Monday morning jokes
 

I need them so here is mine :


Clem pulled over the car by the side of the road and showed Jed where he'd first had sex.

"It was right down there by that tree. I remember the day plainly. It was a warm summer day. She and I were so much in love. We walked down to the tree and made love for hours," Clem recalled.

"That sounds wonderful," said Jed.

"Yes. It was okay until I looked up and noticed her mother was standing right there watching us."

"Oh my God! What did her mother say when she saw you making love to her daughter?"

"Baaaaa..."

Here's mine from an email this week:


A hippie gets on a bus and spies a pretty young nun. He sits down next to her, and asks her: "Can we have sex?"
"No," she replies, "I'm married to God." She stands up, and gets off at the next stop.

The bus driver, who overheard, turns to the hippie and says, "I can tell you how to get to have sex with her!"

"Yeah?", says the hippie.

"Yeah!", say the bus driver. "She goes to the cemetery every Tuesday night at midnight to pray. So all you have to do is dress up in a robe with a hood, put some of that luminous powder stuff in your beard, and pop up in the cemetery claiming to be God."

The hippie decides to give it a try, and arrives in the cemetery dressed as suggested on the next Tuesday night. "I
am God," he declares to the nun, keeping the hood low about his face. "Have sex with me." The nun agrees without question, but begs him to restrict himself to anal sex, as she is desperate not to lose her virginity. 'God' agrees, and promptly has his wicked way with her.

As he finishes, he jumps up and throws back his hood with a flourish. "Ha-ha," he cries. "I am the hippie!" "Ha-ha," cries the nun. "I am the bus driver"

George Bush goes to a primary school to talk about the war. After his
talk he offers question time. One little boy puts up his hand and George
asks him what his name is.
"Billy."
"And what is your question, Billy?"
"I have 3 questions.
- First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?
- Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes?
- And third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?"

Just then the bell rings for recess. George Bush informs the kiddies
that they will continue after recess. When they resume George says, "OK,
where were we? Oh that's right - question time. Who has a question?"
Another little boy puts up his hand. George points him out and asks him
what his name is.
"Steve."
"And what is your question, Steve?"
"I have 5 questions.
- First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?
- Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes?
- Third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?
- Fourth, why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early?
- And fifth, what the f*ck happened to Billy?"

:1orglaugh Good ones

all three good jokes