Need for More jokes
 

The tide has turned. We are back-

For too long we men have been divided and conquered in the name of
equality, feminism and a host of other bobbins.

No more! The man fights back!!

Tell your friends, the 90's man is dead.... Long live the Man of
2001.

Listen up ladies, below is how it REALLY is.....

If you think you might be fat, you are. Don't ask us. Just get
your arse down a gym.

Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up, put the bloody thing
down.

Don't cut your hair. Ever. It causes unnecessary arguments when we
dare to comment on it.

Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we
can find the perfect present... again.

Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.

Saturday = Football. Let it be.

Shopping is not a sport.

Anything you wear is fine. Really !!!.

Ask for what you want directly. Subtle hints don't work.

Face it, peeing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point
blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.

Most blokes own two to three pairs of shoes, so what makes you think
we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look
good with that particular dress?

'Yes', 'No' and 'Mmm' are perfectly acceptable answers.

A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

Your Mum doesn't have to be our best friend.

Check your oil. It is an essential part of car maintenance.

The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two
months we were going out.

Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in a subsequent
argument.

It's not the dress that makes you look fat. It's all that bloody
chocolate you eat!!

Telling us that the models in the men's magazines are airbrushed
makes you sound jealous and petty and it's certainly not going to
deter us
from reading them.

The male models with great bodies you see in magazines are all gay.

If something we said could be interpreted two ways, and one of
these ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.

Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we rate how
pretty you are?

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during the
commercial breaks.

When we are in bed and look tired this means that we are tired and
definitely does not mean that we want to discuss the relationship.

If you want some dessert after a meal - have some. You don't HAVE to
finish it. You can just taste it if you like but don't say "No, I
couldn't/shouldn't/don't want any" and then eat half of mine.

Dieting doesn't work without exercise.

If you're on a diet it doesn't mean my meals should be rabbit food
as well.

A man's four essential food groups are: white meat, red meat, warm
beer and cold lager. Please ensure all meals contain a good balance
of
the above in acceptable quantities - everything else falls under the
category 'garnish'.

Do not question our sense of direction.

If you can learn the above, then man and woman can co-exist on a
level based on love and mutual respect.

The ball's in your court.

If I might add, TV remote control: Men Only

How about that? Do you have a response ladies?



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http://www.easysluts.net/toy13d.jpg
My name is Mick, I'm Hung Down Under, So Grab Your Ankles, And Feel The Thunder
Talk to Bake 77762980 If you need it Bake has it.

Sweetheart you know I couldn't let this go without a response.

1. What do you call a handcuffed man?

Trustworthy.

2. What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?

You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

3. Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?

Because if they all went, it would be hell.

4. Why do men like smart women?

Opposites attract.

5. How are husbands like lawn mowers?

They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.

6. How do men define a "50/50" relationship?

We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.

7. How do men exercise on the beach?

By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.

8. How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?

Make him wear shoes.

9. How does a man show he's planning for the future?

He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

10 How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?

ONE He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.

11 What did God say after creating man?

I can do so much better.

12 What's a man's idea of honesty in a relationship?

Telling you his real name.

13 What's the best way to force a man to do sit ups?

Put the remote control between his toes.

14 What's the smartest thing a man can say?

"My wife says..."

15. Why are all dumb blonde jokes one liners?

So men can understand them.

16. Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating?

To stop the snoring before it starts.

17. Why do jocks play on artificial turf?

To keep them from grazing.

18. Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize one egg?

Because not one will stop and ask for directions.

19. Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women?

When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.

http://bbs.gofuckyourself.com/board/wink.gif

Red




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Eroticopy
Because porn does not live by pics alone

Newzeland Humor

A little New Zilind story
>Wiremu, a New Zealander, landed at Heathrow on a trip to see the All Blacks
>and was not feeling well, so he decided to see a doctor.
>"Hey doc, I dont't feel so good" said Wiremu.
>The doctor gave him a thorough examination and informed Wiremu that he had
>altitude sickness, and that the only cure was testicular removal.
>"No way doc", replied Wiremu. "I'm gitting a sicond opinion eh!"
>The second English doctor gave Wiremu the same diagnosis and also advised
>him that testicular removal was the only cure. Not surprisingly, Wiremu
>refused the treatment.
>Wiremu was devastated, but, with only hours to go before the All Blacks
>opening game, he found an expat Kiwi doctor and decided to get one last
>opinion from someone he could trust.
>The Kiwi doctor examined him and said, "Wiremu, you hev elitude suckniss
>eh".
>"What's the cure thin doc ?" asked Wiremu, hoping for a different answer.
>"Will Wiremu" said the Kiwi doctor, "Wi're gonna hev to cut off your
>balls."
>"Phew, thenk god for thet" said Wiremu. "Those Pommie bastards wanted to
>take my test tickets off me!".

LMFHO

That is the funniest kiwi joke i have heard yet !
:-)
classic

What does the fbi agent says to his comdom, before going into the pussy?

Cover me, I'm going in!

story;
I had a girlfriend and we were so in love;
I fucked her standing,
I fucked her lying,
and when we were stoned I fucked her flying,
But now she's dead, but not forgotten,
so I digged her up and fucked het rotten.

Shall I change my name to; Sickboy?

Another blonde joke.

Three girls all worked in the same office with the
same female
boss. Each day, they noticed the boss left work
early.

One day the girls decided that, when the boss left,
they would
leave right behind her. After all, she never called
or came back
to work, so how would she know they went home early?

The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did
a little
gardening, spent playtime with her son, and went to
bed early.

The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick
workout at
the spa before meeting a dinner date.

The blonde was happy to get home early and surprise
her husband,
but when she got to her bedroom, she heard a muffled
noise from
inside. Slowly and quietly, she cracked open the
door and was
mortified to see her husband in bed with her boss!
Gently, she
closed the door and crept out of her house.

The next day, at their coffee break, the brunette and
redhead
planned to leave early again, and they asked the
blonde if she
was going to go with them.

"No way," the blonde exclaimed. "I almost got caught
yesterday!"