You ever change the words to Christmas carols?
 

I do.



"Deck... my balls with boughs of HOL-LY, fa-la-la-la-laa, la-la-la-LAAA
Tis... the sea-son to do HOL-LY, fa-la-la-la-laa, la-la-la-LAAA"
(I once knew a girl named Holly)



"We're walk-in' a-round, stumbling on the ground
walkin' in our winter under-WEARRR"



"Chil-dren roasting on an open fire..."



Got any good ones?

"Slave bells ring
Are you listening?
Screams in pain
It's masochistic
A beautiful sight
she's in pain tonight
Writhing in a dungeon wonderland."


Sorry.....

:glugglug

Yeah, I sometimes have too much time on my hands. So?



Dash-ing through the snoww
'tween a one whore's o-pen legs
'oer the bed we gooo
bouncing all the WAYYY"





Tala.... I lika dat one. :thumbsup

Good one Tala :thumbsup

From one of my "joke guys"....


'Twas the night before Christmas,
and Geez it was neat,
The kids were both gone,
and my wife was in heat.
The doors were all bolted,
and the phone was off the hook,
It was time for some nooky,
by hook or by crook.
Momma in her teddy,
and I am in the nude,
Had just hit the bedroom
and reached for the lube.
When out on the lawn there arose such a cry,
That I lost my boner and poor momma went dry.
Up to the window I sprang like an elf,
Tore back the shade while she played with herself.
The moon on the crest of the snowman we'd built,
Showed a broom up his ass,
clean up to the hilt.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer.
With a fat little driver,
half out of his sled,
A sock in his ear,
and a bra on his head.
Sure as I'm speaking,
he was as high as a kite.
And he yelled to his team,
but it didn't sound right.
Whoa Shithead, whoa Asshole, whoa Stupid, whoa Putz,
Either slow down this rig or I'll cut off your nuts.
Look out for the lamp post,
and don't hit the tree,
Quit shaking the sleigh,
'cause I gotta go pee.
They cleared the old lamp post,
the tree got a rub,
Just as Santa leaned out
and threw up on my shrub.
And then from the roof we heard such a clatter,
As each little reindeer now emptied his bladder.
I was donning my jacket to cover my ass,
When down the chimney Santa came with a crash.
His suit was all smelly with perfume galore,
He looked like a bum and he smelled like a whore.
"That was some brothel," he said with a smile,
"The reindeer are pooped, and I'll just stay here awhile.
He walked to the kitchen, himself poured a drink,
Then whipped out his pecker and pissed in the sink.
I started to laugh, my wife smiled with glee,
The old boy was hung nearly down to his knee.
Back in the den, Santa reached in his sack,
But his toys were all gone, and some new things were packed. The first
thing he found was a pair of false tits, The next was a handgun with a
penis that spits. A box filled with condoms was Santa's next find, And a
six pair of panties, the edible kind. A bra without nipples, a penis
extension, And several other things that I shouldn't even mention. A
cock ring, a G-string, and all types of oil, A dildo so long, it lay in
a coil. "This stuff ain't for kids, Mrs. Santa will shit, So I'll leave
'em here, and then I'll just split." He filled every stocking and then
took his leave, With one tiny butt plug tucked under his sleeve. He
sprang to his sleigh, but his feet were like lead, Thus he fell on his
ass and broke wind instead. In time he was seated, took the reins of his
hitch, Saying, "Take me home Rudolph, this night's been a bitch!" The
sleigh was near gone when we heard Santa shout, "The best thing about
sex is that it never wears out!"

Thank you. :)


O shaving cream
O shaving cream
How lovely is your lather.

O shaving cream
O shaving cream
How lovely is your lather.

To paint her snatch
With loving care
And make the look
of underwear

O shaving cream
O shaving cream
How lovely is your lather

She shaves you off
so carefully
How I love
my bare baby

O shaving cream
O shaving cream
How lovely is your lather.

:eek7

What? :glugglug

Good one.

How about

Jingle bell
Jingle bell
Jingle bell cock
with a cock ring and a toe ring
Hoes are all lines up in their scanty clothes
now the jingle cok has to throb


pfft!

Some people just don't get the whole "fetish Christmas" thing.

Circa 2nd grade...

Jingle bells
Batman smells
Robin laid an egg
Batmobile lost a wheel
and Joker got away!

'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house,
everyone felt shitty, even the mouse!

Dad at the whore house, Mom smoking grass,
and I just settled down for a nice piece of ass.

Then out on the lawn there rose such a clatter,
I sprang from my piece to see what was the matter.

He came down the chimney like a bat out of hell,
I knew in an instant that fat fucker fell.

He filled all the stockings with pretzels and beer,
and a big rubber dick for my brother the queer.

He rose up the chimney with one great big fart,
that fat mother fucker tore my chimney apart!

He swore and he cursed as he flew out of sight,
"Piss on you all and have one hell of a night."

BTW, I didn't write that one, my friend had it on a Christmas card when I was in 8th grade. LOL

Yeh, tonight driving in the car behind so many loser drivers.

I got sick of hearing Christmas songs on every station too so
I was singing Oh Christmas tree, Oh Christmas to the words,

Go Fuck Yourself, Go Fuckyourself . . . .


:1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh

Oh, this one was from fourth grade:

Deck the halls with gasoline,
Fa-la-la-la-la la-la la la.

Strike a match and watch it gleam.
Fa-la-la-la-la la-la la la.

Watch the school burn down to ashes!
Fa-la-la-la-la la-la la la.

Aren't you glad you played with matches?
Fa-la-la-la-la la-la la la.

Redneck Christmas....


Fill the house with jubilation!
fa la la la la la la la la
Billy Bob is on probation
Fa la la la la la la la la
Ellie slept with brother Chester!
Fa la la la la la la la la
Now she's in her 3rd trimester
Fa la la la la la la la la
Give a cheer--we're all together
Fa la la la la la la la la
Claire is into whips and leather
Fa la la la la la la la la
Roy has formed his own militia
Fa la la la la la la la la
Clem's a pimp for cousin Tricia
Fa la la la la la la la la
gather round and give a blessing
Fa la la la la la la la la
Uncle Fred is still cross-dressing
Fa la la la la la la la la
Jeff is on the floor with Donna
Fa la la la la la la la la
Stoned on home-grown marijuana
Fa la la la la la la la la
Join our Christmas celebration--
Fa la la la la la la la la
Make our house your destination--
Fa la la la la la la la la
Every year's a real hum-dinger--
Fa la la la la la la la la
Cacth us soon on Jerry Springer
Fa la la la la la la la la

Dashing through the snow
In a 4 door chevrolet
o'er the curbs we go
cussin all the way

I can't find the brake
blue lights are in my mirror
I find the clutch and hit fifth gear
as the the cops are coming near!

Fucking pigs, fuckin pigs
They're every fuckin where
hiding on the on ramps
and behind the billboard there

Fuckin pigs, fucking pigs
They're every fucking where
fat old fucks with their doughnuts
and losing all their hair.

Fuck, I'm such a thread killer. :(

By the stats taken from all of the nearly 2,560,000 posts here, I am the biggest thread killer EVER.




btw, that last one of yours was good. Fucking cops.

Thread killers unite!

Glad you liked it. :glugglug