Tell me a story
 

Tell me a good story about anything

bret favre is having a fantasy game

ALCMAN. The mountain pinnacles slumber; valleys, crags and caves are silent.

"LISTEN to me," said the Demon as he placed his hand upon my head. "The region of which I speak is a dreary region in Libya, by the borders of the river Zaire. And there is no quiet there, nor silence.

"The waters of the river have a saffron and sickly hue; and they flow not onwards to the sea, but palpitate forever and forever beneath the red eye of the sun with a tumultuous and convulsive motion. For many miles on either side of the river's oozy bed is a pale desert of gigantic water-lilies. They sigh one unto the other in that solitude, and stretch towards the heaven their long and ghastly necks, and nod to and fro their everlasting heads. And there is an indistinct murmur which cometh out from among them like the rushing of subterrene water. And they sigh one unto the other.

"But there is a boundary to their realm -- the boundary of the dark, horrible, lofty forest. There, like the waves about the Hebrides, the low underwood is agitated continually. But there is no wind throughout the heaven. And the tall primeval trees rock eternally hither and thither with a crashing and mighty sound. And from their high summits, one by one, drop everlasting dews. And at the roots strange poisonous flowers lie writhing in perturbed slumber. And overhead, with a rustling and loud noise, the gray clouds rush westwardly forever, until they roll, a cataract, over the fiery wall of the horizon. But there is no wind throughout the heaven. And by the shores of the river Zaire there is neither quiet nor silence.

"It was night, and the rain fell; and falling, it was rain, but, having fallen, it was blood. And I stood in the morass among the tall and the rain fell upon my head -- and the lilies sighed one unto the other in the solemnity of their desolation.

"And, all at once, the moon arose through the thin ghastly mist, and was crimson in color. And mine eyes fell upon a huge gray rock which stood by the shore of the river, and was lighted by the light of the moon. And the rock was gray, and ghastly, and tall, -- and the rock was gray. Upon its front were characters engraven in the stone; and I walked through the morass of water-lilies, until I came close unto the shore, that I might read the characters upon the stone. But I could not decypher them. And I was going back into the morass, when the moon shone with a fuller red, and I turned and looked again upon the rock, and upon the characters; -- and the characters were DESOLATION.

"And I looked upwards, and there stood a man upon the summit of the rock; and I hid myself among the water-lilies that I might discover the actions of the man. And the man was tall and stately in form, and was wrapped up from his shoulders to his feet in the toga of old Rome. And the outlines of his figure were indistinct -- but his features were the features of a deity; for the mantle of the night, and of the mist, and of the moon, and of the dew, had left uncovered the features of his face. And his brow was lofty with thought, and his eye wild with care; and, in the few furrows upon his cheek I read the fables of sorrow, and weariness, and disgust with mankind, and a longing after solitude.

"And the man sat upon the rock, and leaned his head upon his hand, and looked out upon the desolation. He looked down into the low unquiet shrubbery, and up into the tall primeval trees, and up higher at the rustling heaven, and into the crimson moon. And I lay close within shelter of the lilies, and observed the actions of the man. And the man trembled in the solitude; -- but the night waned, and he sat upon the rock.

"And the man turned his attention from the heaven, and looked out upon the dreary river Zaire, and upon the yellow ghastly waters, and upon the pale legions of the water-lilies. And the man listened to the sighs of the water-lilies, and to the murmur that came up from among them. And I lay close within my covert and observed the actions of the man. And the man trembled in the solitude; -- but the night waned and he sat upon the rock.

"Then I went down into the recesses of the morass, and waded afar in among the wilderness of the lilies, and called unto the hippopotami which dwelt among the fens in the recesses of the morass. And the hippopotami heard my call, and came, with the behemoth, unto the foot of the rock, and roared loudly and fearfully beneath the moon. And I lay close within my covert and observed the actions of the man. And the man trembled in the solitude; -- but the night waned and he sat upon the rock.

