bumper stickers
 

>BUMPER STICKERS worth reading
>
>1) The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.
>
>2) I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
>
>3) I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!
>
>4) Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
>
>5) I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
>
>6) Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.
>
>7) WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
>
>8) You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
>
>9) BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.
>
>10) I got a gun for my wife, best trade I ever made.
>
>11) So you're a feminist...Isn't that cute!
>
>12) Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
>
>13) Earth i! s the insane asylum for the universe.
>
>14) To all you virgins, thanks for nothing.
>
>15) I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
>
>16) My kid had sex with your honor student.
>
>17) Earth first...we'll mine the other planets later.
>
>18) I'm just driving this way to piss you off.
>
>19) Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
>
>20) As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public school.
>
>21) I don't have to be dead to donate my organ.
>
>22) I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather...not screaming
>and yelling like the passengers in his car.
>
>23) God must love stupid people, he made so many.
>
>24) The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
>
>25) Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
>
>26) It IS as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
>
>27) I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
>
>28) It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
>
>29) Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
>
>30) I know what you're thinking, and you should be ashamed of
>yourself.
>
>31) Elvis is dead, and I'm not feeling too good myself.
>
>32) Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
>
>33) Very funny, Scotty. Now beam up my clothes.
>
>34) Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
>
>35) Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
>
>36) CAT ~ The Other White Meat!
>
>37) Beer ~ The Reason I Get Up Each Afternoon!
>
>38) I Must Be a Proctologist Because I Work With Assholes!
>
>39) I'm Out Of Bed And Dressed; What More Do You Want?
>
>40) Remember My Name ~ You'll Be Screaming It Later.
>
>41) Welcome To Shit Creek ~ Sorry, We're Out of Paddles!
>
>42) If You Think I'm A Bitch, Wait Until You Meet My Mother

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Something New... http://www.americas-best.com/adult

Here is mine!!! ooh! ooh! http://bbs.gofuckyourself.com/board/smile.gif

THINGS YOU'D LOVE TO SAY AT WORK

1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.

2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

3. How about never? Is never good for you?

4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.

6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...

8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.

10. Ahhh...I see the fuck-up fairy has visited us again...

11. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

13. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.

14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?

20. No. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

23. And your crybaby whiny-butt opinion would be...?

24. Do I look like a people person?

25. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

26. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.

27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?

29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

31. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

33. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?

34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

36. Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.

37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?

38. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks


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- TheWatcher
Peace will come, just kill them all...

• MyGayLinX
• MyGayLinX - TGP
• MyGayLinX - TGP Submitter
• XboYX - TGP

Advice to Northerners Moving South..

1.) Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed on how to use it shortly.
2.) If you forget a Southerner's name, refer to him (or her) as "Bubba". You have a 75% chance of being right.
3.) Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean Southerners can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows.
4.) If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four-wheel drive pick-up with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them-Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
5.) Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.
6.) Whatever you do, make sure that you don't buy food at the movie store!
7.) You can ask a Southerner for directions, but unless you already know the positions of key hills, trees and rocks, you're better off trying to find it yourself.
8.) Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive.
9.) In southern churches you will hear the hymn, "All Glory, Laud and Honor". You will also here expressions such as, "Laud, have Mercy", "Good Laud", and "Laudy, Laudy, Laudy".
10.) Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?"
11.) In an effort to match their speech pattern, Southerners also walk slower.
12.) Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't understand you either.
13.) The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "Big ol'", as in "big ol' truck" or "big ol' boy". Most Northerners begin their new southern influenced dialect with this expression.
14.) The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.
15.) As you are cursing the person driving 15 mph in a 55-mph zone, directly in the middle of the road, remember all southern folks learned to drive on a John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane position for that vehicle.
16.) If attending a funeral in the South, remember we stay until the last shovel of dirt is thrown on, the tent is torn down and the empties are picked up.
17.) If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!" stay out of his way. These are likely the last words either that he will ever say or, worse still, that you will ever hear!
18.) Most Southerners do not use turn signals, and they ignore those who
do. In fact, if you see a signal blinking on a car with a southern license plate, you may rest assured that it was on when the car was purchased.
19.) If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let alone eating.
20.) The winter wardrobe you always brought out in September can wait until December.
21.) If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the most minuscule accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It does not matter if you need anything from the store, it is just something you're supposed to do.
22.) Satellite dishes are very popular in the South. When you purchase one, it is to be positioned directly in front of your house. This is logical bearing in mind that the dish cost considerably more than the house and should, therefore, be prominently displayed.
23.) In the South, tornadoes and divorces have a lot in common. In either case, you know someone is going to lose a trailer.
24.) Florida is not considered a southern state since there are far more Yankees than Southerners living there.
25.) Be advised that in the South: "He needed killin'" is a valid defense.




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unlikely to be Y3K Compliant
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Are you trying to tell me that coconuts migrate ?