My friend has been married for 4 years (+kid), today he told me...
 

"Don't ever ever ever get married. Live free"

I've known this guy since we were 8. sounds like solid advice

did he give you a reason for saying that

That is what I'm hearing from all the older guys I respect that appear to be happily married and prosperous. The only guy I've met who extolls the matrimonial state is a religious fanatic and a pastor in this really right wing protestant church. And even he is looking frazzled from dealing with his eldest daughter lately.


The untold secret of most happily married men:

They have to appear happy, because they're terrified that if they don't, they'll end up divorced and lose their kids, their stuff, and their lives.

There's a quote by somebody that "most men lead lives of quiet desperation." I can't think of how better to describe being a married man.

How old is he?

Apparently he married the wrong person. Sure lots of people can say marriage sucks, but most oftentimes it's that they chose the wrong mate, not that the state of marriage is a bad thing at all.

haha so true i hear this often..it's a million in one shot you'll be happy married...i will get married just so i won't be lonely..i'll give another 15 years then i get hicthed

Every marriage has it's ups and downs, including GREAT marriages!

Your buddy probably had a bad day/week/month and passed on his feelings at that time...

I'm married and very happy!

Today is my 6th wedding anniversary! My wife is getting ready for our evening out now!

"Marriage" is what you make of it: either a silly symbolic thing to make your parents happy OR a wholesome sacrament. I take the former... why begrudge the folks of an open bar and a chance to hang out wasted with all your boys?

Kids are the problem, not marriage. It's easy to split up if you don't have dirty rugrats involved.

Weddings are a joke. The people telling each other they will blah blah blah until death do us part, LOL at that.


How many marriages fail? 50%?


People get married and have children waaaaay too soon.

I have yet to meet anyone who has found this elusive "right woman"

I've been hearing alot of decent from married guys, but they never actually say it, they just pussyfoot around the subject. you bring up the subject of marriage and they get this dead look in their eyes like someone just sucked their soul.
they'll say someting like "yeah man... it's hard... it's not what you think... I dunno maybe I... never mind"

At least my friend had the balls to come clean.


He's 32.

I went to a wedding last weekend


She's 22
He's 36 ( or 34, I forget )


He:

No driver's license
No car
No job
Broke
Super controlling

She:

Wealthy
Has a job
Works hard




Hahahaha... she's like a deer in headlights

let me guess..she's white, he's black :winkwink:

LOL

I've been married twice. Once in my 20's and once in my 30's. I'm now single again and have a fantastic son from my 2nd marriage. I doubt I'll ever get married again.

I'll put it this way. Marriage will completely transform your life. I think for 99% of the people it turns out to be an adventure they didn't quite expect.

The main problem is when you are dating someone you have the time to yourself in the relationship. When you get married its usually 24/7 you're around each other and all of a sudden you see things in your partner that you never saw before. Little habits, mood swings, etc. This is what inevitably creates the friction that starts to build and build.

Another thing is the routine factor. Once you get married you both develop daily routines. After a while, unless you really make an effort to keep things new and exciting, for most couples things start to get boring.

But what else can you expect? You do anything in life over and over and the excitement of it fades after a while.

This is one of the same reasons when you get wealthy you eventually reach the day when you've bought all the toys, and you look in the mirror and you say "Now what?". You have to work to find things that will keep you excited. Same with your marriage.

Also you have the hormone thing. I don't know what the hell it is, but in both my marriages my wives got way way moodier over the years. My 2nd wife was a gem until she got into her late 30's and was approaching 40. Her whole personality just went 180 degrees and she became very difficult to live with and communicate with.

I'm a super easy going person and can't deal with people who get moody, bitchy, whiny, all the time. So when you marry someone and they are sweet and nice and then turn into nightmares you wake up just wishing that you'd never got married.

Marriage also restricts you if you like being with a variety of women. Most guys have this problem and end up cheating or the women cheat on them.

So bottom line its very complex when you get married. I don't recommend it until you're in your 30's at least and are in a more settled down mode.

