Pimp My Ride :: Redneck Style...
 

Ok the following are instructions for pimping your ride redneck style.

You must start with a Chevrolet truck of 1976-1979 vintage in limited running condition and preferrably 3 different shades of primer. If you already have one of those you are halfway there.

In the back of the truck you will need a quantity of crushed beer cans, a gasoline can, a 5 foot section of rubber hose for siphoning, a coiled chain of indetermined length for towing purposes, a tool chest, 3 blocks of wood of undetermined origin, three full cans of oil and two empty ones, five spent shotgun shells, a spare tire (flat), a jack, 3 various engine pieces from 3 various engines and a boat paddle (you don't need to own a boat to include this last item.)

Inside the cab you will need on the dash, 3 or 4 books of matches from various bars, 2 empty packs of winston cigarettes, 67 cents in various coin denominations (33 cents on one side of the dash and 34 cents in another locale), a state farm insurance calendar opened to September (even though it's now July), 3 bolts and 2 nuts that don't fit anything and a beanbag ashtray superglued to the dash.

Inside the glovebox make sure you have a 4 year old W-2 form, a year old can of vienna sausages, one half used box of shotgun shells, two empty cans of Skoal, atleast one month's worth of unpaid bills, one opened pack of saltine crackers with only one cracker left inside and one inspection sticker from 4 years ago.

In the floorboard don't forget to include one dirty shirt, 3 socks (one or more covered in oil from the dipstick in the motor), One national enquirer, two McDonalds Egg McMuffin wrappers, one Hardee's cup, a pair of pliers, a crowbar, several K-Mart receipts, 2 or 3 more empty packs of Winston cigarettes and one unused shotgun shell.

DO NOT FORGET A GUNRACK IN THE BACK WINDOW!!!!

OK WE HAVE ALMOST PIMPED YOUR RIDE...

For the final touch we must add a few graphics to the outside of the truck. On the rear window you will need one "Ain't Skeert" sticker in rebel flag colors and one "NRA Life Member" sticker. On the rear bumper for the best effect go with one "American By Birth, Southern By The Grace Of God" sticker on the left side and one "You Can Have My Gun When You Pry It From My Cold Dead Fingers" sticker on the right. On the front a nice touch would be to break off half the Chevy Bowtie on the grill and then add the following graphics to the bumper. One "If Your Heart Ain't In America Then Get Your Ass Out" sticker on the left and one "Horn Broke, Watch For Finger" Sticker on the left.

Remember points are deducted for a full set of mirrors on the truck AND for not having atleast one mirror that moves around by itself with the vibration of the truck.

Follow these simple guidelines I have provided and YOU TOO can PIMP YOUR RIDE...REDNECK STYLE!!

thats funny shit.

"Ain't Skeert" :1orglaugh