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Laws in a Christian State

1. The sale, distribution, and consumption of alcohol is strictly prohibited. Violators are subject to possible lengthy prison terms. Repeat violators will be publically stoned.

2. The sale, distribution, and consumption of tobacco products is strictly prohibited. Violators are subject to lengthy prison terms. Repeat violators will be publically stoned.

3. The use of inappropriate language is strictly prohibited. Violators face stiff fines and possible jail time. The explicit mocking of God, Christ Jesus, and/or the Holy Spirit is a major felony. Persons convicted of this crime face the death penalty.

4. Sexual intercourse with any person other than a spouse is a felony subject to a period of no less than 10 years imprisonment. Repeat offenders are subject to legally enforced chemical castration.

5. Pornography is outlawed. Any persons caught with offensive hardcore materials (e.g., Hustler, Penthouse), either in public or in private, are subject to a period of no less than 10 years imprisonment. Any persons caught with offensive softcore materials (e.g., playboy), either in public or in private, are subject to a period of no less than 5 years imprisonment.

6. Church attendance is mandatory at least once per week, on Sunday morning. Any persons caught violating this ordinance are subject to 1 year imprisonment for each day of church attendance missed.

7. All citizens must register for missionary service no later than their 18th birthday, and must complete at least two years service in the field no later than their 25th birthday. Failure to complete missionary service will result in the immediate termination of citizenship and subsequent deportation to a country chosen by the Committee on Missionary Affairs in Washington, D.C..

8. The teaching of the theory of Evolution is strictly prohibited at all public and private educational institutions, including all institutions of higher learning (Colleges and Universities). Violators face death by stoning under the Anti Child Corruption Act. Any persons who are known to have had any training in this theory are subject to immediate termination of citizenship and subsequent deportation to a country chosen by the Committee on Anti Child Corruption in Washington, D.C..

9. All creations of art, including film, literature, and music, must be approved by the Committee on Artistic Decency in Washington, D.C. before public distribution is granted. Artistic pieces deemed to lack sufficient moral appeal are prohibited. Persons caught producing and distributing such material will be classified as an enemy of God and are subject to immediate public stoning under the Decency in Art Act.