Local Frat Boy Accidentally Date Rapes Self
 

LOCAL FRAT BOY ACCIDENTALLY DATE RAPES SELF

Boulder, CO - Local fraternity brother Doug Hansen, of Kappa Alpha Lambda, made a regrettable move yesterday at McFlannery's, a popular college hang-out and meat market. Despite his track record of successful date rapes, Hansen's own magic worked against him as he accidentally slipped himself a Ruphenol tablet, better known as "Rufies." Nearly half an hour after accidentally ingesting the drug, Hansen lost consciousness and would later wake up in shock in his own bed.

"It was so humiliating," Hansen said shakingly, while wrapped in a blanket at the Kappa house this morning. "I'm so ashamed of myself, I'm usually so responsible. I just don't know what to think. Everyone's gonna think I'm a total slut." According to Hansen's own testimony, he took himself back to his frat house after losing consciousness and coerced himself into having sex. Due to Ruphenol's hypnotic, inhibition-eliminating effects, Hansen barely remembers consenting to the vicious assault.

Hansen's friends have gone on a crusade around the University of Colorado campus, posting flyers that explicitly finger Hansen as a notorious date-rapist. "I would just like to live in a city where we didn't have to worry about sexual predators," Tim Barrington, Hansen's fraternity brother commented. "I think the whole town needs to know about this scumbag. Doug never did anything to deserve this. It's not his fault."

:eek7

wtf ?

gotta love it :)

the onion?

:helpme

:helpme

please make it stop.

A well known rapist and he is still walking free? :eek7 :mad:

the shame!

To the idiot or idiots involved in writing that article I would say date rape is nothing to joke about.

:1orglaugh

damn frat boys.

We can help you. For example... you start by introducing yourself to the group by saying "hello group, I am CDSmith and i was date raped" ... then try to tell your story. We promise to be good listeners.

i just woke up, and that was one confusing ass story to read... i think i need to re-read it after some breakfast

somebody help this guy!:(

:stoned

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh



Maybe that's why he's such a little bitch!

haha, wtf

It sure does smell like an onion story. :1orglaugh

that was my first thought as well

WTF? That story was really odd...

:stoned

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh

Speaking of The Onion:
http://www.theonion.com/news/index.php?issue=4017&n=3

these guys kill me....

Nice!:1orglaugh

:thumbsup

:helpme

Fucken Frat boys!!!!!

Sadly enough i was once slipped a Rufie!!! I was with my girlfriend at USC...... we were drinking hanging out and just chillin, next thing i know i wake up at my house in my bed. i was like WTF happend. its like on moment your talking and the next thing u know its like ur sleeping. luckly my girlfriend was with me and she noticed that i looked spaced out and immediately took my keys and drove me home. thank budda she was with me, god knows what would have happend. theres nothing worse than a rich kid with nothing better to do...... :(

yeah that's such an onion story heh

doesnt seem like a real story.

who's the source? (sorry if its posted above and i missed it)

the reason i think its crap is because it says his "friends" are telling everyone he is a rapist? are they his friends? id consider them ex friends...maybe even consider the local womens group even less friendly.

haha..

:helpme

hahahah

The Onion is my favorite news source.

when rich kids do shit like this is 'oh they're just being kids'

poor kid do shit like this 'oh lock em' up they're animals'

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh

:helpme

Date Rape Lyrics
Artist: Sublime

Let me tell you about a girl I know
had a drink about an hour ago.
Sitting in a corner by herself in a bar in downtown Hell.
She heard a noise and she looked through the door.
And saw a man she'd never seen before.
Light skin light blue eyes a double chin and a plastic smile.
Well her eyebrow raised as he walked through the door
And took an empty seat next to her at the bar.
"My brand new car is parked right outside. How'd ya like to go for a ride?"
And she said."Wait a minute I have to think."
He said, "That's fine. May I please buy you a drink"
One drink turned into 3 or 4 and they left and got into his car
and they drove away someplace real far.

Now babe the time has come.
How'd ya like to have a little fun?
And she said." If we could only please be on our way, I will not run."

That's when things got out of control.
She didn't want to, he had his way.
She said, "Let's Go"
He said, "No Way!"
Come on babe it's your lucky day.
Shut your mouth, were gonna do it my way.
Come on baby don't be afraid,
if it wasn't for date rape I'd never get laid.

He finished up and he started the car
He turned around and drove back to the bar.
He said."Now baby don't be sad, in my opinion you weren't half-bad."
She picked up a rock.,threw it at the car, hit him in the head, now his got a big scar.
Come on party people won't you listen to me.
Date Rape Stylie.

The next day she went to her drawer, looked up her local attorney at law,
went to the phone and filed the police report and then she took the guy's ass to court.
Well, the day he stood in front of the judge he screamed, " She lies that little slut!"
The judge knew that he was full of shit and he gave him 25 years
And now his heart is filled with tears.

That night in jail it was getting late.
He was butt-raped by a large inmate, and he screamed.
But the guards paid no attention to his cries.

That's when things got out of control.
The moral of the date rape story, it does not pay to be drunk and horny.
But that's the way it had to be.
They locked him up and threw away the key.
Well, I can't take pity on men of his kind,
even though he now takes it in the behind.

That's the way it had to be.
They locked him up and threw away the key.
Well, I can't take pity on men of his kind,
even though he now takes it in the behind.

DATE RAPE

She didn't want to TAKE IT!