Funny article by Mike South
 

How To Make Love Like A Pornstar:

Gee this is getting a ton of hype. A whats funny is...well the title says it all. Anyone in porn knows pornstars don't "make love" they fuck. But I guess how to fuck like a pornstar is a little too much truth in advertising. BUT.....If I did tell the truth it would read a lot more like this---

1. Arrive late for your date, or maybe not at all, but if you don't arrive at all I guess you can't fuck, thus negating the purpose of the book..

2. Complain...about everything, the time being too early, or too late, it was too hard to find, whatever.

3. Hand your musician boyfriend the keys to your car.

4. Complain to the make up artist, tell her how dto do your make up because only you know how to do it right, bitch that red lipstick is out.

5. Strip.

6. Complain that you're cold.

7. Demand more money.

8. Ask for the Director, then get told he isn't there because he is far too much of an artist to shoot sex scenes, his assistant does those, he only directs the dialogue.

9. Oral ? I thought that's what the fluffers do.

10. Reverse Cowgirl.

11. When the assistant director says cut, tell your co-star "Get the fuck off of me"

12. Complain, because your partner doesn't have wood, or is doing caverject, or smells bad, or has bad breath, or his penis is too small, or his penis is too large.

13. When it's time to resume tell your co-star to get it up himself, you aren't paid for that.

14. Mish.

15. Doggy.

16. Pop Shot--Hurry up, and don't get it in my hair or my eyes, then dodge it as though it were highly corrosive acid.

17. Pose for stills.

18. Cuss out P.A. for being late with baby wipes.

19. Ask producer when he's hiring you again.

20. Call musician boyfriend, who doesn't answer.

21. Complain.

22. Cry.

22. Get High with Behind the Scenes Cameraman.

23. Hitch ride home with Costar.

There ya have it...How To Make Love Like A Pornstar....Y'all know I ain't gonna sugar coat it.

That's funny stuff. Mike's a great guy.

wow, he just describes almost every porn set I have ever been on

Gave me a morning chuckle :)

know who Mike SOuth is?

hehehehe

these guys live the la pornstar life day in and day out.

the valley if filled with them.

Fucking ROFL ... and it probably isn't far from reality

its not.

this is typical daily shit from a porn stud.

ive known of the south crew for years.

this is all very real.

I'm pretty sure Jace knows who Mike South is. :1orglaugh

Especially since we were all together about a month ago :thumbsup

yadda yadda yadda.... wasnt saying he didnt.

this describes every little shithole porn set in the valley, to which Mike South and Jace refer.

i live here remember? ;)

the valley is full of these people.

big deal, brag about meeting up with someone I respect

You asked a question, I answered it. Nothing more. :winkwink:

I'll let you know when I'm "bragging", lol!!! :1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh

hey redface, im not asking a question.... it was a comment.

haventy you heard the expression as if someone who drinks alot gets drunk... "well gotta expect that, you know how Dave is right?" note the "heheheh" geez you people need a hand..

same thing

i wish i could post once a day without having you quote me and make me explain shit to you.

get out of the house

Sorry, my 3rd grade English class taught me that a question mark meant it was a question. Perhaps you could preface your posts with a "Fletch to English" explanation? :thumbsup

And I am out of the house, lol! :winkwink: Or did you not really mean that either?

ever notice this peaches person argues about nothing?

jumps in conversation has no clue and then starts arguing about nothing. you live in the hills, i live where these people place their ads..

peaches do yourself a favor and just stop.

i took you off ignore and now i have to see you quote me everyday.

why dont you please JUST IGNORE ME INSTEAD???

please?

as an old friend said, i can hear the banjos start everytime you post, you dont even understand my humor let alone my posts, just put me on ignore.

no need to EVER quote me agin, okay?

pretty please?

i doubt you could go 2 days without quoting me and trying to argue, wanna try?

hahaha

Yet you accused me of taking a BBS
too seriously! :1orglaugh

Oops, I guess you "win" and I "lose"

you want to argue about a passing comment.

I make a comment to jace and now you feel the need to have jumped in and try to argue over it.

yes you do.

and i told you couldnt go a day without quopting me.

you are obcessed with me actually.

follow me around some more reddie

Actually all I did was answer a question that it sure looked like you asked. Then you went off on a tangent and I'm just having fun watching and playing. :thumbsup

a tangent?

im trying to hit 40k, you are just a pinion.

the funny thing is you actually say you are *having fun* during this.

I am checking email, installing a script and half-ass working on a design.

as i said, you take this board too serious, im working you are being entertained by my posts. this is your life, this is your entertainment.

keep reading sugar, i know youre glued to my words, you have been for awhile.

oscession.

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh

the fact you talk about me on boards I dont post on, SHOWS you have something going on in your head about me.

Others have pointed it out to me.

you should seek help.

you talk about me when i am not even around, issues.

Even more :1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh