If Ben Franklin had been:
 

A Valley girl he might have said:

A countryman between two lawyers is like totally like a fish between two cats.


and

A life of leisure and a life of laziness are like two things. There will like, be sleeping enough in the grave.

A computer:

1101
11011000001 11010001101111111010111100111100101 11010011110011 110111011011111110100 1100001 1101000110111111011011100101 111010111011101101100110010111100111110011 11010011110100 11000111101111110111011101001100001110100111011101 110011 1100110110111111011111100100 110000111011101100100 1100110110100111100101100101 110011011011111110010 111010011010001100101 1101101110100111011101100100 11000011110011 1110111110010111011001101100 11000011110011 111010011010001100101 11000101101111110010011110011011101101

Papa Smurf:

A smurfy saved is a smurfy earned.

1337:

hahaha258;11 hahaha293;hahaha371;Mhahaha261;Ñ §hahaha299;hahaha357;hahaha371;hahaha261;hahaha357 ;hahaha299;ðѧ hahaha293;hahaha261;Vhahaha277; hahaha357;hahaha293;hahaha277;hahaha299;hahaha343; hahaha299;ÑçðÑVhahaha277;Ñhahaha299;hahaha277;Ñçha haha277;§. hahaha372;hahaha277; ?hahaha277;hahaha277;1 hahaha357;hahaha293;ð§hahaha277; ð? hahaha357;hahaha293;hahaha277; þhahaha343;hahaha277;§hahaha277;Ñhahaha357; bhahaha371;hahaha357; Ñhahaha277;hahaha299;hahaha357;hahaha293;hahaha277 ;hahaha343; §hahaha277;hahaha277; Ñðhahaha343; ?hahaha277;hahaha277;1 hahaha357;hahaha293;ð§hahaha277; ð? hahaha357;hahaha293;hahaha277; ?hahaha371;hahaha357;hahaha371;hahaha343;hahaha277 ;; hahaha261;Ñhahaha271; hahaha293;hahaha277;Ñçhahaha277; hahaha373;hahaha277; ð?hahaha357;hahaha277;Ñ Mhahaha261;hahaha310;hahaha277; hahaha357;hahaha343;ðhahaha371;b1hahaha277;§ðMhaha ha277; çhahaha293;hahaha261;Ñhahaha291;hahaha277;§ hahaha373;hahaha299;hahaha357;hahaha293;ðhahaha371 ;hahaha357; hahaha261;Mhahaha277;Ñhahaha271;Mhahaha277;Ñhahaha 357;, hahaha261;Ñhahaha271; ?hahaha343;hahaha277;Qhahaha371;hahaha277;Ñhahaha3 57;1hahaha375; ?ðhahaha343; hahaha357;hahaha293;hahaha277; hahaha373;ðhahaha343;§hahaha277;.

From Alabama:

Ambition gots its disappointments to sour us, but neva duh fine fortune to satisfy us. Its appetite grows keena by indulgence an' all we can gratify it wif at present serves but duh mo' to inflame its insatiable desires.

Let's try 1337 again:

All human 51tuat10nz hav3 th31r 1nc0nv3n13nc35. W3 ph33l th053 uv ht3 pr353nt but n31th3r 533 n0r ph33l th053 uv ht3 phutur3; and h3nc3 w3 0pht3n mak3 tr0ubl350m3 chang3z w1th0ut am3ndm3nt, and phr3qu3ntly ph0r ht3 w0r53.

Bostonian:

And where is the Prince who can afford ta so covah his country wit troops for its defense, as that ten thousand men descendin' from the clouds, might not in many places do an infinite deal of mischief, before a force could be brought togethah ta repel 'em?

A cryptographer:

Yrg ab cyrnfher grzcg gurr, ab cebsvg nyyher gurr, ab crefhnfvba zbir gurr, gb qb nalguvat juvpu gubh xabjrfg gb or rivy; fb funyg gubh nyjnlf yvir wbyyvgl; sbe n tbbq pbafpvrapr vf n pbagvahny Puevfgznf.

Yoda:

Living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy, beer is