letter...
 

I have been watching you very closely to see if you have been good this
year and since you have I will be telling my elves to make some goodies
for me to leave under your tree at Christmas. I was going to bring you all
gifts from the 12 days of Christmas, but we had a little problem.
The 12 fiddlers fiddling have all come down with VD from fiddling with the
10 ladies dancing, the 11 lords leaping have knocked up the 8 maids
a-milking, and the 9 pipers piping have been arrested for doing weird
things to the 7 swans a-swimming. The 6 geese a-laying, 4 calling birds, 3
French hens, 2 turtle doves and the partridge in a pear tree have me up to
my sled runners in bird shit.
On top of all this Mrs. Claus is going through menopause, 8 of my reindeer
are in heat, the elves have joined the gay liberation (and are also
secretly part of the Environmental Liberation Front and have been setting
fire to Christmas trees) and some people who can't read a calendar have
scheduled Christmas for the 5th of January.
Maybe next year I will be able to get my shit together and bring you the
things you want. This year I suggest you get your asses down to Walmart
before everything is gone.
Sincerely,
Santa Claus

Then why do I keep getting lumps of coal? :BangBang:

What is it all about?