Christmas jokes..
 

joke 1

On Christmas morning, a cop on horseback was sitting at a traffic light, and next to him was a kid on his shiny new bike.

The cop said to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"

The kid said, "Yeah."

The cop said, "Well, next year, tell Santa to put a taillight on that bike."

The cop then proceeded to issue the kid a $20 bicycle safety violation ticket.

The kid took the ticket.

Before he rode off he said, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"

Humoring the kid, the cop said, "Yeah, he sure did."

The kid said, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top."

joke 2

Top Ten Things That Sound Dirty at Xmas

1. Did you get any under the tree?
2. I think your balls are hanging too low.
3. Check out Rudolph's honker!
4. Santa's sack is really bulging.
5. Lift up the skirt so I can get a whiff.
6. Did you get a piece of the fruitcake?
7. I love licking the end till it's really sharp and pointy.
8. From here you can't tell if they're artificial or real.
9. Can I interest you in some dark meat?
10. To get it to stand up straight, try propping it against the wall.

joke 3

One day two boys were walking through the woods when they saw some rabbit shit. One of the boys said, ''What is that?''

''They're smart pills,'' said the other boy. ''Eat them and they'll make you smarter.

So he ate them and said, ''These taste like shit.''

''See,'' said the other boy, ''you're already getting smarter.''

joke 4

Two guys are golfing on a course that is right next to a cemetery. After they tee off, one of the golfers notices that there is a funeral procession passing by. So he takes off his hat, and places it over his heart. When the funeral is over, the other golfer looks at the guy and asks, ''Why did you do that?''

The man replies, ''Well we were maried for almost 40 years. It's the least I could do.''

joke 5

Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.

One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Ralph out.

When the Head Nurse became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Edna the news she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad news is, Ralph, the patient you saved, hung himself right after you saved him with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he's dead."

Edna replied "He didn't hang himself. I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?"

I know only 2 were actually christmas jokes, but it's the thought that counts :D

funny ha ha el oh el
el em aye oh.
thanks.

some good ones there :1orglaugh

the first one was great