This is too funny!
If Men Wrote for Cosmopolitan Magazine...
Q: My husband wants a threesome with my best friend and me.
A: Obviously your husband cannot get enough of you! Knowing that there is
only one of you he can only settle for the next best thing, your best
friend. Far from being an issue, this can bring you closer together. Why
not get some of your old college roommates involved too? If you are still
apprehensive, maybe you should let him be with your friends without you. If
you're still not sure then just perform oral sex on him and cook him a nice
meal while you think about it.
Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him.
A: Do it. Semen can help you lose weight and gives a great glow to your
skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to allow you to perform oral
sex on him is totally selfless. This shows he loves you. The best thing to
do is to thank him by performing it twice a day; then cook him a nice meal.
Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys.
A: This is perfectly natural behavior and it should be encouraged. The Man
is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. A night out
chasing young single girls is a great stress relief and can foster a more
peaceful and relaxing home. Remember, nothing can rekindle your
relationship better than the man being away for a day or two (it's a great
time to clean the house too)! Just look at how emotional and happy he is
when he returns to his stable home. The best thing to do when he gets home
is for you and your best friend to perform oral sex on him. Then cook him a
nice meal.
Q: My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is.
A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with
it, do it in your own time or ask your best friend to help. You may wish to
videotape yourself while doing this, and present it to your husband as a
birthday gift. To ease your selfish guilt, perform oral sex on him and cook
him a delicious meal.
Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.
A: You are a bad person for bringing it up and should seek sensitivity
training. Foreplay to a man is very stressful and time consuming. Sex
should be available to your husband on demand with no pesky requests for
foreplay. What this means is that you do not love your man as much as you
should; He should never have to work to get you in the mood. Stop being so
selfish! Perhaps you can make it up to him by performing oral sex on him
and cooking him a nice meal.
Q: My husband always has an orgasm then rolls over and goes to sleep
without giving me one.
A: I'm not sure I understand the problem. Perhaps you've forgotten to cook
him a nice meal and he's simply too exhausted to remain awake for very long
periods of time.
If Men Wrote for Cosmopolitan Magazine...
Q: My husband wants a threesome with my best friend and me.
A: Obviously your husband cannot get enough of you! Knowing that there is
only one of you he can only settle for the next best thing, your best
friend. Far from being an issue, this can bring you closer together. Why
not get some of your old college roommates involved too? If you are still
apprehensive, maybe you should let him be with your friends without you. If
you're still not sure then just perform oral sex on him and cook him a nice
meal while you think about it.
Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him.
A: Do it. Semen can help you lose weight and gives a great glow to your
skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to allow you to perform oral
sex on him is totally selfless. This shows he loves you. The best thing to
do is to thank him by performing it twice a day; then cook him a nice meal.
Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys.
A: This is perfectly natural behavior and it should be encouraged. The Man
is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. A night out
chasing young single girls is a great stress relief and can foster a more
peaceful and relaxing home. Remember, nothing can rekindle your
relationship better than the man being away for a day or two (it's a great
time to clean the house too)! Just look at how emotional and happy he is
when he returns to his stable home. The best thing to do when he gets home
is for you and your best friend to perform oral sex on him. Then cook him a
nice meal.
Q: My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is.
A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with
it, do it in your own time or ask your best friend to help. You may wish to
videotape yourself while doing this, and present it to your husband as a
birthday gift. To ease your selfish guilt, perform oral sex on him and cook
him a delicious meal.
Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.
A: You are a bad person for bringing it up and should seek sensitivity
training. Foreplay to a man is very stressful and time consuming. Sex
should be available to your husband on demand with no pesky requests for
foreplay. What this means is that you do not love your man as much as you
should; He should never have to work to get you in the mood. Stop being so
selfish! Perhaps you can make it up to him by performing oral sex on him
and cooking him a nice meal.
Q: My husband always has an orgasm then rolls over and goes to sleep
without giving me one.
A: I'm not sure I understand the problem. Perhaps you've forgotten to cook
him a nice meal and he's simply too exhausted to remain awake for very long
periods of time.
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