It's Tough to be a Republican in 2004
 

(If this has been posted here already, then I only apologize for the sloppy cut and paste LOL)

This should ruffle a few feathers :winkwink:

It's Tough to be a Republican in 2004, because somehow, you have to
believe that:

1. Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.

2. The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our
highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.

3. "Standing Tall for America" means firing your workers and moving
their jobs to India.

4. A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but
multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all
humankind without regulation.

5. Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're
a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our
prayers for your recovery.

6. The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in
speeches, while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

7. Group sex and drug use are degenerate sins, unless you someday run
for governor of California as a Republican.

8. If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

9. A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies,
then demand their cooperation and money.

10. HMOs and insurance companies have the interest of the public at heart.

11. Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing
health care to all Americans is socialism.

12. Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but
creationism should be taught in schools.

13. It is okay that the Bush family's "Carlisle Group" has done
millions of business with the Bin Laden family.

14. Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when
Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business
with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden"
diversion.

15. A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable
offense. A president lying about WMD existence, to enlist support for
an unprovoked, undeclared war, in which thousands die, is, somehow,
solid "defense" policy in a "War against Terrorism".

16. Government should limit itself to the powers named in the
Constitution, which include "banning gay marriages and censoring the
Internet".

17. The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but
George Bush's Harken Oil stock trade should be sealed in his Daddy's
library, and is none of our business.

18. You support states' rights, which means Attorney General John
Ashhahahahaha can tell states what local voter initiatives they have a
right to adopt.

19. What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest,
but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.

20. Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but
trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a "spirit of international
harmony".

21. Affirmative Action is wrong, but that it is OK for your Daddy and
his friends to get you into Yale, the Texas Air National Guard,
Harvard Business School, part ownership of Harken Oil, part ownership
of the Texas Rangers, the Governorship of Texas and then have the
Supreme Court appoint you President of the USA.

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh

#5 is fucking classic!

5. Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're
a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our
prayers for your recovery.

#21 :thumbsup

#13 and #14 should really scare the shit out of people tho...

That about sums things up! :thumbsup

Sad but true.

:1orglaugh how true. sad but true...

neighbors, no one loves you like he loves you,
and no one cares like he cares.
neighbors, let us join today in the holy love of God and money,
because neighbors, no one loves you like He loves you.
and what better way to show your love than to dig deep into your pockets.
dig real deep, until it hurts. Alleviate your guilt,
free yourself once again, because he gave to you, brothers and sisters.
please give a 10, 25, or 50 dollar tax-deductible donation,
and I assure you your modest pledge will be used to censor TV and radio,
ban questionable books, and contribute to many other Godly services.
no longer will young Christian Americans hedonistically indulge
in masochistic submission to rhythmic music, for with your monetary support,
there is no end to what we can achieve in this country.
the voice of God is government. The voice of God is government.
the voice of God is government. In God we trust, sinners repent!


can't you see what we believe in, all our thoughts, all our reasons,
pursuit of life and liberty and happiness we cannot see?
speak of truth with a mighty voice, but politics are your real choice.
hire men to change the law, protect and serve with one small flaw.
voice of God is government. The voice of God is government.
voice of God is government. In God we trust, sinners repent!
if we shun God and Jesus Christ, religious love is sacrifice.
love for God is shown in cash, the love they send is mailbox trash.
with every pamphlet we receive, more money asked for Godly needs.
build a million dollar church, with money spent on God's research.
voice of God is government. The voice of God is government.
voice of God is government. In God we trust, sinners repent!
on late night TV, God can heal, a certain force you cannot feel.
love for money in God's name, religion's now a TV game!
build a million dollar church, with money spent on God's research.
build a million dollar church, with money spent on God's research.
voice of God is government. The voice of God is government.
voice of God is government. In God we trust, sinners repent!
yeah!
voice of God is government. The voice of God is government.
voice of God is government. In God we trust, sinners repent!

For anyone who cares to research it's actually the Carlyle group, and yes it's fucking scary that the Bush's and the Bin Laden's are two of the top profiteers of this "war on terror". Since Bush launched it the Carlyle Group has become something like the 7th largest defense contractor in the US. :helpme

Sadest Part is Democrats arnt any better.... We need more voices in our government.

funny & scarry all at the same time :disgust

Democrats are better. Far better. So much better that it's getting offensive to hear this 'Politicians are all the same' shit. They're not.

Thats a classic :1orglaugh

Hi

I'm an atheist and I will be voting for Kerry this November just to get Ashhahahahaha out of office but I really get tired of Republican bashing from the left. I believe that both religious conservatives and far-left liberals are incredibly dangerous and need to be stopped.

