go piss yourself
 

Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back...or that you could crawl into a hole?

Here are the testimonials of a few people who did....

1. I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids
in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned around and walked back out and never went back.
My husband didn't say a word... he knew better.

2. I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf
balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."

3. My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that
sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.

4. While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided
to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons.
I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when
the door closed behind me were screams of laughter.

5. Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My
three year old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said, "No." I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW
that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse.
Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled. "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing! He calmly pulled up his pants and sat
down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!

6. This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days
and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any....a true story... We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Simon, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"
Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

:1orglaugh good ones


my step dad told me about #6 a long time ago... funny shit

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh

6. This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days
and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any....a true story... We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Simon, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"
Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!


----


FUCKING ROFL ... :P good one

bwahhaha thanx for sharing!

good laughs :thumbsup

I practically pissed myself reading these.

OH GOD...... rotflmfao

My kids were THE world's worst at embarrassing me..... the two worst ones are as follows:

My oldest daughter was maybe 2 years old, at the most, and anyone that knows me knows I have a potty mouth, well, she seemed to pick up on this. I had been trying to watch it, but when I got hurt or burned, I'd yell "shit"........ we were grocery shopping one night late, and just happened to be in the store when church had let out and of course all the church people flog to the stores to grab something quick for dinner. She was begging me for something, I can't remember what, but she, in all her anger, had banged her head on the cart, so what does she do? She starts yelling "shit, shit, shit" at the top of her fucking lungs and I have god knows how many christians looking at me like I was the anti-christ in the flesh. The ones with kids grabbed their kids like I was going to eat them and practically ran off. LOL

The other time was when I had needed to get some things from Wal-Mart, my oldest son, who is now 15, was a VERY greedy little guy, he knew money bought toys so instead of asking for toys, he wanted the cash........ I wasn't listenting and told him I wasn't going to.. so what the hell does he do? He grabs my nipples and starts twisting for all he is worth and screaming at the top of his little lungs "I want fippy dollars, GIVE ME fippy dollars" and did this over and over and over........ I wanted to kill him, but the show sure as hell gave everyone in the damn store a good laugh. I could not get him to stop no matter what I did..... and I had to push the basket he was in....... trying to stay at arms reach wasn't doing it because he then just stood up and was screaming it...... He didn't stop til I had to just leave the damn store. And yes, I left a trail of laughter along the way.... from the back all the way to the front. If I had let him out, he would have laid down in the damn floor. LOL

:1orglaugh Yeah, that's a kid all right... Store tantrums are the worst.

I could that first one really happening if the kids were being loud and annoying.