Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law
 

People always want to know about religious and philosophical beliefs. But few people ever ask about my everyday ethics?the rules to use when dealing with day-to-day society. Here are a few of them. Feel free to cut them out and post them on the door of your mother?s refrigerator for easy reference.

Drugs
There is a stereotype among people who have never gotten high than anyone has ever done drugs, no matter what that drug is, is an addict. The thruth is that addiction has little to do with what drugs you use or how often you use them. There are other factors, like the extent to which you let them run your life and your ability to function normally without them. I make no secret of my drug use. But at the same time I have nothing but utter contempt for anyone who is addicted to drugs. It is the people who abuse drugs that make the people who use them look bad. Here are a few simple rules to help you determinate whether you are a user or an abuser of cocaine, pot and other substances. Consider yourself an addict if?

?you actually pay for drugs.
?you use a straw as opposed to a rolled-up dollar bill.
?you use the word blow.
?you?re a guy and you?re backstage at a Marilyn Manson concert (unless you?re a dealer or a police officer).
?you own more than one Pink Floyd record.
?you do cocaine during a show. (If you do it after a show, you?re okay. If it?s before, you?re teetering on the brink.)
?the mere mention of cocaine makes you pass gas or the sight of it makes you want to take a shit.
?you?ve written more than two songs that refer to drugs.
?you get kicked out of a band for being a drug addict.
?you?re friends with a model.
?you live in New Orleans.
?you pay for your groceries with rolled-up dollar bills.
?you?ve ever been in Dr. Hook or known the lyrics to a Dr. Hook song.
?the embossed numbers, particularly the o?s, 6?s and 9?s, on your corporate credit card are filled in with mysterious white powder.
?you?re alone in your hotel room on tour and you do drugs.
?you do drugs before 6 PM or after 6 AM.
?you hate everybody. (If you like everybody, you?re on Ecstasy and I?m against you.)
?you know the name for the fleshy crevice between your thumb and index finger.
?you?ve ever said, ?This is my last line? or, conversely, ?Which line is the biggest??
?you invite people to stay at your home while you?re on drugs.
?you tell anybody about your childhood while you?re on drugs.
?you?re not thinking about tits right now.
?you say, ?I only do this when I?m with you.?
?you have your bodyguard watch the door when you go to the bathroom.
?you?re a guy and you talk to a girl who has a boyfriend for more than five minutes because she has drugs.
?you? a child actor.
?If you make this book into a game and do a line every time drugs are mentioned, then not only are you an addict but you may be dead.
Rules I?ve broken: 1, 4 (but that doesn?t count), 5, 6 (and I came back on stage with the dollar bill hanging from my nose), 7, 8 (I?ve written dozens), 12, 13, 14 (unless I?ve cleaned it out because I?m crossing a border), 15, 16, 17, 19, 20, 21 (but only for this book), 24, 25

Tell me the origin of this and you get 1 free scene : )

you won teh google race game !

Cheating

Though we have a reputation as flagrant plunderers of all the free and expensive tits that come with being a rock star, the truth is that we are all completely faithful to our girlfriends. I can honestly say that I have never cheated on my girlfriend. And that?s because I play by the rules, which are listed below for your use and edification.

1. You can squeeze fake tits because they?re not actually real, so you?re not cheating.
2. If you don?t remember their name it doesn?t count.
3. If you don?t call them afterward it doesn?t count.
4. Blow jobs don?t cound?they?re like handshakes and autographs.
5. If you cuddle, you?re cheating.
6. If you are in a time zone that is ahead of the time zone your girlfriend is in, use the following equation to determine whether or not you?ve cheated: Let X be the time difference between the two countries and let Y be the number of hours that have elapsed since you slept with another woman. If you talk to your girlfriend and Y<X, then you haven?t cheated because it hasn?t happenet yet. If Y>X, you cheated.
7. If you are in Europe, Canada, South America or Japan, your marriage license is not valid. So you can sleep with anyone you want.
8. If you fuck someone the night before seeing your girlfriend, it?s okay because it?s just practice to make sure you don?t prematurely ejaculate with your girlfriend.
9. If it was part of a public performance, it doesn?t count.
10. If you?re doing it to help your career, it doesn?t count. But if she thinks you can help her career, then you?re cheating.
11. If you remember the name of a girl that someone else had a one-night stand with, then you cheated because you thought about it more than the person who got laid did. If you don?t have a girlfriend, this just makes you desperate and counts as one cheat against your future girlfriend.
12. If it?s someone?s birthday, it doesn?t count (especially if it?s your own).
13. If the girl has a tattoo with your name on it, then it?s just common courtesy to have sex with her.
14. If you have anal sex with someone else it doesn?t count because it?s not coitus (unless you?re dating Morrissey).
15. If she has the same name as your girlfriend, it?s not cheating?or if the first letter of her name is the same. If neither of these apply, spritz her with your girlfriend?s favorite scent before having sex and you?re all right.
16. If you tell them you respect them in the morning and mean it, you?re gay.

From the book: the long hard road out of hell

:1orglaugh Good stuff...

oh... heh, didn't read the pics...