Want A Good Laugh?
 

:1orglaugh I was reading the Megadeth board...when I came across this:


St. Mary's Catholic Church sez:

If Your Child is a Gothic, Reform Through the Lord!

Listed below are some warning signs to indicate if your child may
have gone astray from the Lord.

Gothic (or goth) is a very obscure and often dangerous culture that young teenagers are prone to participating in. The gothic culture leads young, susceptible minds into an imagined world of evil, darkness, and violence. Please seek immediate attention through counselling, prayer, and parental guidance to rid your child of Satan's temptations if five or more of the following are applicable to your child:

-Frequently wears black clothing.

-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.

-Wears excessive black eye makeup, lipstick or nailpolish.

-Wears any odd, silver jewelry or symbols. Some of these include:
reversed crosses, pentagrams, pentacles, ankhs or various other
Satanic worshipping symbols.

-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.

-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)

-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak Accentrically.

-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the
Bible, prayer, church or sports.

-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.

-Takes drugs.

-Drinks alcohol.

-Is suicidal and/or depressed.

-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation.
(This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.)

-Complains of boredom.

-Sleeps too excessively or too little.

-Is excessively awake during the night.

-Dislikes sunlight or any other form of light. (This pertains to
vampires promoting the idea that His light is of no use.)

-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.

-Spends large amounts of time alone.

-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your chid may speak to evil sprits through meditation.)

-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an
adult.

-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this.

-Misbehaves at school.

-Misbehaves at home.

-Eats excessively or too little.

-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.

-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.)

-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)

-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.

-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the
computer.

-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.

-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.

-Expresses an interest in sex.

-Masturbates

-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.

-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism,
Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.

-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various
phrases: "I'm so gothic", "I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth".

-Claims to be a goth.

If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene
immediately. The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within it. If any of these problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental health center.

~St. Mary's Catholic Church

is it possible to be a goth and still wear cologne?

Goth people scare me

Yeah, listen to the Catholic church, they know a lot about "young, susceptible minds" and how they can be manipulated. :321GFY

I didn't know Satan was so influential!

I'm sure everyone is guilty of one or more things in that list.

Yeah really! :1orglaugh Now...could someone please pass the Count Chocula? :Graucho :1orglaugh

Yes, in fact, we have our own line of fragrances to choose from! Such as: Black Widow, Black Rose, The Nightmare Before Christmas Bone Daddy Cologne, and of course the TNBC Rag Doll Perfume...etc... :Graucho

Yes.

And, Wicked Temptress, what was that doing on the Megadeth board? :1orglaugh I wanna find the original source.

That's pretty funny stuff.

I worked on a couple of the Megadeth websites for Capitol a little while back. Fun stuff.

well i do like 99% of that and im no goth :Graucho

no:p

Megadeth rules!

-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your chid may speak to evil sprits through meditation.)
-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.


ROFL, this is what makes religion so hilarious, the bullshit and brainwashing.

I'm way more scared of bible bashers than I am of goths

Ah, this takes me back to the good old days when I was a "new-waver." I think 90% of my school-mates thought I was a satan-worshipping lesbian heroin addict. Actually, I spent most of my time hanging out at the coffee shop quoting Noel Coward with my fellow theater-geek friends. (And this was before coffee was cool!)

well, according to THAT, me, my wife, and all my children - down to the four-year-old.. are goth! :1orglaugh :1orglaugh

I had to go back and break this down a little...

-Frequently wears black clothing.

What teen trend since, uh, 1970 hasn't involved wearing black?

-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.

See above

-Wears excessive black eye makeup, lipstick or nailpolish.

See above, but make it 1980

-Wears any odd, silver jewelry or symbols. Some of these include:
reversed crosses, pentagrams, pentacles, ankhs or various other
Satanic worshipping symbols.

See above

-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.

See above, but notch it up to 1990 or so

-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music.

Robert Smith is STILL a god.

-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak Accentrically.

Yes, god forbid teens should associate with others like themselves. Must be a cult. (Notice rednecks never get called on this?)

-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the
Bible, prayer, church or sports.

That is SO unusual for teenagers.

