Anyone here ever have hemmoroids? I think I might have them!
 

We all sit on our asses 90% of the day so I know someone has had to have had them before!

Something is just not right with my brown starfish and I think it may be a case of the roids. :(

Yep, I had them before.

Pain in the ass...

:1orglaugh

Yeah, about once a year. It sucks! If you have them for real, you will sure know it.

this thread is useless without pics

You read my mind.

this thread is perfect without pics

About 3 years ago one of my girlfriends calls me up and she's laughing so hard she can barely speak. She goes on to tell me that the night before her husband gets in bed and after a few minutes he tells her, "I have some really bad news and I've been debating on whether I should tell you or not." He then says that he thinks he may have cancer and that he's made an appointment with the doctor to be checked. She asks him where and he says, "in my butt." She flips out and is trying to figure out what's going on. Long story short, he finally lets her see it and it's a hemorrhoid. :1orglaugh A tree had fallen in their yard and he had chopped it up and moved it, and apparently the straining from that had caused it, but he didn't know what it was.

Naturally he swore her to secrecy about it, but of course she told me and a couple more of our other girlfriends. To this day it's one of those inside joke things that makes us laugh until we almost piss ourselves. We can be anywhere, doing anything, and one of us will suddenly say, "I think I have ass cancer" and we all lose it. :1orglaugh

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh

sounds like my " is there a golf ball hanging out my ass" story.

:thumbsup

This is no joking matter. It itches like crazy! I walk around everywhere looking like a weirdo because I got four fingers shoves into my crack!

What should I do about it? Preparation H?

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh oh man

Having hemmeroids is real shitty.

yes.. and tucks medicated pads might work too.

They say nice warm water helps ease the swelling too.

It says that I need to wash my ass with warm water after each time I take a dump. Take a note, folks. If you ever come to my place DON'T use the wash rag located next to the toilet.

If you've never read this before, read it:

http://www.zug.com/scrawl/analbob/


It's worth it. :1orglaugh

http://www.zug.com/scrawl/analbob/finger.jpg

here is what you do, i have done it for years

get a box of those baby wipes, you know the ones with the plastic box where they have a little hole and you pull them out of the top

also when you buy those buy a bottle of Witch Hazel....when you get home, pry the top of the baby wipes off and pour that whole bottle of witch hazel into the baby wipes container...

close the top and let them sit so the baby wipes soak up all the witch hazel

every time you go #2, end it off by wiping one of the baby wipes real good down there.

your roids will go away within 1 day

also, highonacid, check your sales@hookilight email, sent you something yesterday and haven't heard back

Guys, this is a perfect example of why women can not be trusted.

Nothing is sacred with them

more witch hazel cures

http://www.drugstore.com/qxp10433_33...itch_hazel.htm

witch hazel is the ONLY thing I have found that works 100%

then why do you need an entire box of wipes?

Awesome! I'm running to the store and getting some now!

I checked the quotes you sent, Jace. I'll shoot you over the prices as soon as I get a chance. :thumbsup

1) Stop using TP. Get baby wipes, it's more gentle and a heck of alot more clean.

2) Watch what you eat maybe even start taking a fiber supp like Metamucil or one of those.

3) If you spend alot of time on the bowl reading and such... don't.

4) When it gets real bad there is an over the counter med called Anusol that works extremely well.

5) It's gross but I've fucking had them since I was a child. I have no idea what I did to end up with 'em but it's become a point of much joking in the Mob Bucks family. =]

ever had hemmroids? they last FOREVER....i go through a box of those thing each month

http://www.zug.com/scrawl/analbob/date.jpg

Is it just me, or does she look like MTV's Daria?

keep in mind those prepackaged ones are just the exact same thing I mentioned above that you do yourself, but more expensive, and don't last long enough

You don't have to use a rag. You can get a squirt bottle and fill it with warm water before you sit down and then use that when you're done. Same thing they make women do when they have an episiotomy.

This is the weirdest conversation I've ever had on here, btw. And this is gfy.

So they really never go away? :(

not without surgery, and even then they won't do it unless they are big enough

the witch hazel thing will keep them in check
i have not been uncomfortable from them in years cause of the witch hazel

You can also get a roll of paper towels, cut them in half (around, not long ways), and pour the witch hazel over that. My friend is a chiropractor so she's in to all that natural shit and she won't buy the prepackaged baby wipes. She does the paper towel deal and mixes a little baby shampoo with some water and pours it over them. They look/feel just the same.

that's cool, yeah, i think the idea is just to get the witch hazel onto your butthole without actually having to pour it on there while your upside down

Okay, I am still wiping the tears from my eyes . . . I have to ask, just how does one happen to find this story?

