went into a bipolar rage again today
 

and it completely ruined what should have been a nice simple day at the beach.

instead everyone involved is pissed off, yelling, not talking, packing bags, leaving, etc.....




and so, I bury myself in work yet again to escape it all.








ain't life fucking wonderful. :ak47:

fubar...I feel your pain brother. Momma NEVER said there'd be days like this...

:Oh crap

Have you tried booze? Always makes me happy

it was a nice day today....a little humid

AMP.... I've been where you are.
Try different meds dude they DO and CAN help you. They helped me.

Shitty.. :(

just when I start thinking I can control this shit, it bitchslaps me again and makes it painfully obvious that I can't.



three days till the dose doubles again, and another session with the shrink.


not saying fuck it just yet..... but I'm close. If this fucker can't help me strap this shit down soon, I'm gonna first find someone else that can, then I'm gonna go back and kill his family, his dog, all his friends, his fucking parrot, and piss on his living room carpet.

Good times Bro, good times.

I thought you were on some medication to balance that out bud?

What happened? Did you stop taking em?

what the fuck are you doing flipping out on the beach - GFY is your flip out place. WE WANT that action. We're your theorpy.

still takin' 'em..... the shit ain't working yet.

that will never happen again.


I may not have control over much, but that much I do..... and I guarantee, you have seen the last of me wiggin' out on the board.

I will smash my fucking computers before I go through that shit again.

Better tell your doc that they arent working yet.
You may need to be moved to something else?

What you on? Zoloft?

i don't how to feel. i loved watching you rant - it was classic GFY, but as a friend i know some of it did hurt you and i don't want to see you in pain or trouble.

I have a friend like you. He has ruined more good times than I can count. At least you are trying to get better. Sadly he is not and he wonders why no one invites him out with us.

`A`ohe hua o ka mai`a i ka lâ ho`okahi.

Mahalo

Lamotrigine. Seizure meds. It takes at least a month & a half to get up to the full dose. I'm not even halfway there yet.

:glugglug Hope you get better soon..

Whoever is treating you with Lamotrigine must feel you are in the depressed end of your diagnosis. If they haven't already told you, don't take acetaminophen (Tylenol) while on it.

AHHH LAMICTAL..

Intresting route..

There are many other routes, intesting route your doc took..

Man, its gotta suck to wait for results.

Suprised he didnt want to go more mainstream.

Just keep em posted and for sure let em know that you still feel like shit and still have these inner battles.

Or alcohol bud..

:(

I honestly can't say why he chose Lamotrigine..... he's probably explained it to me and I didn't pay attention..... but he & I both know, I'm ultra rapid cycle. I may wake up depressed, and by noon be the only living genius, and by 3pm, be in a full on rage in the middle of the street.

I'm taking his word for it that he actually knows what he's doing, though I'm beginning to have my doubts.

However, he did say more than once, that Lamotrigine takes patience, and he also commented that I seem to have the patience of a fucking rock.

So, for now I just gotta eat it, and hold out..... and hope that eventually this shit works. Cuz if it doesn't, I don't think I can donate another 2 months to "try" something else....

i need this fucking shit fixed, yesterday.

rock the ganja and chill the fuck out man. go get a full body massage tomorrow.

I wouldn't smoke that shit if you paid me.

Sure.. and he still does not sound like Amp to me.
:2 cents:

I really don't think there's a quick fix, cure-all. Often those who rapid cycle take a combination of meds to bring the manic side down and keep the depressed side at bay. One of the bes t things you can do at the onset, is to let the people around you know what you're dealing with and that the fact you are working on managing it and that because of that you ask for their patience in the meantime. Often it's a good thing for a spouse or SO to get a bit of counseling..more for coping methods than anything else.

There are a several people over the years that I've known who were bi-polar. It's can be very frustrating to the person with it and to those around them. It honestly helps if the people close to you are well-versed in what is happening.

And if you aren't seeing good results in a few months with this doc... do please seek out another to get their opinions of his course of treatment.

any resource site about bipolar ? What's the difference between bipolar and depression?

Search google..

Depression is just one end of being bipolar...and there is a wide range of degrees..

"Manic-depressive illness (MDI) is one of the most common, severe, and persistent mental illnesses. It is characterized by periods of deep, prolonged, and profound depression that alternate with periods of excessively elevated and/or irritable mood known as mania. The symptoms of mania include a decreased need for sleep, pressured speech, increased libido, reckless behavior without regard for consequences, grandiosity, and severe thought disturbances, which may or may not include psychosis. Between these highs and lows, patients usually experience periods of higher functionality and can lead a productive life. MDI is a serious lifelong struggle and challenge (Bowden, 2003).

MDI has been recognized for a long time. Hippocrates described patients as "amic" and "melancholic." In 1899, Emil Kraepelin defined MDI. He noted that persons with this problem did not suffer the deterioration and dementia associated with schizophrenia.

