What lies were you told when you were a kid?
 

What kind of shit did your parents, teachers, whoever spew at you when you were growing up?


"Don't do that with your face, it will get stuck like that."
Huh? Look at me damn it! If you were concerned with my looks then why did you breed in the first place?

"Don't eat that, it will spoil your dinner."
BULLSHIT! I've got a healthy appetite...Just look at me.

"You have to get good grades because they will follow you the rest of your life."
As I look over my shoulder, I don't see anybody standing behind me holding my report cards from 5th grade.

"Santa brings coal to the bad kids."
WTF? I was a pain in the ass as a child. More so than I am today. I never got any coal and now, I feel left out. :321GFY

"I'm grounding you for your own good.:
Gee, thank you. I didn't realise how being so pissed off at you would pay off so well in the end.

"There is no monster living in your closet."
Fuck you, he's still in there and now I'm alone and he's really pissed.

"This spanking is gonna hurt me more than it hurts you."
Then how come my ass was redder than your hand ever was?



Lies I tell you....All lies.

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh I can tell you from experience, the spanking did hurt me more :Oh crap

in regards to strange and nasty looking food, "Try this you'll like it."

that wasn't a banana.....

YARGH! "Chio, you can't be a pirate when you grow up..."

"You're friend Theo isn't fruity, he's just different"

I was told that my brother was not conceived but scraped of a wall-
ai think he still believes that.

That it was illegal to have your windows down on the Interstate.


My dad just hated the noise or something; fuck it worked for a while haha.

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh

My mom told me I could do anything if I tried hard enough. I never did make quarterback... fucking bitch.

Have you considered being a stand up comedian? :glugglug

Yes. Until I realized I'd probably be a better sit-down comedian.

ummm. Nothing comes to mind. Except for realizing i should have listened to them a lot more then I have and shouldnt have given them so much shit, .......and when I have a son one day, the karmatic payback will indeed be hell.

It would fall of if I kept playing with it.

LOL @ Sly

All of the above. :1orglaugh

I believed for years that you'd catch a cold by being out in the cold too long.

should have tried to break the long jump record :winkwink:

eat your vegetables and your cock will grow big and strong

when I burned all the flesh off my hand.... and my old man told me to shove it in a tub of butter. "Quick, it''s the only thing that works!"


yeah... if you wanna finish barbequing your hand.

My mommy said I was cute.... damn liar.

:1orglaugh

Ouch...That beats them all so far. :1orglaugh

First that comes 2 mind is a coach told me 2 get up your not hurt. :1orglaugh

And I know this because my 2 buddies told me so, I was knock out and woke up in the hospital.

I shouldn't have replied, I have a tendancy for killing threads :(

God is real

They still try to tell me that shit.

Masterbating will make you go blind!

Bu at I cn see finse

all dogs go to heaven. no, all dogs go up in smoke ;(

Father Christmas is real lol

The only reason you are here is because you came with the house.

"babys came out of the volva which is under a womans armpit"

that my parrots changed colors :(

"Marijuana can kill you."
"it's not your fault we divorced."
"We don't have a favorite child."
"Finishing school is the most important thing you can ever do."
"The cat ran away."
"it's a massager."
"girls DO NOT have cooties."

When I was pretty young, I was helping my Dad bring in firewood (We had a nice, big, wood burning stove) and it was hard work. We had a big box that we filled up whenever it ran low.

Anyhow, after working and freezing my ass off, my Dad gave me two quarters. He looked at me and said 'That's the easiest 50 cents you're ever going to earn.'. I was thinking like, Fuck. This is gonna suck!

:Oh crap

that santa was the one who puts in the gift in the socks :)

I was also told that there was a lot of money to made in the online biz..
:-))

Masturbation = Institutionable Madness


j-

I had an uncle who had a stub for a finger. Some type of work related accident I guess. He told me picked his nose and the bugger monster ate his finger!

I never picked my nose!!

"you can be anything you want to be if you set your mind to it"

Crime doesn't pay.

I was told AaronM was my daddy. I found out years later he was only the next in line. :helpme

I was raised Catholic. Enough said.

I would have been first in line but I forgot my wallet and had to go back home to grab some cash.

You mean all this time it wasn't a lie ? :Oh crap

Correct.

Let this be a lesson to all to carry change for the phone. It may come in handy.

Stop beating off..you'll go blind

Stop beating off you'll grow hair on the palm of your hands.

I see you didn't stop.

If I swallow seeds from fruits, they will grow inside my stomach. :Oh crap

Back when I was in school the teachers would always scare me by telling me that if I keep misbehaving that they would put it on my permanent record.