"Then I cursed the elements with the curse of tumult; and a frightful tempest gathered in the heaven where, before, there had been no wind. And the heaven became livid with the violence of the tempest -- and the rain beat upon the head of the man -- and the floods of the river came down -- and the river was tormented into foam -- and the water-lilies shrieked within their beds -- and the forest crumbled before the wind -- and the thunder rolled -- and the lightning fell -- and the rock rocked to its foundation. And I lay close within my covert and observed the actions of the man. And the man trembled in the solitude; -- but the night waned and he sat upon the rock.

"Then I grew angry and cursed, with the curse of silence, the river, and the lilies, and the wind, and the forest, and the heaven, and the thunder, and the sighs of the water-lilies. And they became accursed, and were still. And the moon ceased to totter up its pathway to heaven -- and the thunder died away -- and the lightning did not flash -- and the clouds hung motionless -- and the waters sunk to their level and remained -- and the trees ceased to rock -- and the water-lilies sighed no more -- and the murmur was heard no longer from among them, nor any shadow of sound throughout the vast illimitable desert. And I looked upon the characters of the rock, and they were changed; -- and the characters were SILENCE.

"And mine eyes fell upon the countenance of the man, and his countenance was wan with terror. And, hurriedly, he raised his head from his hand, and stood forth upon the rock and listened. But there was no voice throughout the vast illimitable desert, and the characters upon the rock were SILENCE. And the man shuddered, and turned his face away, and fled afar off, in haste, so that I beheld him no more."

Now there are fine tales in the volumes of the Magi -- in the iron-bound, melancholy volumes of the Magi. Therein, I say, are glorious histories of the Heaven, and of the Earth, and of the mighty sea -- and of the Genii that over-ruled the sea, and the earth, and the lofty heaven. There was much lore too in the sayings which were said by the Sybils; and holy, holy things were heard of old by the dim leaves that trembled around Dodona -- but, as Allah liveth, that fable which the Demon told me as he sat by my side in the shadow of the tomb, I hold to be the most wonderful of all! And as the Demon made an end of his story, he fell back within the cavity of the tomb and laughed. And I could not laugh with the Demon, and he cursed me because I could not laugh. And the lynx which dwelleth forever in the tomb, came out therefrom, and lay down at the feet of the Demon, and looked at him steadily in the face.

When I was 16 I needed an operation (minor one to remove a cyst), and had to go to the hospital clinic a week beforehand to get some tests. They called my mom to tell her I needed to bring a urine sample. But the way she told it to me made me think I needed to bring 48 hours of my urine before I come. So I filled up a big pickle jar over 2 days and then showed up with it and everyone at the clinic including the nurses were laughing and poking their neighbour to look at me.

Here's one:
I was on tour in Europe as i am a singer. And in the train car was a girl and other people as well. We where leaving Paris and bound for Vienna with many stops in Germany(lots of how German chicks on the train as well!). I was studing my music and the young french girl ask me if i would like a "Bon Bon?" Little did i know i would get the"Boom Boom!" I put a little concert on for the train at their request and it was very well received. Matilda and me got off in Vienna and she helped me get Accomidations as my German wasn't that good then and she spoke it very well. So once i settled i ask her to help me find a church to Practice in cause in had an audition in Vienna the next day. So we went off and found one and the nuns were kind enough to let me use it for free.
I practiced for an hour or so and When i started giving the lovely Matida a Massage. I no time we were heavily making out in the Chapple! It was getting really hot when i said to her "we need to stop! They were very kind to let us use this space for free and the last thing i need is to have a nun come in when we're Fucking!"
We made plans to go out and she left. Good thing to cause the Mother superior came in shortly after. we when out that night to an Austurian pup in the main strip of Vienna; Karlsplats. We were walking and Making out and stuff and in told her i wanted the Jump her. So we went back to her place and her friend was home. Shit! We then walk a little further to a corner and we started fucking right there on the Street! One car went by to whole time. She was 12 years younger then me and had a beautifully shaved pussy which i licked for an hour! We said our good byes and i never saw her again. Maybe just i Flook but French women Man seem to really like to fuck!

This is a true Story

There once was tall man who rode easily in the saddle. He had few friends and many enemies. When the tall man rode into Colt Creek, he was thirsty for whiskey and women. He headed to the local stables first for a man should always treat his horse well.

