tough in life. She is not mentally stable. I don't have a chance in hell of getting even dual custody as it can be shown through medical records I have past drug and alchohol abuse issues - I am not even sure if the state will let me have her every other weekend and once a week type of arrangement with normal parental rights.

I don't think men will know how to answer this too well - most of you will jsut say fuck the bitch.. But any ladies out there who could take the time to let me know the best way I can handle the situation, It would be appreciated. I told her tonight I want to talk to her about something tomorrow, she knows it is serious, and pretty sure she knows what is coming. She slammed her door when she went upstairs so the fun has begun..

I know it doesnt look like it, but this is the short version :)

I am not sure I am the one to give advices - only opinions.

Kids are best gifts in life and you should never give up seeing your daughter, no matter how difficult it would be. However, the child always loves both parents and it will do her no good seeing mother and father arguing or saiyng horible things about each other.
What I want to say is-if you are not happy living like you are now, you shoul do something about it, since unhappy people are not good parents at all.

just a piece of advice.

if you have to settle this on court..for sure you will be out for the child's custody because of your past but we are talking about now.

I'm sure if you talk to her about it heart to heart and calmly, she will listen to you..just avoid shouting and arguing so she understands what you want to happen.
It's better if you guys will have an equal rights.
If this doesn't work, then ask for a legal advice or consult your lawyer on what to do best.

While I agree that this is the best thing to do, it doesn't always work. I've been trying to have that kind of talk with my mother for several years. I stay calm, refuse to raise my voice, but every time I say something she doesn't like, she goes nuts, starts shouting, insulting me and whatnot. Some people just can't take a "normal" conversation. It's worth a try, though.

Get your evidence together while you're still with her.. you'll need it when you sue for custody, one thing courts don't look kindly on is a mother trying to keep a child away from his father for no good reason.

When you do talk to her, do not loose your temper no matter what she does, keep trying to talk to her, and stand your ground. This is in her best interest too.. point that out to her

The best advice I can give you is that

It's a really very fucked up if you decide to leave and let the mother take care of the child, looking at the situation from a childs perspective it's the worst feeling that any child will have to face being raised without a father being around....YOUR BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER will HATE you for that(THIS IS SERIOUS MAN)

Your'll have a child,its the most precious gift that any person can get,whatever feelings you had for the mother try to take a trip down memory lane to recreate the love you had for her....I said LOVE not SEX.
Men like ourselves tend to clog our minds with LOVE=SEX but it isnt. I understand that you have abstained for 4 months but the fact is that women need to be treated like Princesses, they need to be told that they look absolutely gorgeous, they need to feel as if they are loved.

Most of the time "US" men dont ever really listen to what women want, Guy they are way different to how we feel, react, think. Listen to her, be gentle,kind, take her out on a date,be romantic, flowers, chocolate, candy and anything that she loves and you will see by the way she smiles or laughs when you do all those things that slowly but surely you will fall in love will her,and I am sure beyond any reasonable doubt that she will change coz she will see a change in you.

I hope this message gets in time to you before you say and do anything irrattional

Agent, I got your e-mail - In fact it's what I woke up to today as part of my morning e-mail reading. Sorry to say, I couldn't go with your advice.. I have tried for two years nearly now to settle things with her and rebuild our relationship it just hasn't worked. And no LOVE=SEX/SEX=LOVE is not necessarily true but it sure as hell doesn't help when the woman you are with manipulates you with sex when she realizes she can. It clouds her judgement and ability to handle day to day situations that arise in relationships as well.

I spoke with her last night about 9:00 CST, she was upset of course.. But wasn't irrational, yet. She repeatedly stated how she "Wasn't going to do this" and I kept reminding her that she did not even love me any more, with no response from her (not suprisingly). I never said I didn't love her any more since I wasn't doing this to hurt her I was doing it to make (eventually) all 3 of our lives better in the long term.

She said very very very little. I covered every base from making sure she will get a place that lets her have pets (she loves her dog) to acknowledging the fact that I will pay child support willingly and will do as much as I can to help raise our daughter and take the stress off of her. I am sure it will get ugly tonight, but who knows... Maybe she actually was ready for it this time. She cried but tried to keep it down, and held her guard up rather well.. She didn't really cry till she left the room. She has always been goog at hiding emotions though...

If she goes apeshit or something, then I have to worry.. Remember she has already swiped at me with a damn knife before, she literally is one crazy bitch if you touch the wrong button even slighty.