John Kerry met with Ralph Nader last week...
 

"John Kerry met with Ralph Nader last week. Both sides of every issue were discussed. And then, Nader spoke." ?Jay Leno


:1orglaugh :1orglaugh

LOL that was pretty funny but go Kerry...

i like chicken

"President Bush said John Kerry is on both sides of every issue. And Kerry replied, 'No, I'm not ... but there is some truth to that.' " ?Craig Kilborn

i like cheese

Agreed. He will be getting my vote, but this is the "rip on Kerry" thread...

Anyone who thinks there are two sides to an issue shouldn't have the right to vote. :2 cents:

"The prisoner scandal is yet another election year problem for President Bush. And, with the economy still struggling, combat operations in Iraq dragging on, and the 9-11 hearings revealing damning information, even an opponent of limited political skill should be able to capitalize on those problems. The Democrats, however, chose to nominate John Kerry." ?Jon Stewart


Good point, Mr. Stewart.

:glugglug :thumbsup

"Kerry was here in Los Angeles. He was courting the Spanish vote by speaking Spanish. And he showed people he could be boring in two languages." ?Jay Leno

"President Bush listed his income as $822,000. You know what John Kerry calls someone who earns $822,000? Not even worth dating." ?Jay Leno

"John Kerry fell off of his bicycle over the weekend. He went for a Sunday afternoon ride, fell off in front of the news media. Luckily, his hair broke the fall so it's not as serious. ... Thankfully, Senator Kerry was not seriously injured. In fact, when the police arrived, Kerry was well enough to give conflicting reports to the officers about what happened." ?Jay Leno

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh

"John Kerry's wife Teresa Heinz is on the cover of Newsweek magazine this week and they said that if he is elected president, she will be the oldest first lady in American history. But that doesn't bother John Kerry, he said, 'To me, she looks like a million bucks'" ?Jay Leno


Try $500 million, Jay. LOL.

"John Kerry accused President Bush of catering to the rich. You know, as opposed to John Kerry who just marries them." ?Jay Leno

"John Kerry will undergo surgery to repair his right shoulder. He originally hurt it when he suddenly switched positions on Iraq." ?Craig Kilborn

Still amazing that even with all the flop jokes, he's worlds better than the failed alternative.

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh I like this one :thumbsup

Okay, time to stop posting them one by one... here are a bunch of them:


"In his big victory speech last night, Senator Kerry said that he wanted to defeat George Bush and the 'economy of privilege.' Then he hugged his wife, Teresa, heir to the multi-million dollar Heinz food fortune." ?Jay Leno


"The Secret Service has announced it is doubling its protection for John Kerry. You can understand why ? with two positions on every issue, he has twice as many people mad at him." ?Jay Leno


"John Kerry has promised to take this country back from the wealthy. Who better than the guy worth $700 million to take the country back? See, he knows how the wealthy think. He can spy on them at his country club, at his place in Palm Beach, at his house in the Hamptons. He's like a mole for the working man." ?Jay Leno


"John Kerry will be the Democratic nominee for president. Democrats finally found someone who is Al Gore without the flash and the sizzle." ?Craig Kilborn:1orglaugh :1orglaugh


"An Internet rumor claims that John Kerry had an affair with a young woman. When asked if this was similar to the Clinton-Lewinsky scandal, a spokesman said 'Close, but no cigar.'" ?Jimmy Fallon, Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update


"The head of the AFL-CIO endorsed John Kerry, saying, 'The time has come to come behind one man, one leader, one candidate.' Then he said, 'And until we find that man, we will endorse John Kerry.'" ?Conan O'Brien


"John Kerry said today that he wants to get rid of tax cuts for the rich and his wife said, 'Hey, shut up! What's the matter with you?! Are you nuts?!'" ?Jay Leno


"They had a profile of John Kerry on the news and they said his first wife was worth around $300 million and his second wife, his current wife, is worth around $700 million. So when John Kerry says he's going after the wealthy in this country, he's not just talking. He's doing it!" ?Jay Leno


