Another Canadian Customs story. (Long Post)
 

Although I love Canada...The Customs people seriously suck ass. Grab a drink, sit back, and enjoy my latest story.....


A couple of days ago I drove up to Vancouver, BC to pick get MaskedMan and bring him to Seattle to watch the Mariners game. I purchased a bottle of rum at the US duty free store, had a great time in Vancouver, then returned to the US the following day without any issues.

This morning we rolled into the duty free store, picked up 3 more bottles, then proceeded through Customs.

This is where it started to get fun. :321GFY

The Customs dude asked about liquor and I gave him an honest answer (at least I thought so at the time...More on this later...) that we had 4 bottles with us. I explained that I had just been through a couple of days before and had not been home to drop off my other bottle. Now he sends us into the office.

The cashier bitch decided to help us but all she can do is play 20 question and supply no answers or resolutions. So she has us sit down and wait to speak with an officer.

30 minutes later I approached the counter to see why I had not been contacted yet and she says she will go find out. Then she walked over to an officer, gave him our ID's and explaied the situation. WTF? Why did she not do this 30 minutes ago? Dumb bitch.

Now the Customs officer wants me to return 2 of the bottles of booze and search my vehicle. No problem man...Here's the keys....I'll be right back.

Off we go to return 2 bottles.

Upon return the dude grabs me and sends MaskedMan away. He says we have a bit of a problem and points to a pile of stuff that he has coverd up sitting next to the car.

Take a break, sip some beer, then continue on.....

Customs dude pulls back the cover and there sits an open bottle of Vodka, a closed bottle of Scotch, and a box of 420 calendars. Dude looks at me and asks for an explanation.

The open bottle....Uh...I forgot that was in here. Throw it away if you want.

The bottle of Scotch....I bought that in London. It's a gift for my Uncle. It's been in the back for a couple of weeks and I forgot about that too.

He tells me he is really concerned about the calendars and askes why I have them. I tell him I was returning the box to my friend. Now the guy starts in about Canadian law Bla bla 80219er alpha tango 7u or some shit like that. As if that means anything to me.

He explains that the pot in the pictures sends up a red flag and that he may have to take me in the back, strip me down, and fondle me in places that even my doctors have never approached. (although this sounds like fun, I decide not to mention that to him) Then he will dismantle my car. So he starts in about drug trafficing questions then tells me to go back inside and he will continue his search. If he is satisfied then fine, if not......Well...You get the picture.

Oh yeah...Now there are 2 more bottles of alchol involved. So while Barney Fife is sniffing around for drugs, I said fuck it and gave the other 2 bottles to the stupid cashier bitch. Now I have the bottle of Scotch and the bottle I bought a few days ago.

After almost 2.5 hours of them fucking around and Immagration asking me about some California ID card that I have never had but they say I do....they decide that I can not enter the country with these calendars and they send me back to the US.

US Customs flags me now because I was just turned around by Canadian Customs.

Drink break

Moving on..........

The US Agent askes me if MaskedMan and I are doing "The boy / boy thing." I said no but that MaskedMan was single and I could see if he was interested. THe Customs dude did not appreciate my humor.

He asked why Canada turned us back and I told him about the calendars. He asked more specific questions.....Now US Customs is searching my car.

Dude returns and tells me that they will also not allow me into the US with them either and he escorts me over to a trash dumpster to dispose of them. He said "We don't usually do this." To which I replied..."I understand...You and your buddies all want a copy." He says "No, we have better things to do." I answered with "So do I but here we are anyway."

Sooooo......On the way back to the office, dude tells me that my tags are expired on the car. Sure as shit...They expired back in February and DMV never sent me notification. He over looks that and we get back into the office.

Now he wants to bust my chops about importing textiles into the US. I ask him WTF he is talking about and he refers to a box of 4 PlayboyCash Babydoll shirts. He says that they are clealy not for me and that he can not allow me to import them.

Uh........I went 100 feet outside of the US, never left Customs...Where in the fuck do you think I am importing them from you asshole? He "Allows" me to keep them because he knows I am headed right back to Canada but warns me not to return with them.

Off we go back to Canadian Customs. We end up with a dude who looks exactly like the first guy. He starts asking me the same fucking questions and I stopped him dead in his tracks and said: "Look man. We were here almost 3 fucking hours ago. You flagged us and sent us into the building. Tell me WTF you want me to do so that I can enter this country, drop off my friend, and get the fuck out because clearly, I am not wanted there.

The guy looks at me, tells me that was his identical twin brother and that he is a jerk. Then he tells me to stay as long as I want and to have a nice day. Never even asking for ID.

The end. :glugglug

so did you and stu end up fucking?

Holy fuck arron... In our defense two of those terrorist fuckers made it through the victoria > port angelas border..

So it's pretty tight now, dunno if you remeber the guy caught with bomb making supplies in the back of his car, around y2k.

holy shit, crazy story! :glugglug

Not yet but there is still hope. If I can just pry him away from his Star Wars movie for an hour or two. :Graucho

i was expecting a longer post

So are you guys doing the boy/boy thing? :Graucho

DH

How come you always have all the fun Aaron? :)

Sorry to let you down, baby.