:1orglaugh
We've *never* told him we know. He has no idea.

You know we talk about shit like that. You gotta cut us some slack. :winkwink:


Jace- if that's all you need, try the squirt bottle deal. One of the kind with the nozzles. Do it while you're sitting there.


Okay, I've made entirely too many posts in this thread. I have to stop.

sorry, i find tapping my asshole with a piece of soft paper more appealing than squirting stuff on there hoping I hit the bullseye and making sure it doesn't come back and drip on my hands

the wipe is SO much more practical

i use those every time just becuase they're cleaner & feel nice, but those do help with the hemmroids as well.

also, take a COLD (i mean ICE COLD) bath (for them to shrink). just fill the tub up 2 or 3 inches, you're whole body doesnt have to be covered in cold water.

use preparation H, tucks med pads, & those baby wipes for #2's. AND LAY DOWN AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE!

Hemmoroids are caused by excessive sitting (amount other things).

Just chill out for a couple of days. you'll be alright. :thumbsup

Shit! You're making me post again. If I end up getting hemorrhoids I'm blaming everyone in this thread. :1orglaugh

I have no idea where I first found that. It's been around for as long as I can remember being online. Before the net- back in the good ole bbs days. It's truly one of the funniest things I've ever read online, lol.

agreed, it is pretty damn funny

:Oh crap

use baby wipes, dont sit on the toilet too long... try to take wuick dumps, dont eat anything oily :thumbsup

Dude,
it hurts just reading about it!
put some of these leaves in boiling water, let cool and apply compresses THERE. Magic
Nik

MALVA, COMMON MALLOW

Malva silvestris (Malvaceae)

HISTORY AND USES

The young leaves and shoots of this plant have been eaten since at least the 8th century BC. The plant's many uses gave rise to the Spanish adage, "A kitchen garden and mallow, sufficient medicines for a home." The flowers and leaves are emollient and good for sensitive areas of the skin. It is applied as a poultice to reduce swelling and draw out toxins. Taken internally, the leaves reduce gut irritation and have a laxative effect. When common mallow is combined with eucalyptus (Eucalyptus globulus), it makes a good remedy for coughs and other chest ailments.

MAIN PROPERTIES: Anti-inflammatory, emollient, astringent, laxative.
:winkwink:

http://www.proctosite.com/imagens/he...hemorroida.jpg


http://asylumeclectica.com/malady/ar...ds/rhoids8.jpg

http://asylumeclectica.com/malady/ar...s/rhoids10.jpg

:( Those pics are disturbing

OMG Holly that's classic :1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh

you just can't make stuff like this up LOL!

Any canadian sites you can buy this stuff online? (Especially the medicated pads)

No fucking way i'm buying those from the cute cashier at the pharmacy

no damn fucking way

BTW My GameBoy game me the roids

After over 20 years of roids and mucho nagging from the wife, I finally had surgery last year and got rid of the little bleeders once and for all.

The surgery wasn't too bad, had an epidural and watched them cut the bastards away. The worst bit was when the epidural wore off and I started getting the feeling back in my legs and arse, fuck did that hurt.

Most painful thing I've ever had done and I was doubled up in bed for 2 weeks solid, even the most powerful painkillers couldn't make the pain in my arse go away.

2 weeks after the surgery, nothing, can take a shit, eat what I want and sit at my PC all day, no problem

Best thing I ever did was lose those bastards.

Best advice I can give...don't go out wearing light coloured trousers when they're hanging...just not worth the risk :1orglaugh

DAMN I sure hope I can get them Then maybe people will stop fucking me in da ass so hard@#$

i think those pics on the first page killed the thread :1orglaugh

just do what I suggested with the baby wipes and witch hazel, it is almost the exact same thing as the prepackaged wipes

that is priceless..good read :thumbsup

They will go away within a week or less I bet. You will probably get them again .. hopefully not soon.. try to avoid heavy lifting and the medicated pads work great. My son has them a few times a year ... I have never heard of the witch hazel remedy but I will for sure try it.. Thanks for the tip!

Good Luck and no remember.. no ass sex hehe :Graucho

I would be so fucking mad at you !