After he paid for the roof and oats for the horse, he headed to a saloon. Colt Creek had many such places since it was a booming silver town in Colorado. The tall man was surprised to see board walks and gas street lamps. He passed the sheriff's office easily. He had no wanted posters on him in Colorado but one never knew how the local sheriff might take to strangers.

The tall man settled for entering the Watering Hole. The place was not crowded and noisy like the few other drinking establisments that he passed on the way into town. He stepped up to the bar and waited for the barkeep to appear. He was surprised to find a busty beauty stepped behind the bar from the storage room in back.

She had her dark brown hair neatly tied up with ribbons and pins. She wore a brown leather vest over a long-sleeve white blouse. A large bottle of whiskey was in each of her strong hands. She smiled at the tall man while she placed the bottles in the right place in front of the large mirror.

"Can I help you mister?" she said with a slight Irish accent.

The tall man knew he was in trouble for her emerald-green eyes held him and he barely knew what to say. He felt a stirring in his groin and shifted. He knew what he wanted but could he have her and the whiskey at the same time.

The tall man was determined to try.

this one time at band camp...

ROFLMFAO!:1orglaugh :1orglaugh

I was at the bagel place two weeks ago having coffee after an evening that I consumed no less than 14 Heineken's

I leaned over to squeak out a tiny, albeit muffled fart- only to realize I had shat my pants-

Drove home with the worst feeling of having crappy drawers.
Upon entering my garage I threw out my jogging pants and underwear-

THE END.

True story-:glugglug

:1orglaugh

Hahaha thats funny!

that ain't the first time that happened to KB.



ferp

I was dancing in this little dump(great money$$) run by "the Outlaws" (motorcycle gang) one night and I just got off stage and was walking by this asshat going into the dressing room.

He takes it upon himself to reach out and grab my boob and give it a hard yank....well, Im never one to back down from what could be an ass whooping ...So I back track a few feet ..tit hurting like a bitch and ripped this motherfuckers glasses from his face and threaten to tear his nuts off while I make him eat the fucking glasses (I was a bit irate that night). I stomp off with his glasses still in my hand (on purpose). This whiny ass old man is crying behind me "hey bitch, I want my fucking glasses now". I felt his drunk ass hand on my shoulder and I came unglued..as he was trying to turn me around.. I turned on him with full force and punched that dicksucker square in the nose with his glasses in my fist . They broke, his nose broke, and he knocked another guy down with him. I smashed his glasses against the brick wall and stomped off. I was then confronted by the "bouncers"..

Seems they were pissed that i kicked that guys ass and they didnt get the chance too.

These same bouncers are serving serious prison time for murder inside this same bar a year or so later... fucker is glad i beat his ass and it wasnt the gang..:1orglaugh

memoirs of my titty dancing days..:glugglug

OK, I have a great one for you. It's a KB story.

A long long time ago, in a reggae bar deep in San Diego, KB and I went across the street to grab some Mexican food. 25 minutes later, KB says, "I have to take a dump, what do I do? I can't go here, fuck, what do I do?"

I said, "fuck it, wipe that toilet good and go for it. If you gotta go that bad, we're 30 minutes from home, you'll never make it. Just go here."

By the way, this was the very first night I had the new D$ Show camera, digital, filming everything. I was filming the whole reggae show, Madd Professor.

I followed KB into the bathroom, he didn't know I followed him though. I went into the stall next to him and lifted the camera up, using the viewer to see over the top.

While filming you can see the appreciation in his face as he dropped the mexican kids off at the pool. As he exhaled, you can see the moment of relief in his face, just when he saw my camera filming him. Confused and dazzled, he looked like a deer in the head light. You could read his mind thinkin', who's filming me right now, where am I, what just happened, what just came out of me?


Then it clicked. KB was Punk'd by the D$ Show, early days.

Matter of fact, that clip was inserted into a trade show footage update and was filmed 2 years before that convention.



:1orglaugh :1orglaugh

GFY, roll the clip!!!!

http://www.d-moneyshow.com/videos/top10/kbpoops128.html

bump

:1orglaugh

LOL