| sharpx9 |
01-06-2005 07:02 PM |
New from the USPS!
POST OFFICE TO ISSUE XXX STAMPS TO HONOR PORN STARS
By MARK TOMPKINS
According to U.S. post office insider Rodney Cockburn, the U.S. Postal Service will soon issue a series of stamps honoring legends of porn!
"It's a matter of economic survival," says Cockburn, 48. "Ever since people started using e-mail and sending packages through UPS and FedEx, our profits have been going steadily down the tubes. If the post office is going to stay in business, we need to generate some big money pronto, and unfortunately, stamps with scientists and jazz musicians just ain't cutting it."
The series, called "Pioneers of Porn," will commemorate two dozen adult-film actors and actresses from decades past, including John Holmes, Linda Lovelace, Marilyn Chambers, and Ron "The Hedgehog" Jeremy.
Each porn star will be depicted in a graphic pose from one of his or her movies.
As part of his marketing campaign, Cockburn, who confesses to having seen "only around three or four hundred" adult movies in his life, says he may hire contemporary porn stars to sign autographs at numerous post offices nationwide. "Live sex shows are another promotional tool we're exploring," he states.
:1orglaugh :thumbsup
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