For those with No children - this is totally
hysterical! For those who already have children past
this age, this is hilarious. For those who have
children this age, this is not funny. For those who
have children nearing this age, this is a warning.
For those who have not yet had children, this is birth
control.
The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin,
Texas:
Things I've learned from my Children (honest & no
kidding)
1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill
2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.
2. If you spray hairspray on dust bunnies and run over
them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3. A 3-year old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a
crowded restaurant.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the
motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy
wearing Batman underwear and a superman cape. It is
strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to
spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling
fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have
to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit.
A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't
stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh
oh," it's already too late.
8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots
of it.
9. A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock
even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it
in the movies.
10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive
tract of a 4-year old.
11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the
same sentence.
12. Super glue is forever.
13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming
pool you still can't walk on water.
14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV
commercials show that they do!
16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when
driving.
18. You probably do not want to know what that odor
is.
19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on
...plastic toys do not like ovens.
20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute
response time.
21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not
make earthworms dizzy.
22. The mind of a 6-year old is wonderful. First
grade, true story: One day the first grade teacher was
reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her
class. She came to the part of the story where the
first pig was trying to accumulate the building
materials for his home. She read, "...And so the pig
went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw
and said, 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that
straw to build my house?' The teacher paused, then
asked the class, "And what do you think that man
said?" One little boy raised his hand and said, "I
think he said...'Holy crap! A talking pig!'" The
teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
23. 60% of men who read this will try mixing the
Clorox and brake fluid.
hahahahahahahaha=
Never deprive someone of hope, it may be all they have.
I just recieved this and thought I would share it. cheers
hysterical! For those who already have children past
this age, this is hilarious. For those who have
children this age, this is not funny. For those who
have children nearing this age, this is a warning.
For those who have not yet had children, this is birth
control.
The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin,
Texas:
Things I've learned from my Children (honest & no
kidding)
1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill
2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.
2. If you spray hairspray on dust bunnies and run over
them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3. A 3-year old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a
crowded restaurant.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the
motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy
wearing Batman underwear and a superman cape. It is
strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to
spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling
fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have
to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit.
A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't
stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh
oh," it's already too late.
8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots
of it.
9. A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock
even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it
in the movies.
10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive
tract of a 4-year old.
11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the
same sentence.
12. Super glue is forever.
13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming
pool you still can't walk on water.
14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV
commercials show that they do!
16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when
driving.
18. You probably do not want to know what that odor
is.
19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on
...plastic toys do not like ovens.
20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute
response time.
21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not
make earthworms dizzy.
22. The mind of a 6-year old is wonderful. First
grade, true story: One day the first grade teacher was
reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her
class. She came to the part of the story where the
first pig was trying to accumulate the building
materials for his home. She read, "...And so the pig
went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw
and said, 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that
straw to build my house?' The teacher paused, then
asked the class, "And what do you think that man
said?" One little boy raised his hand and said, "I
think he said...'Holy crap! A talking pig!'" The
teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
23. 60% of men who read this will try mixing the
Clorox and brake fluid.
hahahahahahahaha=
Never deprive someone of hope, it may be all they have.
I just recieved this and thought I would share it. cheers
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