When you have kids it really complicates the issue. Now even if you get divorced you have to still have a daily relationship with your ex-wife. Sometimes that can be a nightmare. I was lucky because my ex and I get along better than ever now.

Yes, but most people have an unrealistic view of relationships in general... They think happily ever after and everything should be perfect. ANY relationship is a two-way street, and oftentimes once people say "I do", they think that should be the end of it and that's the beginning of the communication breakdown. Couples that stop talking to each other and just think marriage is the answer are going to fail, period. They aren't going to be happy, they aren't going to be anything but miserable. Those couples who keep talking are the ones who are happy when all is said and done. Not only that, but having a relationship with a strong basis of friendship and not just a "Oh I'm in love with you" definitely makes it easier to weather through the bad times.

My Aunt Lydia and Uncle Gust were married for *70* years, and to hear them you'd think they were fighting all the time. But you ask him and he would tell you to his dying day that she was the ultimate woman for him, and she would say the same of him. Their love was genuine and lasting. When I asked her why once, she said to me "Because we can both take a joke, honey". Friendship, comprimise, willingness to try, all elements of a lasting relatinoship that 90% of people today are too dumb or too selfish to attempt. Far too easy to just throw a marriage away, right?

No, this time she's asian he's white.



At the wedding, the bride had some cute friends and one nasty looking fat friend there. The groom's friends were also unemployed, broke ass bums. One of them is like "Yeah I'm going to score tonight with someone"


He took the huge fatty back to his room after the first round of free cheap white wine.


Fuuuuuuck, sad.

How old were you and your bride at your first marriage?

I have been happily married for almost 15 years, to my best friend in the world (and the best piece of ass to boot :Graucho). We were pretty much high school sweethearts. We have a great kid (10 year old son), and have no complaints!

:thumbsup

Thanx for heads-up:glugglug

yea sounds like solid voice......

Never married and I just broke 40.

Haven't found some one thats after a few years didnt drive me nuts.

No regrets at all.

Married men need some time with the boys. A trip to the pub every couple of days or for a while after work shouldn't be too much to ask at all.

Of course I think I've gone out with my best friends maybe 3 times in the 9 months I've been with my lady friend. And that can only happen when she's at work.

My father has been married to my mother for over 25 years now . And they are a happy couple and they still love each other . You just have to wait till you find the right person . The girl I live with right now turned down 3 guys that wanted to fiance her ! lol

Your friend is a piece of shit husband for putting his personal business on shout by telling you. Do the guy and his family a favor and STFU about it. The quickest way to lose this guy as a friend is to disrespect his family by talking their personal business all over.:2 cents:

Been married 20 years last November. My girl is still hotter than any model I ever shot, still 105 lbs. like the day we were married, still more fun to be around that anyone else and my sun rises and sets by her.

You just have to choose wisely.

I agree with that

If DarkJedi's friend is warning him not to get married, don't you think his friend would want to warn other people?



Ball and chain, ball and chain. :(

I've been telling people this for years.

It is very solid advice.

marriage sucks sometimes
but what doesnt

get to know the person really wel..spend years living together and see if its really for you.... i think you need more than a year or two to really get to know someone

I could not be happier being married to LadyM, I guess we're an exception and not the norm. Perfect woman? I'm not sure if she's perfect, but she's damn perfect for me.

:2 cents:

I think his mistake was in choosing whom to trust. Everyone needs to be able to talk about their life. It was his job to pick trustworthy people that actually cared about him. Not people who will listen with glee imagining how they can get attention to themselves by gossiping about it. Maybe his advice to not get married was less about his own marriage and more about his knowledge of darkJedi's personality. I am neither for or against marriage, but I can look at my friends and family and tell you who has the personality / dispostion to be married and who doesn't. If I say this to one of them , I am not making a judgement on the institution of marriage.. I am speaking from my knowledge of them.

I've heard this sentence so many times...

my parents are going through a divorce at the moment and it looks like my dad is going to get fucking in the arse. its made me think twice for sure.

