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Election Coverage Continues
Satire
This just in:
The whole world is guessing who took what state in this years presidential election. No place is this more evident than on the popular message board website gofuckyourself.com .
Hundreds of threads are being created for each news report about a percentage change or another electoral vote.

Asked to comment on the speed at which these threads are being created John Kerry said, "Whats that? I am not sure what a message board is and why did you tell me to fuck myself?" Our reporter explained what the board was and Kerry replied, "Nope still don't know who any of them are." Our reporter stated that many on this board are pushing to get him elected to which Kerry respond, "Thanks for the vote this will change America." After the explanation that the message board was the hangout for some of the biggest names in the adult entertainment industry Kerry quickly said, "I want to thank them for their support but I do not condone their businesses and will someone please tell me what a 2257 is?"

George W was asked to comment on the rapid creation of threads on the board and he stated, "Look there is a dirty word on the screen." After a detailed explanation to what he was looking at George W responded by saying "I want to thank all the people out there for voting for me. Even though I am trying to destroy your business and lives I just want you to remember the $300.00 I gave you the last time I was elected."

Regulars on the board clicked from thread to thread to find out who the next President of the United States would be. Not realizing that if it is a close race (and it will be) it will not be decided until Thursday.

Local board whores are using this election to increase their post count as it is the only means by which you are judged when finally trying to do some business.

Happy Election Day and may the Best Man Win.

In case you did not read above this was Satire and should not be taken seriously. Any :321GFY or :feels-hot or :BangBang: or :ak47: will be ignored.

:thumbsup :thumbsup :thumbsup

Thanks for the bump.:thumbsup
Lots of views but only 1 reply. Guess people want real news.
Anyways here is one I found about the news reports. I posted the url this after noon but here is the text.

Special Report:*
(Satire.ws):
In a surprise announcement on Fox News this afternoon the news agency made another election reporting error.

Fox News troubled in the past election for trying to be the first with election results claimed that independent Ralph Nader was leading in the polls. When asked to comment on this error Fox News said ?I don?t know how this could have happened. I am sure we did not even list Nader in the tracking program. We will get to the bottom of this and give a reply as soon as we find out who put Nader into the computer system.? When asked why they did not put Nader into the tracking system the room erupted into a roar of laughter.

Not to be outdone by Fox News, CNN reported that John Bush was leading in the polls. Our reporter asked CNN Executive Producers who John Bush was and they replied, ?He is the guy running for president.? Our reporter corrected them saying that the candidates were George W Bush, John Kerry and Ralph Nader. A little stunned by the news CNN started an investigation into the incorrect names in their tracking system. Half an hour later CNN officials said that they had found the problem and blame the States California and Florida. When asked to elaborate their reply was, ?The electronic voting machines in California are on the fritz and only reporting partial names to our tracking system. We have our best technician working on this issue. Level III Support Personal John Bush should have the bugs worked out in no time. As for the problem in Florida it looks as though they have put a crease in the ballot and names are not lining up. We sure wish those people in Florida would just give up and let us make the choices for them. They would screw up if there was only one box to color in.? Stunned by the response our reporter left to check on ABC and their results.

ABC requested to our reporter that everything be kept ?off the record?. Our reporter asked if they had a tracking system in place and they replied, ?We have fail safe tracking system and will have the final results later this evening after the polls close.? Upon leaving our reporter overheard ABC Management conversing and heard out takes on their election tracking system. This is what the reporter heard, ?When Fox News announces who the winner is we will say the opposite.?

MSNBC had a different approach to tracking the election results. Asked if the new electronic voting would be safe and secure MSNBC security chief said, ?There is no way it can be safe as it uses an inferior operating system.? Asked about their tracking of the results the News Anchor pointed to a multiple display of monitors with the other news agencies on display. Asked to elaborated he simply said, ?We will watch the news from around the world and then decide based on a complex computation of averages who the winner is.? Our reporter asked to see the computer network that could do such a complex calculation with complete accuracy and they grew nervous and pointed to an abacus sitting on the table. ?We tried to write a program to do the calculation. Every time we got something written it was hacked. Security is very important to use so we are using the most secure technology we can.?

Upon entering the CBS Studios our reporter was stunned to learn that they had forgotten that today was election day. Asked if they had any sort of tracking software to report up to the minute election results CBS Director yelled to a reporter to pull up The Fox News Website and type what he saw.

We hope you found this funny and it has taken some of the edge off this election time. This "Report" was done in fun and is a Satire of the 2004 Election Reporting. Let us not forget the 2000 Election and the mess that came from that. If you are offended by this then we are sorry but want to tell you to get a sense of humor before visiting a site called satire.ws. Don't forget to vote if you are a US Citizen. The choice is yours. If you don't vote then you can't bitch when things don't go your way.