GoFuckYourself.com - Adult Webmaster Forum - White House To Seek Ban On Gay Sex On The Moon

Since Bush Says we are going back to the moon,,,He wants to ban gay sex there.

White House To Seek Ban On Gay Sex On The Moon

By REUTERS

Filed at 1:07 p.m. ET 02/26/04

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Worried by flagging poll numbers, a deteriorating situation in Iraq, and a sluggish economy, President Bush called on Congress today to approve a constitutional amendment that would ban gay sex on the Moon. Republican leaders hailed the move as a bold step to unite the country in a bold and forward-looking strategy to spread family values across the solar system, and protect the legacy of the Apollo missions.

"This is an excellent idea, simply excellent," said house Majority Leader Tom DeLay. "I remember the Apollo missions, and the incredible spirit of national pride and the interest in science and our amazing universe that it created. All the kids in the neighborhood wanted to be astronauts. It was like a Tom Hanks movie. And, looking for the first time at a man in an air-tight bunny suit walking around the antiseptic, cratered, lifeless surface of that blasted orb, I knew I wanted to grow up to be an exterminator. But all these beautiful dreams would be destroyed forever if some gay people got up there and had sex. I think we'd just have to blow up the Moon or something."

Others were more effusive in their praise. "This amendment is the best idea I've ever heard!" exclaimed Senator Rick Santorum. "Not only does it ban gay people from having sex on the Moon, but it also provides for automatic funding for manned space exploration every year. We can use this money to build a base on Mars - a 'Faith-Base', if you will. I've been really inspired by all the great stuff we've been learning about Mars from that little RC car we've got up there, about how it has water and maybe even life and whatnot. But it got me thinking: what if some of that Mars life turns out to be gay? We can't have that. Over millions and millions of years of evolution, through the gradual build-up of tiny genetic mutations filtered through the constantly-changing conditions of natural selection, it could evolve into something that has sex with dogs." And in a show of bipartisan support, Georgia Democrat Zell Miller put on his lucky pair of Uncle Jesse-style overalls and sang a song praising the President's leadership and vision, accompanying himself by stroking his filthy fingernail rhythmically on an old-timey washing board.

Since NASA would be charged with enforcing the provisions of the amendment, significant changes to be made in the way that agency would be managed to ensure that it adhered to the strictest standards of hetrosexuality. All NASA employees would be required to sign statements certifying their exclusive attraction to people of the opposite gender, and would be subject to random straightness screenings. Employees would also be forbidden from making puns based on the word "moon"'s colloquial use as a synonym for "bare bottom", and all Moon-bound rockets would be emblazoned with the legend "This Is NOT A Phallic Symbol". Naturally, the people who flew in those rockets could no longer be referred to as "astronauts".

Reactions from the Democratic side was less positive. Several lawmakers questioned the usefulness of such a program while the country was facing 1/2 trillion dollar yearly deficits, and many were skeptical of the economic feasibility of paying for the large expenditures required for the space missions by abolishing taxes for people making over $1 million a year. White House spokesman Scott McClellan dismissed these complaints as "political hate speech". "It is clear some people would like to twist the facts for political advantage, but this bold move by the President makes it clear to the American people that the President and his allies in Congress are fully committed to kow-towing to right wing extremists in order to maintain our grip on power. I'm sorry, did I say 'kow-towing to right wing extremists in order to maintain our grip on power'? I meant 'defeating terrorism'."