Because I am a smart as and I travel a lot. The first answer that usually comes to mind is not the one that I should be giving a Customs Agent. :1orglaugh

Yeah, thats messed up.


It's all worth it for the story though

Exactly why I have two post office boxes.. one in Canada, one in the States. That way I can decide how to bring stuff through the border.. in person in the car or through the mail. Because some stuff I would really rather not be there while they search through it. :)

haha twin brothers. I had no idea! That was at Peace Arch? I'll have to keep an eye open for them.

:1orglaugh

You just want pictures, admit it! You're good at getting them in comprimising situations! ;)

ahahah thats fucked up man...sorry to hear that...i had the same prollems a month ago going over to belingham to get a fuckin shirt..my girl and i wuz stopped at the us border had the americans toss salad in my car.....then after few hrs we got in...on the way back form teh states...the american po po were waiting before the canaidan border doing more checks...
fuckin stupid shit ....

Aaron...the whole situation has nothing to do with you...It's all Stu's fault.
With that beard, he looks like a terrorist plain and simple.

;)

J.

We went through the truck side. Tell them I said hello and tell the US guy with the spiderweb tat up and down his arm that Stu is still single and interested.

He shaved that off about a month ago.

I don't have your number with me.......How can I reach you?

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh

I hate the US guys down there at the Peace Arch crossing. The truck crossing usually is a bit friendlier.

Jesus Christ...They probably fucked with you because we have enough stupid fucks in the U.S. as is.

You live in Canada and can't even spell Canadian correctly.

WTF are you doing posting in this forum anyway? Did you not read the rules when you signed up? You need to have 100+ posts before posting here. Go hang with the kids in the Q&A forum for awhile.

Holy shit! Thanks for the laugh.

too long... so did you & masked Man get butt fucked with strap ons from the female Canadian Custom oficers while you drink Vodka & read the 420 calendars or what?

Yes. That paraphrases it perfectly. Thank you. :thumbsup

I loved this part too:

Now he wants to bust my chops about importing textiles into the US. I ask him WTF he is talking about and he refers to a box of 4 PlayboyCash Babydoll shirts. He says that they are clealy not for me and that he can not allow me to import them.

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh

I just skimmed over & remembered the important factors.

CANADIAN CUSTOMS ARE FULL OF FXCKING ASSHOLES.

Crazy. Thanks for the reminder to clean out the car before I have to go through customs. :)

icq me when you have a chance...

107333723

;)

J.

Aaron...

Thanks for giving me the best laugh I've had today.... :)

Most places in Canada you just drive through the border crossing without them even checking your ID -- all the horror stories I've heard are coming through BC :)

I left my laptop in Seattle...Thank god....

I will have MaskedMan contact you.

He said it.

Good to see the hooligans keep getting hassled..:1orglaugh

Aight...cool.

J.

that really sucks aaron! good on ya for keeping your cool though maing.:thumbsup

canadian customs are fucking idiots! i was coming back from vegas and they were hassling me because i bought too much clothes to declare?? this is MY country man and we get that shit just as much as the next person, granted it was at the airport.

:BangBang:

Next time....Just show them your "O" face. :1orglaugh

so does that mean you're staying over night in canadia?

Wow! What a pain in the ASS!! Does not encourage me to drive to Vancouver anytime soon.

dude that is so fucking priceless


:1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh

pstt... Hey. I got a shoot at 430 tomorrow. so could you either plan on hitting my place before that. OR after 8.

~B

Sweetums... You poor guy. I got that same treatment during my employment in Vancouver. I was going back and forth to Seattle every couple of weeks. I got stopped and searched at the truck crossing going to Seattle . They asked and I told them I had BROCCOLI. Yes... I was almost arrested for 2 stems of broccoli.

That adventure took me 3 hours as well. I ended up just giving it to one of the border guards.

I hate broccoli anyway

.:Hollering

:1orglaugh

I dont go to the states anymore.. the world has gone nuts the last few years and crossing over our supposedly open border has become a fucking pain in the ass.

no i didnt read the rules...and hey...sorry for makin' a spelling mistake i guess it really pisses you off....GOOD JOB!:1orglaugh

My friend was given trouble at the border for a cigarette lighter that the cutoms guy claimed had "resin" on it, and that he should detain her, and blah blah blah...

bag of wind, all of it.

Next time, I say you get a hot babe to hide you in the trunk, and drive you through... I bet pretty ladies get waved through all the time ;)

if you did that at the winnipeg airport - you would have gotten the anal exam

sweetums is one hell of a cute guy too

:Graucho

Conclusion : Are you gay AaronM ?

That is one fucked up story dude :(

What a story!

Some of you know this story but I guess I'll share it with the others.

One time I was going to through Canadian customs in Vancouver when they told me they weren't going to let me in the country because of some stupid charge I had, that I was never even found guilty of, when I was 12 years younger.

Anyway, I begged them to let me in the country because I was on my way to a trade show when finally it hit me. I said, "what are all the ways someone can get in Canada?" They replied telling me that I had to have a visa, residence permit, passport or a work permit. Well, since I didn't have a job there, I wasn't Canadian and they weren't giving me the default visa, I asked them for an application for a residence permit.

They then let me fill out the necessary paperwork, pay the 200 dollar fee and enter the country as a "temporary" citizen.

Dumbasses.