This finally in: Singles personal ads translation
 

HOW TO TRANSLATE PERSONAL ADS:

WOMEN' S ADS:
40-ish....................................49
Adventurer..........................Slept with all your friends
Athletic................................No tits
Average looking......................Has a face like a basset hound
Beautiful................................Pathologi cal liar
Contagious Smile....................Does a lot of Ecstasy
Educated..............................Banged her Political Science professor
Emotionally Secure..................Medicated
Feminist............................... Fat ball buster
Free spirit.............................Junkie
Friendship first.........................Trying to live down reputation as a slut
Fun..................................Annoying
Gentle..................................Comatose
Good Listener........................Borderline Autistic
New-Age.............................All body hair, all the time
Old-fashioned.......................Lights out, missionary position only, no BJ's
Open-minded..........................Desperate
Outgoing.............................Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate............................Sloppy drunk
Poet.......................................Depress ive Schizophrenic
Professional............................Certified Bitch
Redhead.................................Bad dye-job (Hey, watch out!)
Reubenesque...........................Grossly Fat
Romantic..............................Looks better by candle light
Social............Has been passed around like an hors d'oeuvres tray
Voluptuous...........................Very Fat
Height/weight proportional.......Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate......................Stalker
Widow.............................Drove first husband to shoot himself
Young at heart.......................Old bat


MEN'S ADS:
40-ish...................................52 and looking for 25-yr-old
Athletic.................................Watches a lot of NASCAR
Average looking.........Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, & back
Educated............................Will patronize the hell out of you
Free Spirit............................Banging your sister
Friend ship first.................As long as friendship involves nookie
Fun...............................Good with a remote and a six pack
Good looking.........................Arrogant
Very good looking....................Dumb as a board
Honest....................................Patholog ical Liar
Huggable.......................Overweight, more body hair than a bear
Likes to cuddle........................Insecure mama's boy
Mature..................................Older than your father
Open-minded...........Wants to sleep with your roommate if she's interested
Physically fit...........................Does a lot of 12-oun ce curls
Poet.....................Wrote ex-girlfriend's phone number on a bathroom stall
Sensitive..................................Cries at chick flicks
Very sensitive...........................Gay
Spiritual.................................Got laid in a cemetery once
Stable........................Arrested for stalking, but not convicted
Thoughtful....................Says "Excuse me" when he farts

:1orglaugh so true