GoFuckYourself.com - Adult Webmaster Forum - The Rules according to the men

The Rules

We always hear 'the rules' from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are 'our' rules!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's down, put it up. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us moaning about you leaving it down.

2. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

3. Saturday/Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

4. Crying is blackmail.

5. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

6. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.

7. Most blokes own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

8. YES and NO are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

9. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

10. A headache that lasts for 17 months is serious. Perhaps you should see a doctor.

11. Check your oil! Please.

12. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

13. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.

14. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry we meant the other one.

15. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's a genetic requirement.

16. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

17. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during the adverts.

18. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

19. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your friends.

20. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

21. If it itches, it WILL be scratched.

22. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

23. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

24. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

25. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

26. You have enough clothes.

27. You have too many shoes.

28. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.

(Unless it's Bruce Lee or a war film, where it doesn't really matter what they're saying anyway).

29. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

30. I AM in shape.

ROUND is a shape.