How to shower...
 

How to Shower Like a Woman


Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc. Get in the shower.

Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and
pumice stone. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.

Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair. Shave armpits and legs.

Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.



How to Shower Like a Man


Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound. Look at your manly physique in the mirror.

Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your ass. Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.

Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap. Wash your hair.

Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Pee. Rinse off and get out of shower. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time. Admire wiener size in mirror again.

Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on. Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again. Throw wet towel on bed.

If there is anyone among you who did not laugh at the truth behind this, there is something so very wrong with you. :1orglaugh

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh

I am now scared that someone has been syping on me inside my home :1orglaugh

that's not how i shower.
here's my shower routine.
i walk naked to the shower with panties, bra and socks in my hand.
i brush my teeth, brush my hair and start the shower.
i get in, wet my hair, shave my pits, shampoo, rinse, conditioner in my hair, put my hair up with a claw, put glycolic acid wash on my face, wash my body with my shower cream, shave my legs, rinse my body, rinse my face, use my special cream for my "special parts", rinse that, rinse my hair.
THEN...i put my hair back up with the claw. i then proceed to put kama sutra oil all over my body. i rinse the excess off and then i'm done. :) i get out, put my hair up in a towel, dry my body, sit down and moisturize my feet and put on my socks. i then put deoderant on, then my face moisturizer/sunscreen, then put my bra on and then comb thru my hair.
that's it. :)

is it just me... cause that little post just maybe me extremely horny :1orglaugh

woo woo

Hmmm...

Tala's Shower Routine
Wake up. Debate actually getting up. Fall back to sleep. Wake up again in about an hour with cat's nose less than an inch from mine, demanding breakfast. Gently drop cat onto floor, stand up, weave for a moment until your body wakes enough to get a grip on the fact that gravity works.

Follow cat to food dish. Feed cat. Debate going back to bed. Realize my shades are up and I'm naked. Haul ass back to bedroom. Grab clean undies, bra and socks, along with clean t-shirt. Hurry to bathroom.

Brush hair. Check for new zits. Brush teeth.

Start shower water so that the hot water has time to warm. Piddle while waiting. Get in shower, forgetting that when I flush the toilet, the cold water disappears. Scream in agony.

Wet hair, lather with some of my Lush soak -n- Float bar that smells like a campfire but ensures that I don't have dandruff. Rinse. Repeat.

Condition hair with Tresemme, since it's the only stuff I've found that works for my hair. Put hair on top of head with a clip.

Wash body with mango scented body wash. Rinse well. Shave pits, legs, and crotch. Make sure no hair exists anywhere except on my head. Rinse.

Get face cloth and rub black soap (Coal face...I'm a Lush fan), then scrub face well, remembering to get behind the ears. Hear something crash in the living room and hope that whatever it was isn't broken.

Take hair down, rinse well, and turn off water. Grab towel, dry the body, grab another towel and dry hair as best I can. Get dressed. Try brushing out wet hair, give up, and go find breakfast and coffee.

Post Good Morning thread, ignore cat who now wants in my lap, and then let the dogs out on their run lines. The day has begun.

Is that your "everyday" shower?

that is not how i shower. I wet my hair and wash with Redken All Soft shampoo only ONCE, twice is not necessary unless u like drying out your hair. Use Redken All Soft Conditioner concentrating on the ends only to preserve volume. Exfoliate my body and use Dove bodywash. Then shave eveywhere! The get out and dry myself. Apply lotion first all over my body, let that dry and then apply self-tanner on top of that and wait 10 min to let it dry. Do the same for my face except I use a different moisturizer for my face.

Then I have to put either Paul Mitchell Skinny Serum or Tigi Superstar in my hair so I can blow dry it. I have long hair and it is layered so it takes me around 40 min to blow dry it. I have to use a round metal ceramic/ionic brush plus an ionic hair dryer and I curl the ends when I blow dry it. I also have to separate it in sections when i dry and work the bottom layers first. When hair is completely dry i put it Sebastian molding mud and work the ends to make them "piecy". Then I have to do my makeup.

Put on studio fix, draw on eybrows with a slanted Mac brush, do elaborate "smoky eyes" using all my mac eyeshadows and brushes. Also put bronzer on my face, and blush on top of that, lots of lip gloss... And apply high lighter on my cheekbones and in the inner corner of my eyes so i can look "luminescent" and glowy... Heat up mu Shiseido eyelash curler with my dryer so it can be hot when i curl my lashes and hold the curl better.

And then figure out what to wear. This is my routine whenever i leave the house. Also i NEVER clean the shower, I am a slob!

shower? But saturdays not till tomorrow...

was it the oil part? :)

lol yes it is.

and the difference is.?.?.?.? :1orglaugh

notice how no guys are offering a different routine. lol The part about shaking the weiner for the wife and going woo-woo had me spary out the water I was drinking... I thought I was the only one that did that. ahahaha

Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.

Make a Shampoo Mohawk.

Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on. Return to bedroom with towel around waist.


so true haha

My boyfriend doesn't post here, but he likes to take baths instead of showers. And he is very anal about his soap, he refuses to use soap with artifical ingredients so he buys all his soap from this store called The Vitamin Shoppe, and he uses stuff like Tea Tree soap and Vitamin E Soap and soaks in it. Plus he flosses too... Plus blow drys his hair...

hehehe, not too sure if he's gonna be happy we all know he takes baths like a girl. lol, j/k.

lol funny

lol i oil lol

I forgot the body spray. I usually use VS body lotion and matching spray but I have to be careful not to spray on my fake tan or I will look fucked up :helpme

I don't tan my whole body, just my face and legs because I am so pale...

I also don't cover my body when done if there's someone there or wear a gown... lol I like to walk around naked so my self-tanner can dry perfectly...

thats funny

That was so fucking funny and so true.... :):)

If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.

LMFAO

heh I remember reading that a while back.

Good ol' oldie

Hmmm, so guys aren't suposed to floss?