You friend has been married for four years and tells you never to get married and to "live free".

I've been married for four years, and with my wife for the six years prior to that. Here's my advice about marriage: MARRY THE FRIGHT FUCKING PERSON.

Married life is great. She backs me in every aspect of my life, from jobs to college to the porn industry. She never says no to me. We have sex every night, sometimes two or three times a day - and we still find new things to do (like last night!).

We also never ever argue. Some people think this is unhealthy. If we disagree about something, we quickly backoff and go in different directions, and dicuss it later with cool heads.

Marriage is one of the very most important decisions that you will make in your life, and some people make these decisions spur of the moment.

When your going to marry someone, you need to ask yourself who your spouse will be in ten/twenty/thirty years. If you don't know the answer to that question - walk away now.

Those are the rules I live by! :) I've seen tooooo many marriages get fucked up and it all started when they got married! :(

jDoG

there should be a law that you have to live together for at least a year before you get married or have kids. I wouldn't even contemplate it in two. I've been with my partner for almost 10 years now and im getting slightly partial to the idea.

The "being with someone" for the rest of your life is a religious thing. I don't think human beings are meant to stay together for the rest of their life.

Statistics show that almost 50% of all marriages fail.

I think his wife is not the "one". that's why
he advises you not to marry. But how can
you enjoy the blessing of being a parent?

That is whacked out

The grass is always greener on the other side.

:thumbsup

The other morning I was sitting at the cafe having breakfast, and I saw this young couple trying to get their two young kids into the car. They had all this shit like prams, matching little baby bags with all that baby stuff in them, and I watched them get into the car and drive off kind of solemnly. They both looked trapped, and kind of dead inside. It was kind of an epiphany, it made me realise that that's what I absolutely don't want. I want to be free to have adventures, not have the next 20 years of my life stretching ahead of me as an endless chasm of tedium and "quiet desperation."

lol... it took him 4 years to figure that out?

i will NEVER get married... there is just no point in it for me unless you want to have kids... and i dont want kids... ive heard countless COUNTLESS countless tales of how guys i know were dating these girls and oh man the girl was so cool, never hassled them... never bugged them over petty shit or anything and then they got married and they notice the changes INSTANTLY... shit i remember on my cousins wedding night when his wife let the bitch out for the 1st time... girls know how to play the game until they get what they want because they know that after they get that ring on their finger that they will be in the drivers seat... ive seen a lot of married couples and 90% of the time the guys are pussywhipped big time, 9% of the time the guys are in the drivers seat and are "abusive" white trash dirtbag bums, and the other 1% are people who are happily married

there are people who have great marriages but they are in a tiny minority... 60% of married people get divorced, the ones that stick together just tolerate eachother for the most part because they fear divorce and property loss

anyway theres just no reason for people to get married... its just something society pushes on people... you can have just about everything you have being married without getting married... you really dont gain anything by being married other than the risk of losing a lot of money and property if you get divorced... ive heard the argument that "when people are married they have so much more at stake so they really work harder to make things work"... i say bullshit: when you are married you work just hard enough to keep things going because you are trapped... when you are unmarried i think you work harder to keep someone

anyway im fuckin drunk and probably off on 12 different tangents so ill stop now

Been living with my other half over 6 years now and things are great.

Yet I have friends that have gone through husbands like underwear, its silly.

Remember this.... She gets half!

I've been married for about 8 years with kids and I'd say the same. People get married for the pressure put on them or because it is the right thing to do or because they don't want to be lonely.

I have to admit I do miss the days when I didn't have these responsibilites.

damn.... lots of good comments

my friend who is 22 told me today he plans to propose to his girlfriend of 3 years soon, and possibly get married next year. I think he's nuts.

couldn't have said it better. everytime I see screaming 3 year olds in the mall, I thank god thats not me having to deal with it every day.

Sure live it up for a while. But there is a time to get married. You obviously havent felt the right feeling yet. Maybe the time will come for you one day.