Sounds like people in La have it rough
 

NEW CALIFORNIA DRIVER'S EXAM

For those of you who are not "fortunate" enough to live in California, here is a copy of the California Driver's Exam, and for those of you who do, study real hard. This is a new exam. Since driving conditions (and culture) are unique in
Los Angeles, you may not have realized that the California Department of Motor Vehicles has now issued a special application and driver's test solely for the Los Angeles Metropolitan Area.

Here it is:
GREATER LOS ANGELES AREA DRIVER'S LICENSE
APPLICATION:

Name:___________________
Stage name: ____________________
Agent:__________________
Attorney:_______________________
Sex:
___male ___female ___formerly male ___formerly female ____both
*If female, indicate breast implant size: _______

Will the size of your implants hinder your ability to safely operate a motor vehicle in any way? Yes___ No ___

Please list brand of cell phone: ________.
*If you don't own a cell phone, please explain:________________________

Please check hair color:
Females: [ ] Blonde [ ] Platinum Blonde
Teenagers: [ ] Purple [ ] Blue [ ] Skinhead

Please check activities you perform while driving:
(Check all that apply)
[ ] Eating
[ ] Applying make-up
[ ] Talking on the phone
[ ] Slapping kids in the back-seat
[ ] Applying cellulite treatment to thighs
[ ] Tanning
[X] Snorting cocaine (already checked for your convenience)
[ ] Watching TV
[ ] Reading Variety
[ ] Surfing the net via laptop

Please indicate how many times:
a) you expect to shoot at other drivers _____
b) how many times you expect to be shot at while driving _____

If you are the victim of a carjacking, you should immediately:
a) Call the police to report the crime
b) Call Channel 4 News to report the crime, then watch your car on the news in a high speed chase
c) Call your attorney and discuss lawsuit against cellular phone company for 911 call not going through
d) Call your therapist
e) None of the above (South Central residents only)

In the event of an earthquake, you should:
a) stop your car
b) keep driving and hope for the best
c) immediately use your cell phone to call all loved ones
d) pull out your video camera and obtain footage for Channel 4

In the instance of rain, you should:
a) never drive over 5 MPH
b) drive twice as fast as usual
c) you're not sure what "rain" is

Please indicate number of therapy sessions per week: ______.

Are you presently taking any of the following medications?:
a) Prozac
b) Zovirax
c) Lithium
d) Zanax
e) Valium
f) Zoloft
*If none, please explain: __________________.

Length of daily commute:
a) 1 hour
b) 2 hours
c) 3 hours
d) 4 hours or more

When stopped by police, you should:
a) pull over and have your driver's license and insurance form ready
b) try to outrun them by driving the wrong way on the 405 Freeway
c) have your video camera ready and provoke them to attack, thus ensuring yourself of a hefty lawsuit.

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Make Money. Period.

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Fuck thats funny I need to pass that on to our programmer he is going to take his test today

Tanker

That's hilarious Elvis! ROTFLMAO!

Driving in LA is not nearly as bad as everyone thinks...especially after just getting back from NYC, Yikes!

Although, as former Oregonian, I can attest to the fact that they freak out over rain. LOL On the news, if it sprinkles outside, the call it "STORMWATCH 2001", no shit.

Besides all that, driving on LA Freeways is a blast. I purposefully take freeways whenever possible. It's like playing a video game for real. Incredibly fast paced, always got to be on the offense, adrenaline pumping, weaving, bobbing, ducking. And when night falls? Fucking Awesome.

Born and raised in So Cal, and uh, I don't get it.