As an example of why the Left is no better than than the Christian Right:

WHY IT'S GREAT TO BE A LIBERAL

1. Homosexuality is NOT only a sexual behavior, it makes you a completely different species with your own special rights and privileges. Questioning anything about homosexuality in school, politics or a public forum will get you silenced, fired or destroyed!

2. We should simply give up our national armies to the UN which is not only corrupt but gives countries like Sudan, Upper Volta and Iceland the same # of votes that the USA has. Oh and then when countries refuse to comply with UN resolutions - their indescretions should simply be ignored.

3. "Standing Tall for America" means weighing down American corporations with sensitivity training classes, ergonomic rules, mandatory maternity leave, increased minimum wages, quotas of all kind, medical insurance and whatever lawsuits the local opportunist, minority mafia can choose to shake them down for. For some reason these corporations choose to move elsewhere.

4. We shouldn't ever use the death penalty - even against serial killers and mass murderers however a woman should never lose the right to kill an 8 1/2 month old fetus.

5. Sexually harrassing an employee is a moral failing and a crime unless you're the president. Then every feminist will be creaming in their panties to defend you!

6. The best way to improve military morale is to be more interested in social experimentation than military efficiency and then introducing new and unworkable laws into your intelligence agency.

7. Being a member of the KKK is wrong unless you someday run as a Democratic Senator of West Virgina.

8. If pictures of guns and armymen are kept out of school then no one will be bringing arsenals to their local class to blow everyone away.

9. A good way to fight terrorism is to sycophantically suck up to countries that are overtly hostile to you and have no interest in your success.

10. The government has proven itself to be so efficient and free of bureaucracy that it is the perfect way to offer health care. See how well it works in Canada and Australia?

11. A dictator massacring his own people by the thousands gets him very little news time but humiliating some prisoners to extract information is a lead story on all networks for a month.

12. Although environmentalism borders on religious fanaticism complete with chanting, ritual wear and extremist ideologies - we should believe every pronouncement coming from this camp... even though their apocalyptic announcements have never been correct. (Soylent Green anyone?)

13. It is okay to come out against the delusional beliefs of Fundamentalist Christians but in the meantime weave bizarre, ridicuous and idiotic conspiracy theories that make Jehovah look like a scientific fact.

14. Forever - in the history of humanity, it has always been a good idea to aid a bad guy against a mutual enemy... like Stalin during World War II. Only Democrats with their stellar foreign policy successes (like Mogadishu) feel differently.

15. Laws really don't mean anything if you're a Democrat - it's perfectly okay to deliberately and overtly lie under oath and somehow this is equivocated to a Republican REFERRING to a UK Intelligence briefing.

16. Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include "banning guns" and eliminating free speech if it's considered "hate". (This is how Canada kept the bondage version of Penthouse Comix out of their country.)

17. The public has no right to prosecute those who have overtly broken the law if the law breakers are Democratic Politicians. The prosecutor and witnesses are endlessly vilified while thinly disguised agents of the DNC smear the complainants.

18. To be a Democrat you have to believe that it's not okay for a Judge to ignore a court order and keep up a display of the ten commandments but it's heroic for a judge to ignore the law and marry gay couples. Republicans are too law oriented and supported neither.

19. To be a Democrat you have to live in the past, like this is the 60s believing that everyone is a bigot ready to draft you into the most recent war which is always compared to Vietnam.

20. Bush is Hitler. Cheney is Hitler. Reagan is Hitler but Fidel Castro who impoverished and severely oppressed his populace is considered a cultural hero and lauded in leftist political circles.

21. To be a Democrat you have to believe that it's okay to discriminate to fix discrimination and that this is somehow moral and legal.


Far-Left Liberalism is just as dangerous as the religious aspects of the Republican party. Liberalism represents a religious devotion to concepts that have never and will never work such as pacifism, socialism and a fanatic devotion to multiculturalism (SCREW STRAIGHT, WHITE MEN!!). Liberals wholeheartedly believe in lying, social disruption and breaking the law to advance their causes (civil disobedience.)

Moderates (also called "mainstream conservatism" or "The Left" by George Will) as demonstrated by the guys at South Park, Kid Rock, John Stossell, Jesse Ventura and Dennis Miller believe in personal responsibility, capitalism, very little governmental involvement and the need to use evil, pointy things to protect our country and ourselves.

Religious conservatism as demonstrated by Ashhahahahaha, Bush, Michael Medved, Bill O'Reilly etc want the government to become a kinder/gentler theocracy and enforce Bible code on the populace. Note that Bush RAN as a moderate beating out people who would be considered 'Religious Conservative'. Would Bush EVER have won the primary - much less the election, if he would've told everyone he'd be going after porn on the internet?

I believe that both the Far-Left Liberal and Religious Conservative viewpoints are not only wrong but dangerous. Luckily we usually have enough people on both sides to keep each other in check.

Okay - waiting for the Ad Hominems - John