Ok, I have this dilemma and I need some input...
 

We just moved into this neighbourhood a few months ago... now we're planning to stay for many years, and I'm getting to meet the neighbours and they're all great so far.. Well I heard from one of the ladies I talk to that the man across the street (he was a cop) got into his car and went to drive to work, had a heart attack and died instantly waiting in traffic. He was 48. His wife is totally devistated and everyone is getting together to try to help her out. Now I don't know this woman, but all the people I've met know her and the couple was very highly regarded. Would it seem strange if I sent her a card or somethign even though she hasn't met me yet nor does she even know my name?

What would you do? I really feel badly for the lady (I can't even IMAGINE what I would do in her position, I'd be totally lost without jact), but is this going to be TOO strange or what? Any input would help :) Thanks..

Oh and you haters, fuck off :P

I would send a card, explain in the card that you just moved in and you wished you could have met under better circumstances, and that youre sorry for her loss.

then maybe take her some food or a small gift.

death, especially when it is that sudden, is hard on anyone and she will need and appreciate all the support she recieves.

send a card offering your condolences. It can only help.

I can't believe I just read this reply on GFY. There is hope.

A nice card from a new neighbor can't hurt. Something like..

"It's unfortunate that we didn't get to meet your husband before he passed, we are sure he was a great man. Our thoughts are with you as neighbors and hopefully friends in the future."

send a fucking card?

jesus...how sterile is that?

go over, introduce yourself, take a card and tell her you wish her the best...see if you can maybe make her relize that you are a genuine person that will be there for her....

Wow your in Oakville?? Not far from me.

Anyways, what I would do is send her a card and Maybe flowers, explaining your her nighbour. Although you dont know this women nor did you know her husband, you are still a neighbor and will be for a while. After the funeral and after she calms down (no matter how long it takes) She will be outside of her home and realize that youve showed your sympathy and respect for her loss. :2 cents:

I hear you're a good cook. If I were you, I would bake her a cake or cookies. Take them over to her and maybe use this as an opportunity to meet your neighbor, unfortunate the circumstances.

Spot on answer. That's exactly the right thing to do.

A nice neighbourly gift is a fresh loaf of homemade or bakery bread.

Or a coffee cake of some sort, since she'll probably be having many visitors coming to console her. She'll need something to serve them.

The people with the hot daughter who wears the tiny skirts?

bring a casserole. people forget to eat when they are grieving . . . that is what they used to do back in the day

I would send her a card.

Oh yeah, and attend any sort of public function they hold. You and Joel

give her a nice, one-dish meal. leave it on the porch with a note if you're shy. it sounds cliche but believe me, that woman has enough on her mind.

kindness is never strange

No...although she was undressing in her window the other night....


But they are a few houses down.

Thanks for all the replies, btw, I really appreciate it.. I haven't been in exactly this situation before so I think I will get her a card and take her a meal or something.

I don't think that would be weird at all. Just tell her in the card you haven't met her yet but heard about her loss from the other neighbors and wanted to do something for her.

I think the food thing is a good idea. Wait a week or two till all the initial outpouring and food bringing is over and she's sorta left to fend for herself, then make her a meal. Or make a big batch of something and freeze it up into some smaller meals that she can thaw in days to come, when she doesn't feel like cooking. Running an errand for her or going to the market might be good, too.

You'll make a friend for sure. Good neighbors can be a godsend in so many ways, esp with you staying there longterm and raising your kids there.

I agree - you should acknowledge what happened. I would make her something that can be frozen for later (try a breakfast meal - everyone always takes lunch and dinner, but nothing for breakfast) and put the card with that and take it over there.

Pics?

Personally, I think it would be awesome if you sent her a card....you can even tell her that you just moved in...these are not the circumstances you would prefer to meet anyone....blah blah...you're good with words, LadyM.....I think it would be a nice gesture on your part.

I agree. A card or note and some food is a good idea. I'd suggest food that can go in the freezer and be tossed in the oven, like a casserole. I make lasagne or enchilladas.

Best thing I got after my finace's death was a chicken casserole thing. You're totally out of touch with your body, but when you're hungry, summoning up the energy to cook is impossible. That frozen thing was a godsend a few days after he died and I realized I hadn't eaten. Into the oven for 30 minutes and I scarfed down about half of it. :)

Another friend sent one of those gift baskets with a pasta dinner in it. It needed more preparation, but came in really handy if you didn't want to go over there in person.

Good for you for being a great neighbor! I wish you moved in next to me! :)

Dont worry about any embarrasment you may feel about not knowing her well at all..

I'll tell you that when my father died at only 42, we had hundreds of people visit from the entire neighborhood who we'd never even met. There were stacks and stacks of food which was honestly very helpful for my mother since we were all kids pretty much.

Just do it, bring something, say a few words and offer whatever you may be able to and insist she not be shy about asking. Then just do it without her asking :)

All of us in this online community should live together, maybe on an island, form our own country even.

After the initial spurt of murders where all the idiots are extinguished it would actually be quite a fun neighbourly place to live. The odd spammer, troll, or cheater would turn up floating face-down in the nearby swamp, but that's acceptable.

Ahh to dream.



Sorry, now back to the topic...

[QUOTE]Originally posted by CDSmith
All of us in this online community should live together, maybe on an island, form our own country even.

After the initial spurt of murders where all the idiots are extinguished it would actually be quite a fun neighbourly place to live. The odd spammer, troll, or cheater would turn up floating face-down in the nearby swamp, but that's acceptable.

Ahh to dream.



Sorry, now back to the topic... [/QUOTE
Whenever I see a lot of land for sale I always think a bunch of us should kick in and all live there! Separte enough where we're not in each other's lives constantly, but secluded enough where we feel safe with our neighbors :thumbsup

LMFAO

My, CDSmith, you do know how to make an impression, don't you?


LM,
When my MIL died suddenly, hoardes of family flew in and congregated at my In-Laws' house, and there were a few ladies who we didn't know well, if at all, that kept the place running smoothly while the rest of us were still reeling. Sometimes it is better that you are not personally involved, because you will remember to pick up extra toilet paper for all the out of towners, and odd things like that.:2 cents:
Very thoughtful of you to want to help.:thumbsup

I don't know what to tell you, because almost all of my neighbors are complete jackasses. I wish I could find a nice neighborhood full of personable people to move in to. :(

I guess if I liked the neighbors and really wanted to get to know them, I would send the card. I don't see how it could hurt.

Wow, that's nice. I can just about guarantee you that if my house burned down tonight and half of my family was killed and we lost everything we owned, half of our neighbors would laugh and half of them would be angry that the firetrucks disturbed their peaceful sleep. :mad: :(

Why not bring the card over yourself and get introduced?

That might be too much commitment and a lot for a first meeting tho.

I am at an age where I have been through a few too many funerals lately.

The women is going to be on autopilot. She is going to get far too much attention and food dishes in the next few days.

Then, after the funeral, she will find all the attention gone, and she will be all alone in her big, empty house.

I suggest you find out the date of the funeral.

Then send her a card, with a brief introduction, and an invitation to tea two days after the funeral. Telephone the day before to confirm.



:2 cents:

Yeah, I wouldn't advise a personal meeting right now. I know if I lost my husband, meeting new people would be the last thing I'd want to have to deal with. :(

Again, awesome advice folks thanks so much ;)