"Political experts are saying the reason John Kerry is doing so well is because he?s 'electable.' Hey, so was Al Gore ? in fact, he even got elected and it didn't help him at all." ?Jay Leno


"During the Democratic presidential debate Howard Dean started off by apologizing to the crowd for having a cold. Then John Kerry apologized for once having a cold while serving his country in Vietnam." ?Conan O'Brien


"John Kerry was the big winner in Iowa. Ted Kennedy introduced Kerry as the 'comeback kid.' That used to be Bill Clinton's name ? because every time he would come back to a city, he would find out if he had a kid or not." ?Jay Leno


"John Kerry is recovering nicely after having prostate surgery. But the doctors did tell him it would be several months before he could be sexually active again. All the other Democratic candidates have been very supportive. Joe Lieberman called to wish him the best. The Rev. Al Sharpton called to offer prayers. Former President Bill Clinton called Mrs. Kerry and asked if she was lonely." ?Jay Leno

"During the debate, Bush was asked by a lady to name three mistakes he's made. And Bush responded, this debate, the last debate and the next debate." --Bill Maher

"This was the town hall debate, and Bush says he likes the personal feel of a town hall. There's something about getting out there and lying directly to people's faces." --Bill Maher

"There was one awkward moment where a black man stood-up to ask a question and out of habit, Bush said 'Clemency denied.'" --Bill Maher

"Tonight's debate was what they called the town hall debate. Both candidates were seated on stools. It was funny, from force of habit, Bush said 'Scotch and water, hold the ice.'" --David Letterman

"62 million people tuned into the debate this week. That's almost one viewer for every time President Bush said ' mixed message.'" --Bill Maher

"I don't want to say who won this debate, but today the FCC is furious and is fining the networks for showing the emperor with no clothes." --Bill Maher

"Political experts say President Bush was off his game. He looked distracted, confused, a little at a loss for words. Off his game? That is Bush's game." --Jay Leno, on the debate

"Of course you know, President Bush has been taking a couple days off this week to prepare for the debates. In fact, he's having a microchip implanted in his ear. This will allow Dick Cheney to speak to him directly. 'It's pronounced 'Fallujah' 'Abu Ghraib.'" --Jay Leno

"The debate deal for three debates almost fell apart because John Kerry did not want a light to flash when his time was almost up. And George Bush didn't want a light to flash because he's easily distracted." --Jay Leno

"Both candidates now are trying to lower expectations for how they'll do on the debates. For example, Kerry tried to lower expectations for himself by saying Bush has never lost a debate and that he is a formidable opponent. Then Bush lowered expectations for himself when he said, 'Hey, what does "formable" mean?'" --Jay Leno

"Bush bragged that more Iraqis say their country is on the right track than American say our country is on the right track. Boy, there?s a campaign slogan for you -- 'America: More F*cked Up Than Fallujah!'" -?Bill Maher

"Republicans are now saying that Dan Rather should lose his job because he misled the country with bogus information. Which is odd because the Democrats are saying the exact same thing about President Bush." --Jay Leno

"Democrats are saying that President Bush is refusing to take part in a town hall debate with John Kerry because Bush is worried about the questions the audience will ask him. After hearing this, the president said, 'That's ridiculous. I'm not worried about the questions, I'm worried about the answers." --Conan O'Brien

quit making sense man, you're freaking me out...

...or run for president.:2 cents:

I hope Nader willl back up Kerry!:thumbsup

No, people who realize that every issue has many sides should be the ones running for President. Like Bill Clinton or John Kerry for example.

But you just said that anyone who thinks there are two sides to any issue shouldn't have the right to vote (implying I'm assuming that they are stupid for having that belief). It's intelligent to have multiple positions on an issue if you're Bill Clinton or John Kerry, but not if you're the person voting for them? Sheesh, now you've even started contradicting yourself. I see why you like John Kerry so much.