-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.

Wait...death automatically involves Satan? Hmm...guess I'm not up on Catholocism (thank God - pun intended). The rest is just too vague to even bother with.

-Takes drugs.

Not worth commenting.

-Drinks alcohol.

Ditto above.

-Is suicidal and/or depressed.


Well, yes, by all means this requires attention - but blaming "goth" or any other alternative culture is kind of counter-productive, one would think.

-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation.
(This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.)

See above.

-Complains of boredom.

Because normal teens never complain of boredom. *cough*

-Sleeps too excessively or too little.

See above.

-Is excessively awake during the night.

What's "excessive"? And, see above.

-Dislikes sunlight or any other form of light. (This pertains to
vampires promoting the idea that His light is of no use.)

UV rays cause skin cancer.

-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.

Goddamn teenagers and their demands for privacy. I say take the doors off their rooms!

-Spends large amounts of time alone.

Doesn't this kind of contradict the whole "Associates with other people that dress, act or speak Accentrically. " (Oh, it's "eccentrically.) Or are they damned if they do, damned if they don't? (Get it? That pun was intended. Oh, I crack me up.)

-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your chid may speak to evil sprits through meditation.)

Well, of course. Because there is absolutely no reason a developing teen would want time alone, and quietness, unless it was in order to allow time to speak to evil spirits...through meditation. Because that's the point of meditation, after all...excuse me while I go jump off a cliff...

-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an
adult.

So deviant, it defies discussion.

-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this.

NO teenager in history has EVER disregarded the above mentioned authority figures. Clearly, this is Satan at work.

-Misbehaves at school.

See above.

-Misbehaves at home.

See above.

-Eats excessively or too little.

See above.

-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.

See "whomever came up with this one should be institutionalized ASAP."

-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.)

Potentially an actual problem...and might, for that reason, warrant a LITTLE bit higher placement on the list...AIDS, Hepatitis...I know, I protest too much...

-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)

I have no words.

-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.

I never knew Zork would condemn me to Hell forever.

-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the
computer.

I am so doomed.

-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.

I have no clue what might be a "Satanic symbol", but does it count when the radio alarm goes off and I shake my head violently while demanding my parnter hit "snooze"?

-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.

Okay, well...

-Expresses an interest in sex.

Yes, we can't have healthy teens doing this.

-Masturbates

Covered, already a whole website on how to avoid this bit of nasty sinfulness.

-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.

This is a Goth problem? Way to lay on the issues.

-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism,
Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.

Yes, beward the evil cults of Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism! God HATES all that thinking and all that respect for life shit. Bring on the fire and brimstone god! Let's get to smiting!

Satanism and Scientology...well, I can't speak to those 'cause I think they're equally silly. But that's just me.

-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various
phrases: "I'm so gothic", "I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth".

Well, yeah, that would kind of be a clue.

-Claims to be a goth.

Again, I have no words. How, exactly, did they decide how to rank these " clues"?

Thanks for a good laugh, FT!

more than five of those applies to me but I'm not AntiChrist...on then contrary in fact...

whoever wrote that is the loser in HS

asccording to that list : me, my husbanda nd our 2 year old are all goths :1orglaugh

:1orglaugh You guys fuckin' rule! :1orglaugh

Amelia, I have no idea what it was doing on the Megadeth board. But sure enough, there it was. The poster didn't provide a source URL for it. I tried to do a brief search to see if I could find it and had no luck. Maybe when I get some more free time I'll try to look again. If I find anything, I'll let you know. :winkwink:

Here's the thread though:

http://forums.megadeth.com/showthrea...highlight=Goth

I'm sure that you found it as amusing as I did. LOL

Forrest, that's cool! Osiris was a host in the Megadeth chat when they had it up. But that was a long time ago...Like 6 or 7 years ago...

Mishi, L-O-Fucking-L That was great. It's WT not FT, but no worries :) you're very welcome for the laugh. Thank you for the laugh too. :Graucho

lol

Oops! So sorry. I must have been distracted by the Satanic orgy in the next room. Damn kids. :winkwink:

im scared of goth girls, and guys, but more then scared, im confused