Blow Job Etiquite
 

Blow job etiquette (by a woman)

• First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.
• Extension to rule #1- So if you get one, be grateful.
• I don't care what they did in the porn video you saw; it is not standard practice to cum on someone's face.
• Extension to rule #3- No, I don't have to swallow.
• My ears are not handles.
• Extension to rule #5- Do not push on the top of my head. Last I heard, deep throat had been done. And additionally, do you really want puke on your dick?
• I don't care how relaxed you get, it is never ok to fart.
• Having my period does not mean that it's "hummer week" -get it through your head- I'm bloated and I feel like shit so no, I don't feel particularly obligated to blow you just you can't have sex right now.
• Extension to #8- "blue balls" might have worked on high school girls- if you are that desperate, go jerk off and leave me alone with my midol.
• If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don't tell me I've just "wrecked it" for you.
• Leaving me in bed while you go play video games immediately afterwards is highly inadvisable if you would like my behavior to be repeated in the future.
• If you like how we do it, it's probably best not to speculate about the origins of our talent. Just enjoy the moment and be happy that we're good at it. See also rule #2 about gratitude.
• No, it doesn't particularly taste good. And I don't care about the protein content.
• No, I will not do it while you watch TV.
• When you hear your friends complain about how they don't get blow jobs often enough, keep your mouth shut. It is inappropriate to either sympathize or brag.
• Just because "it's awake" when you get up does not mean I have to "kiss it good morning".

A Man's Rebuttal

• First of all, yes you are obligated to do it. If you don't we will find someone (younger, prettier, and dirtier) who will.
• Second, swallowing a teaspoon of cream is a hell of a lot easier than licking a dead fish.
• You want to talk about farting? Does the word "queef" mean anything to you?
• I will use your ears as I see fit. Don't worry about it and be thankful I'm not pulling your hair.
• When you're on period, stuffing something in your mouth is the only way to stop your bitching and moaning. Suck it up.
• Speaking of which, if you are bleeding for five straight days, you need all the fluids you can get, trust me.
• You bitch about the taste, but trust me when i tell you that we get the shit end of the stick in flavor country.
• At least there is no danger of a dick bleeding in your mouth.
• Play with the balls.
• No matter how good you think you are at it, we've had better.
• Caress the ass, too. We like that.
• Make hay when the sun shines. It's "wide awake" in the morning now, but when you get old and fat and looking for some action, I gah-ron-tee it'll be "sound asleep".
• If you swallow, then you don't have to worry about getting any on your face, now will you?

suck it hard and swallow, is all that needs to be remembered..

Anyone that cant deal with me pushing a little on their head cant blow me.

That is "kick-fuking-ass"

(2) thumbs up
:thumbsup :thumbsup

:helpme :1orglaugh

"First of all, yes you are obligated to do it. If you don't we will find someone (younger, prettier, and dirtier) who will. "

haha thats good :thumbsup

Fucking hilarious... :)

great stuff and i completely agree with the girls of course

etiquette :2 cents:

funny - now suck me - hehe

hehe lol :glugglug

funny

Yes, it's in the rules. Page 1, at the top...:thumbsup

I love it :1orglaugh

Speaking of blow jobs I havent had one for 2 months. hmmmmm.

It makes the woman sound like a total bitch. :P

But then it makes the guy sound like an asshole, so it evens out.

whattan article!

at least there is still the so called "etiquette":1orglaugh

If I am going to put it in my mouth I am going to be okay with swallowing.

i love it.

its old but its good.

i got so relaxed once i fell asleep and the next thing i heard "are you fucking snoring?"

once in a sex filled weekend my bf started to go down on me and then I felt him stop and minutes later I heard snoring. Now, given that we had done A LOT that day I just took it that I wore him out. He fell asleep with a finger in me so I sort of had to wake him up without trying to get hurt. 'no, i love being down here..i'll keep going'

uh huh...like a kid that fell asleep on the sofa arguing with his mom that he really was okay to stay up for a movie.

nice :thumbsup

What's next?

A union? :(

-Dino

hehe

My GF would agree... but not me ! :D

That is fucking funny, nice post. :thumbsup

I think you're onto something

"
i got so relaxed once i fell asleep and the next thing i heard "are you fucking snoring?""


:1orglaugh To fucking funny..LMAO

Killer post :thumbsup LMOA

Lol!! I loved this ones!

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh

Whatever woman made that up is a bitch!
Here's mine!

# First and foremost, I love to do it!
# Extension to rule #1- So you'll get a great bj.
# I don't care what they did in the porn video you saw; I want you to be happy and have a good time so cum wherever you want.
# Extension to rule #3- Yes I love to swallow!
# Please push on the top of my head. I want you to be in control.
# I don't care how relaxed you get, it is never ok to fart. Ok I agree with this one! lol
# Having my period means that it's "hummer week" -get it through your head- I'm bloated and I feel like shit, but I' extremely horny so I need the dick anyway I can get it!
# I'm not worried about pubic hairs in my mouth cuz I'm too busy concentrating on your bj.
# Leaving me in bed while you go play video games immediately afterwards is fine cuz I can get myself off if you're not in the mood.
# No, it doesn't particularly taste good. But I'm not swishing it around in my mouth for 30 seconds like Listerine so it really doesn't matter.
# Yes, I will do it while you watch TV.
# When you hear your friends complain about how they don't get blow jobs often enough tell them all about how much you get blown and how good it is.
# Just because "it's awake" when you get up does not mean I have to "kiss it good morning". It means I WANT to kiss it good morning!

Hows that? lol

if i take a shit directly before the blowjob, do i need to shower or just wipe real good?

Shower please! :)

Mandy is the younger, prettier, and dirtier girl referred to in "A Man's Rebuttal"

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh

What would you say to a woman who asked you that?

I laughed my ass off reading that to my coworkers!!

hahah.
I guess so!

Having my period does not mean that it's "hummer week"


Having this been said to me I fucking died reading this!

:glugglug

what if i use wetwipes? they smell nice and fresh ... and i dont like my salad tossed, just talking about freshness :)

i wouldnt say anything, i personally take em in the shower and clean the pooper myself so i can get in there nice and deeeeep!

bl bl bl bl bl bl bl bl bl bl bl bl bl bl bl bl bl bl bl bl bl bl bl bl :thumbsup

hehe, old. but funny nonetheless