Wanna laugh?
 

Telephone conversation.
-------------------------------
"Hello, is this the police? "
"Yes it is"
"How can we help you?"
"I'm calling to report about my neighbour, Rangi. He's hiding cocaine inside his firewood."
"Thank you very much for the call!"

The next day, police officers descend on rangi's house in great numbers. They search the house and then go out to the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of firewood but they find no cocaine.
They swear, and leave Rangi's house.

The phone rings at rangi's house.

"Hey, Rangi, did the cops come? "

"Yea!"

"Did they chop your firewood?"

"Yep!"

Happy birthday, bro!





Post your own joke.... I wanna laugh!

A man walks into a curio shop in Haifa. Looking around at the exotica, and he notices a very lifelike, life-sized bronze statue of a rat. It has no price tag, but is so striking he decides he must have it. He took it to the owner: "How much for the bronze rat?"
"Twelve shekels for the rat, one hundred shekels for the story," said the owner. The man gave the man twelve shekels. "I'll just take the rat, you can keep the story."

As he walked down the street carrying his bronze rat, he noticed that a few real rats had crawled out of the alleys and sewers and began following him down the street. This was disconcerting, he began walking faster. But within a couple blocks, the herd of rats behind him had grown to hundreds, and they began squealing . He began to trot toward the Bay, looking around to see that the rats now numbered in the MILLIONS, and were squealing and coming toward him faster and faster. Concerned, even scared, he ran to the edge of the Bay, and threw the bronze rat as far out into the Bay as he could. Amazingly, the millions of rats all jumped into the Bay after it, and were all drowned.


The man walked back to the curio shop. "Ah ha," said the owner, "you have come back for the story?"
"No," said the man, I came back to see if you have a bronze Arab

:eek7 Oh, the hate! the hate!

Why didn't you just say a bronze lawyer, huh?

Three turtles decide to have a picnic. after packing their food and drinks and supplies, they head off but the picnic grounds are ten miles away and they can only travel one mile per day. After ten long days, they arrive at the picnic grounds and start to unpack. After a they have everything spread out around them, Carl notices that they don't have a bottle opener.

"Bob, where's the bottle opener," Carl asks.
"Don't ask me, I though Pete brought it. Pete, where's the bottle opener?"
"Don't look at me, you were supposed to bring it!"

So, the three turtles argue for a while but nothing gets resolved. They are all hungry and thirsty so finally they draw straws to see who has to go back for the bottle opener. Carl loses.

"If I go, you'll eat all the food! It will take me ten days to get there and ten days to get back and when I get back there won't be anything left for me!"

Pete and Bob promised Carl that they would wait for him to get back. The turtles argue for hours with Pete and Bob swearig to wait for Carl to get back. Finally, Carl agreed but he wasn't very happy about it. It was getting dark and they didn't want to wait any longer so Carl sets off while Bob and Pete packed everything back up.

Ten days went past and Bob and Pete kept their promise to Carl. Then fifteen days passed and sixteen, then twenty. Bob and Pete were getting VERY hungry but they had made a promis to Carl and they wanted to keep it. Finally, after thirty days of waiting for Carl to return, Pete and Bob realized that he wasn't coming back so they opened the picnic basket and started to spread out the food.

Then, just as Bob took a bite from his sandwich, Carl jumped out from behind a bush and yelled, "Hah! I knew it, I'm not fucking going!"

SpaceAce

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh

best one yet.. and its not even a mature one :winkwink:

Here's a slightly more mature one:

As a man was reading the newspaper, he came across an ad which claimed he could lose five, twenty or fifty pounds for only $10 per pound. The man was skeptical but he was desperate to slim down and decided to give it a shot, so he calls the number listed in the advertisement and tells them he wants to lose five pounds.

The next morning at 9 AM the man's doorbell rings and he answers it to find a smallish man in a business suit and a beautiful redhead in a tight shorts and a halter top. Immediately, he becomes aroused because this woman is <B>hot</B> with large, firm breasts and a tight tummy. The man in the suit says, "Sir, this is Renee and she is your weight loss counselor. The program is simple: if you catch her, you can fuck her." The man in the suit turns and walks away. As soon as he is out of sight, Renee rips off her clothes and takes off into the house. The overweight man slams the door and begins to chase Renee. Well, it takes him a good hour to catch her and when he does he throws her down on the couch and they have insane animalistic sex all morning. As they are laying there panting, the man suddenly remembers that he was supposed to have lost five pounds, so he leaps up and runs into the bathroom to use his scale. Sure enough, he has lost exactly five pounds. The man is ecstatic and as soon as Renee has left, he calls the company again and tells them he wants to lose twenty more pounds.

The next morning at precisely 9 AM, his doorbell rings and he opens it to find the same short man in the business suit, this time accompanied by the sexiest and most desirable woman he has ever seen. Her face was perfect, with enormous blue eyes, high cheekbones and a lovely button nose. Her hair was long and blonde, shimmering in the morning sunlight and her body put her face and hair to shame. Every inch of her was tight and hard, from her flat stomach to her amazing dancer's legs. She had a huge chest and the best ass the man had ever seen. After five seconds of looking at this woman, the man already had a raging hardon. The gentleman in the suit said, "Sir, this is Lisa and if you catch her you can fuck her." The man in the suit then turns and leaves.

Lisa rips off the skimpy lingerie she is wearing and the chase is on. The man chases her upstairs, downstairs and all around his house. The chase goes on for hours and it is early afternoon before the man finally catches Lisa. When he does get his hands on her, he takes her right there on the floor of his kitchen. They do it on all the furniture in every imaginable position and it is late afternoon before they finish. Immediately, the man staggers into his bathroom and gets on his scale. Exactly twenty pounds lost!

The man decides to go for the gold and lose the last 50 pounds he's been wanting to get rid of. He makes the phone call and is given his usual 9 AM appointment.

The next morning, the man in the suit arrives on the doorstep. This time, however, he is accompanied by an enormous, smelly gorilla. The fat man opens the door and demands, "What the hell is this?" The man in the suit replies, "Sir, this is Bobo and if he catches you he is going to fuck you."

SpaceAce

what was this?? the pied piper of hamelin?

BTW funny story you got there space age

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him.
He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wiped a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

"What's the matter, dear?", she whispers as she steps into the room, "Why are you down here at this time of night?"
The husband looks up from his coffee, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly.
The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring
sensitive. "Yes I do" she replies.

The husband paused. The words were not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?"
"Yes, I remember" said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continued... "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?'"

"I remember that too" she replied softly.

He wiped another tear from his cheek and said......
"I would have gotten out today."

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh

Thats bad.. but it still made ma laugh. :1orglaugh

haha, my dad use to tell me this one all the time :1orglaugh

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh
!!!!!!!!!