MDI constitutes one pole of a spectrum of mood disorders including bipolar I (BPI), bipolar II (BPII), cyclothymia (oscillating high and low moods), and major depression. BPI also is referred to as classic manic-depression, characterized by distinct episodes of major depression contrasting vividly with episodes of mania, which lead to severe impairment of function. In comparison, BPII is a milder disorder consisting of depression alternating with periods of hypomania. Hypomania may be thought of as a less severe form of mania that does not include psychotic symptoms or lead to major impairment of social or occupational function."

in the meantime... shouting "Serenity Now!!!" or a punching bag should work wonders... :thumbsup

Amp - be careful with all the stuff these docs prescribe. I really think some of these high powered drugs make things worse, not better.

Have you considered doing more of a holistic / alternative approach?

take medication it works for almost everyone

I think bipolar is you have Ups and downs.. Hyper... then depressed... You should watch some Oprah dude... :Graucho

yes.... tried that over the last year. Thought I could "handle it".

I was fucking wrong.


I'm way beyond that bro. I'm full-on ranting in the street. A few weeks ago I was gonna burn down my own house and go feed myself to the sharks.

"Alternative" approaches aren't going to work with me braddah. I need heavy drugs or I'm GOING to hurt somebody.

thats b.s. he needs some serious anti bi-polar or even pyschotic medication

lithium etc.

try the polar drugs first because the pyschotic ones effect you forever when you stop taking them

If you need specific drugs contact me i know what they are, almost like a doc, i've been on quite a few in my day.

From what I understand about lithium, it's not the best thing for rapid cyclers and it's not to be used long-term.

Depakote might be a possible alternative if what he's ramping up now doesn't fly well.

You are the fucking man! Going up against this head to head. And doing so publicly. You're very much to be respected.

just do what I do :D dont visit anyone, ever ... every since 10 months ago when I flipped and set someones hair on fire and tore a section outta someones wall I've kept myself away from people 24/7 ... works out pretty good :Graucho

isnt that known to cause liver damage in some people?

yes, I remember he said that.... he says Lithium is excellent stuff, but doesn't help with rapid cyclers, and expecially not with ultra-rapid cyclers.

probably has something to do with the Lamotrigine decision. I don't know..... I'm learning as I go here.

I just wish this fucking insanity would stop for a week or two.

I'm so fucking pissed off right now I'm ready to grind my teeth right out of my fucking head.

and I don't know why.

I don't know what it's like to go through what you're going through. But one thing that really can help is to simply relax and take some very deep breaths. Get away from the computer. Breathe deeply. Close your eyes. Envision breathing out the anger. I know it sounds weird, but it just may work.

GFY isn't the place to be in that mood, no matter how well intentioned the people posting to you.

Have you seen the doc enough yet to get some ideas of things you might could do while ramping up? One of my friends took up running..and I mean running.. lots of it..another one actually put a speedbag and a heavy bag in his basement and would punch away on them. Both of them were on the violent end of things when depressed.

My :2 cents:

If you have tried alternative and it didn't work, you need a new homeopath. They prescribe shit that kills sexual desire, so this is not necessarily a big deal. Only deal with registered homeopaths. Not sure what Hawa'ii has but in Vermont these guys must be licensed like MDs. If you get the right homeopath, they will not only give you stuff that fixes things but recognize when they need "western medicine."

Acupuncture does wonders - trust me on that. It takes a week or two for some people, I saw differences in just a few sessions. For things like anxiety and I presume manic/depressive behavior it works. Wonderfully. Killed my panic attacks.

Prescription stuff I've tried - all of it, for every situation - is worse than the situation at best. Nothing like getting prescribed something to put on my gums for dental pain which wasn't supposed to be taken internally, puked my guts out for an entire night. And if I believe my doctor - well his intern, they never show the actual doctor most times - Prozac is like the lottery. Fixes everything. Nope, I stick with homeopaths 100%. Fixed every problem I went to them with.

If you like ICQ me 92621328 and I will ask my personal homeopath if he can recommend someone decent in your area. It works, but you need to know someone reliable first. I haven't talked with you much but you strike me from your posts as a decent, nice person with a lot of heart and spirit.

best of luck-
-doug

(this is killing me to type this, but I'm gonna do it anyway in the name of progress if nothing else)

I'm sure you guys mean well.... and I thank you for your insight...



but I just forced myself to fill out my fucking chart again for the day and swallow 2 more stinking pills, and now I think I've hit the point that I'm so fucking mad that if I continue here, I'm gonna go nuclear.


so, like I said earlier, I'm not gona allow that to happen again, so I'm shutting down. I need to just go and be pissed off and wait it out. Because the next fucking thing out of my mouth (keyboard) is gonna be FUCK YOU!





i gotta go now.

thanks a lot PK, great info.

Hippocrates described patients as "amic" and "melancholic." I'm familiar with melancholism in a degree.

It's a frequently seen disorder, that's for sure. I have rapid ups and downs too (most people i guess they have), but not in a degree that it causes me problem.

I found this site that has a lot of info and it's a reliable source
http://www.nimh.nih.gov/publicat/bipolar.cfm

I'm always positive and without knowing everything about bipolar disorder I can see if you manage to control it in a degree you can be more creative and active than the average person.You all have heard of the nobel prize winner John Nash. He lives with an advanced schizophrenia and till few years ago he was giving lectures in universities. Amp, I think what DonovanPhillips is the best right now. Take care.